An Award-Winning Social Media Strategist, Producer and Personal Publicist, Joy Kennelly has covered the worlds of entertainment, red carpet events, celebrities, travel, technology, food festivals and fashion including the last six years of LA Fashion Week, in her page one Google blog, Pure, Unadulterated Joy.
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Was laying in bed and had this thought which I just had to share. Today, spent the day hanging out with my former room-mate Maria. We always have a great time together. So much so, I told her we should look into getting a sponsor for a camper and travel cross country spreading love and racial harmony. If you want to see some snippets of our day, go to my instagram.com/joyakennelly
I'll post more pix tomorrow, but am too tired tonight.
So happy the news media is finally reporting on the illegal fireworks and the police are catching perpetrators. It's all quiet on the western front tonight as soon as I tweeted out that 9 felony charges were filed against people who started fires with fireworks and the City of Los Angeles was going to crack down harder.
Did you know there's a complaint form on the City of Los Angeles website? Well, there is. If you live in the South Bay, our district is 4 and is governed by LA County Supervisor, Janice Hahn 213 974-444 email: email@example.com or South Bay Deputy, Jennifer Zivkovic LaMarque 310 222-3015 or JLaMarque@bos.lacounty.gov or simply fill out this complaint form here: https://complaint.lacity.org/Complaint/fireworks/
That wasn't why I came on here to write tonight though. Where was I? Oh yes...
Maria and I always have great conversations when we hang out. She tells me about growing up and raising her girls. Today, she told me she was going to college when her Dutch female room-mate's parents moved her out of her dorm room when they found out Maria was black. Maria was so upset by the racism on campus because she used to tell the black groups that white people were fine to her, yet faced racism there too, that she asked her Dad to pull her out of college and he did.
I experienced a little taste of what black people might face when Maria and I lived with an abusive, extremely racist black woman who just hated my guts because I was white. It was the most stressful situation I've ever lived through, but it bonded Maria and me for life because we made it out the other side. That poor black hearted soul is still miserable and racist to her core, whereas Maria and I enjoy our friendship and lives now. Sometimes, it's ok to leave the hatred and pain behind and never look back.
However, as I was thinking of what Maria had shared, I thought back to my high school in Manhattan Beach which, if memory holds true, only had 4 black kids in the entire 400 plus student body. I was friends with one of the girls, who was named Tiny and a Cuban girl named Claudia. I was also friends with a Jewish kid named Bart who I ran into years later on a flight from San Francisco to LA. Turns out he became the President of the Gay and Lesbian Club at UCLA and was so happy to be out. It was great to see him again and we stayed in touch awhile, but I think our belief systems were so different after awhile, our friendship gradually faded away.
I never felt like I fit in in high school because of my freckles and strict Christian upbringing which said no smoking, no drugs, no drinking and no sex whereas a lot of kids were given free rein to do whatever by their rich parents. I hung out with Mexican friends at church and other kids who came from Hawthorne and Lawndale to attend our church in Manhattan Beach. Still friends with many to this day. Some friends from high school are Facebook friends, but really don't socialize because we have little in common other than attending the same school.
So, all this to say, living in Africa as a child tempered the way I make friends and view people. I know I accept people more widely as a result of having traveled and my parents having friends of all races over the years. One of my Mom's best friends when we were in high school was an East Indian woman the street over. Other friends of my parents were Vietnamese. We always were mixing and mingling with all kinds of people.
My Dad used to run a kids club where the kids came from broken homes and bad neighborhoods. My Dad would take all of us up to the mountains to go sledding, hiking and get out into nature which he said later had a positive affect on many.
Even before I was born he used to lead a Christian group for young men, with some of his other Christian guy friends and they'd take disadvantaged kids up to fish, camp and hike. Until recently, he also taught an after-school kid's club with young Hispanic children. His Gideon Bible group is mixed races and he used to volunteer handing out Bibles to children in all kinds of neighborhoods. He has a heart for God and a heart to bring kids to God's love and understanding which I love about him.
So, all this to say. The color of our skin shouldn't separate us so much. We all come to our communities with our own hurts and scars and pain, but together we can heal and grow in understanding if we only talk to one another and hear each other. Not talk AT each other, but simply listen and then speak. I don't think we need to read so much as interact with people as humans who may not look like us, but as Mandisa sings, We all bleed the same. In fact, rather than write any more, I think I'll share her song instead because she says exactly what I'm trying to say so clearly.
It feels great to be blogging again. I stopped because these blogs take hours to write and format which I normally don't have time to do. I also told myself I didn't want to write if I wasn't getting paid, but I find blogging is my therapy and as a result, I kinda need to right now. It's the only way I can make sense of what's going on and get out of swirling around in my brain on things I have no control over. You feel me?
Case in point, all the rioting going on. If you seriously believe this is the result of one black man's death and isn't orchestrated by evil forces wanting to take America down, then you haven't heard how prepared the rioters were in Dallas and how the people running it were directing people to pallets of bricks and brought pallets of water. Who has that kind of money and time to orchestrate a full on attack? And why would black people destroy their own neighborhoods, stores, small businesses?
It just doesn't make sense.
But nothing makes sense right now. The senseless death of George Floyd has been denounced by numerous good cops, but you won't hear that on the news because it doesn't fit the narrative. Did you hear that George worked at a nightclub with the cop who killed him? What does that say about pre-meditated murder? What does it say about why this cop should have been stopped by the others who stood around and watched?
It's why I like TikTok so much. You hear from people in uniform, whether it be a nurse, a doctor or a cop exactly how they're feeling, what is going on in their cities, their hospitals and wherever they are. And it helps put things into perspective because it's not biased, no agenda, just people sharing.
I used to only see dancing kids and that was soothing to me because they're so innocent and remind me of my youth, but now, I like hearing from adults around the country because the news doesn't accurately reflect the reality most people are facing. It's a sad truth when you can't trust your media to be objective, but this is where we are now. 80% of the media is liberal and as a result, you will really only hear that perspective despite the fact it is hurting people.
People are dying. People are losing their businesses. People are being flamed into fury and doing things they might never do normally.
And all for what?
A political agenda that will create more chaos, more poverty, more destruction? You look at any Democrat run state and they are in shambles. California - highest homelessness in the nation; New York - highest deaths in their retirement communities because Andrew Cuomo put 6,000 infected people into them knowing it would cause death for seniors. Why? Detroit - highest death rate of black on black murders even with gun control.
It's not guns people, we have a heart and mind issue in our country and that's why I pray and call upon God to save us because the government isn't the answer. I don't care who is in office. We have seen trouble building and now it's escalated into full out war and it's devastating.
Is this really who we want to be as a country? A nation? A society? A people? I know I sure don't want to have this be our normal existence. This isn't the America I grew up with or want to die experiencing.
It's why the scriptures I memorized as a child keep coming back to me now because they're the only way I find comfort and solace when everything is imploding around me.
And I mean everything.
I was going to list it all, but that was too overwhelming. Sometimes it feels like Biblical times and we're going through the ten plagues only ten times worse. I've never in my entire lifetime seen such chaos and such complete and utter failure of control and decency. It's like what else is coming? What else will it take before people realize they need God? We can't keep doing this without a moral compass people. We can't expect to resolve heart issues without first looking at ourselves and asking what about me? Where is my part in all this? What have I done, or not done to resolve this heart ache?
Because if you're really honest with yourself, you will see the heartache of every black person, every small business owner, every neighbor and every child who is crying out for help and what have you done to resolve it? Have you spoken up about injustice? Have you stood up against evil in our society to prevent it from getting stronger? Have you stopped racist remarks when you hear them among your friends? Have you ever considered why poor people are poor and bothered to help them?
Sometimes I feel like God has put me in the neighborhood and the situations I've been living in to humble my heart, to show me what it's really like to not have enough food, not enough gas, not enough...because I came from a white middle class privileged life and didn't understand it on a heart level. I went to church, I prayed, I cared, but I didn't really get it. I was mad when homeless people dug through my trash waking me up. I was closed off to those begging on the side of the freeway.
I just didn't want to get it.
However, when you live through what I've lived through all of a sudden you really begin to understand what breaks God's heart and look at people as people rather than statistics, or people to avoid. Fortunately, having lived in Africa as a child, I am more aware of what black people experience too.
I experienced reverse racism or what it feels like to be a minority as one of the few white people traveling through Burkina Faso after college. When you're the minority and nobody speaks your language and you have to rely on the kindness of strangers when your supposed friend turns on you and begins to treat you with anger and take out on you all the hurt and pain she experienced living in America, then you begin to realize the simmering rage that lies just below the surface and the pain that our collective racism causes black people.
Attending a black church for a few years, I began to understand the fear and underlying worry that black people experience every time they leave their home when every choir practice included a prayer for safety. I have been part of other white choirs and never once did we pray for safety. It wasn't even on the radar.
I've dated numerous black men and even have a son from one. We talked about politics, life and I know I brought one into circles he wouldn't normally enter without me. But I also know I will never date another black guy again. The last guy was just too abusive, too addicted, too mean and self-centered to ever make me look at a black guy with the same innocent eyes of someone who hasn't experienced abuse - sexual, mental and financial at the hands of someone you think you love.
Not to say white guys aren't capable of such things too, but it's just a personal choice not to be involved with anyone black again. I've had nothing but heartache from all the black guys I've dated and now I'm ready to meet a nice white guy. I want some semblance of a normal romantic life that isn't marred by what they experienced growing up and take out on me if that makes sense. I have enough baggage of my own to deal with than to take on someone else's too. I'm working on healing the wounds of my past and growing and changing. I need someone on the same path.
Well, that was sure personal, but since I am on the topic felt like clarifying. I actually don't feel like dating anyone of any other culture, any other race to be honest. I just want a guy who lives in the same environment as I do, experiences life like I do and enjoys the same things that I do. Is that too much to ask? Someone who has a faith in God and has the same moral compass. Someone who believes in the power of prayer and applies the Bible to living a better life built on faith, honesty, and love.
I know I'm not perfect. Never said I was.
In fact, lately under quarantine I've even begun to question why I keep doing certain things and why I constantly feel like I have to defend myself because it's exhausting to tell the truth. I also hate when I hurt people and don't mean to. It sometimes feels like I'm the feral cat in a corner lashing out even when people are trying to help. And I wonder what will tame this part of me. It's why I've begun joining a Bible Study to learn new ways of coping, communicating and loving. It's why I listen to so many sermons when I'm feeling especially hurt. It's why I pray that God will reveal in me what needs to be changed and help me to change.
It's not a fast process. It's not an easy process. But being aware of the issue, wanting to change and working towards it is the first step.
It's what I hope happens with each of you reading this, and our society too. We can't keep pointing fingers at everyone saying You have to change. You're the problem. It's all your fault. Because there are three fingers pointing back at you like the child's adage says.
What are YOU doing that needs correction? What are YOU saying that needs to stop? What are YOU doing in relationships with men, women, minorities, or others who aren't you that needs to change? What are YOU doing to make that change?
I really liked this guy's perspective which is why I'm going to share it here now because I don't think anything we humans do are capable of making the heart changes that only God can do. We just aren't wise enough, strong enough, or determined enough to change without relying on a higher power. It's why AA and all the other 12 step programs lead us to God. We have to first admit we're powerless over whatever is holding us back - sex addiction, porn, racism, greed, hate, alcohol, drugs, whatever wound we're covering up through whatever addiction we have. We have to admit we're powerless over it.
Watch this short video to hear the promise God makes if we do.
Just had a wonderful call with a former roommate who is black and we love each other dearly. I can be honest with her and she with me on topics normally not discussed with other friends. We cried, we laughed, we commiserated, and we prayed because that's what helps us get through our pain, our situations and our lives.
I hope you have someone you can be this honest with and share your life with. It makes all the difference in the world. I think I've blogged enough. I feel better and my tears are under control again. My heart breaks for those who have experienced the destruction of their businesses, their homes and their lives. But I can't keep crying or grieving. I have to live my life and pull it together for me. When I do, then I can help others more.
Right now? Just trying to survive.
And with that, I bid you adieu. God bless. Remember God loves you and so do I. Turn to Jesus because He's your help in time of need and is waiting on you...
I haven't blogged in a long time, but I feel compelled even though I don't know what to say except how sad I am that we've lost Kobe, his daughter and the rest of the people who flew on that flight.
As I consider the Grammy's honoring Prince, Nipsy, and now changing it to include Kobe it makes me happy to hear how this is bringing us together such a divisive time in our country. I can't help but wonder if God knew we needed to lose someone so special to help us remember how grateful we need to be for the loved ones in our life.
And for what a difference Kobe has made in our community and our world.
And to remind us that we are one city, one community, one country, one world. And we need each other like never before. We can't do life alone. We need each other. We need our heroes. We need people we can admire and look up to, but they are only human.
Ultimately, we need to look to God of all comfort for our comfort. I just listened to Sheryl Sandberg's interview with Clay Scroggins entitled Your Struggle Can Be Your SuperPower and it's so timely I'm sharing it again here because it's about grief, loss, post traumatic growth, and hope it gives you some encouragement if this death is impacting you harder than you expected:
I think the only time I watched a basketball game was when I read the most books in an elementary school contest and my Dad and I won rafter seats. I don't ever remember who played. I also know my Dad always wanted me to play due to my height, but it wasn't me.
I do know what a great guy Kobe became after going through the rape trial and how it changed his life. I have been watching Fred Rogan and his team discussing Kobe's life and it's so intimate and emotional.
They played his short film, but I'm choosing to play the Oscar's version in light of Kobe's death:
I hope you find comfort for the loss you're experiencing, whether it be of your sports hero, your friend, your mentor, your business associate, your father, your sister, your niece, anyone you loved in your life.
Grief is ok to experience. It's ok to cry. It's ok to not be strong. You're also allowed to grieve however you need to. Don't let anyone tell you to stifle it, get back to work, or live in denial. It will come out in other ways if not.
What I found so healing when I lost my Mom in 2016 was to find a Griefshare group to meet with. It's an hour session, you hear 45 minutes of what you will experience and comfort, then share briefly with everyone. What I loved the most was the journal workbook where you could work through your grief privately too. It was so healing. I hope you'll consider joining a group if you need help in coping too: https://www.griefshare.org/
My heart goes out to our city, our community, our country and our world. This has been a terrible loss. I only hope it brings us together when we need to be healed as a whole. We can't continue living in such turmoil, such crisis and such sad state of affairs in our country.
I ask everyone to pray for California. Now even more. Please pray for California. Pray for those who lost their loved ones today. We need to come together....
As I sit in the WGA Library, surrounded by people reading scripts, tapping away on their computers, in a completely silent (for a change) area that is entirely focused on writers and writing, it seems fitting to write the review of The Wife that's been spinning around my head ever since I watched the "Explosive" performance by Glenn Close, an actress, and person I have admired for many years.
In case you're not aware of what The Wife is about, here's the official trailer.
It appears Sony Pictures Classics has taken over the international film elegance that once was the stronghold of the Weinstein Company and I'm excited to watch even more after the cinematic treat this film was on so many levels. My first thought watching this film was of so many women I've seen over the years who sublimate their own creative desires to "serve" their husbands, a role I never have desired, or seen myself doing.
(Which is probably why I'm single, but there have to be other kinds of marriages out there that don't require this, right?:)
However, I also have seen this with men who remain married to women they would rather than not be married to because they don't want to deal with the divorce aftermath and their marriages die a miserable death as a result of this passive killing of a life they once vowed in front of their friends, family, and God, to love, cherish and honor, or whatever their vows were.
I wish all those couples would watch this film and see the intense fury and result of burying their own desires and the cost it ultimately takes on the marriage, their lives, and their family's lives. I think it applies to any relationship or life choice where you don't anticipate all the other ramifications you'll experience by going with the flow, ignoring your own desires and figuring it's the best you can expect in life.
I met a young woman today who chose to place her 2nd child in an open adoption to preserve her own life and the life of her older child from an abusive relationship. That life choice has had unexpected ramifications on her eldest daughter that no one would have anticipated, but this birth mother is handling her decision and open adoption with grace, empathy, courage while seeking wisdom from others who have had a similar life choice, like me and many of the others she's interviewing in her quest for truth in her own adoption experience.
Then there's a man I met online who confessed he's secretly married to a woman he has claimed is merely his baby mama (my terms, not his.:) and his fear of divorcing her because he's tired of divorce, he has young children with this woman and it's a risk when you're a public figure on what will be accepted, private and more. Who knows if this person was even real, but the dialog we had seemed very honest and vulnerable. I pray for him and his marriage and hope he finds his way. I just can't be with married men and for my sake, wish he wasn't, but can't wish for his marriage to end either.
That's for God and him to decide.
But I digress. The Wife resonated with me on so many levels because as a writer, I've felt blocked for the last few years and haven't felt like expressing anything because my life was in such turmoil it wouldn't have come out cohesively or been believed.
However, writers must write as the film so eloquently explains and it was heartbreaking to see this character give up her dream of writing to be with a man who was so weak and self-indulgent and cowardly he couldn't acknowledge her, even when he had a major platform to do so. I loved watching the dynamic of the husband and wife grow and evolve as Glenn Close recognizes that her husband will not ever recognize her beyond what he'd done over the years. I don't want to ruin this film because I truly believe you must see it and experience it to feel the full visceral blow to the gut this film delivers.
The setting is stunningly majestic and unique which makes it even more awe-inspiring. The insidious biographer, played by Christian Slater, is cloying, manipulative, and like the snake in the Garden of Eden tempting and taunting Glenn's character to crack and admit something she has kept hidden for years. She refuses to take the bait, but then the son is enticed and beguiled in an ever-tightening web of unraveling that ultimately brings about the demise of the callow, arrogant, fool of a man who believes he is actually worthy of all the acclaim by virtue he has convinced himself of this for the entire 40 years of their marriage.
The fact that their marriage is based on an illicit affair and ruined one woman's life is only the start of what apparently became a pattern of a man who has such low self-worth he needs extra validation to prove himself worthy of all the outside critical acclaim for "his" work.
That he has the gall to act like he's a superior writer to his son is beyond belief, especially when the content of the son's prose is revealed. That the father doesn't see the obvious relationship that is staring him in the face in written form as his own husband/wife relationship is even more of an example of what a failed writer he truly is because most writers I know and enjoy reading are the most observant, critically thinking, interesting people I've ever met.
Most CEO's read voraciously and are well-versed on a variety of topics, although they do tend to have their favorite topics. It's probably why I resonate with leaders most. I like intelligent, funny, warm-hearted men who think for themselves and are willing to take a stand, no matter how unpopular.
This movie brought up so much for me because I feel the past few years I was relegated to the coat carrying wife role by virtue of the tech culture refusing to accept women on an even playing field and always relegating females in tech to beauty or fashion or sex type roles, rather than worthy leaders of building profitable businesses that will develop other businesses and leaders in the process.
This film awoke something in me that has lain dormant since leaving the tech industry, but like Glenn's character has slowly been awakening to the fact I'm worthy of a life I choose.
A desire for more. A desire to go after what I want again. A desire to be seen. To be heard and to receive credit where credit is due. It's why it's hard to listen to my Dad when I know he still believes the 1950's adage that I won't survive in this world unless I take some stupid job and just keep my head down and do what it takes to get by.
I'm sorry, but like Glenn's character, I'm over just getting by. I'm over just surviving. I need a change and as these new days of 2019 roll around I realize I'm feeling more and more clear on what I will and will not accept in my life, my living conditions, my career, and my family.
And it feels good.
The Wife may be seen by some as a cry for help, but I see it also as a warrior cry ready for a battle that won't be stifled, put down, condescended to, or repressed any longer. I highly recommend seeing this film if you're in need of a major kick in the butt to get your life together and take control of what's important.
Because if you don't walk away from Glenn Close's performance moved, changed and enlightened, I don't know what will do so. She's an amazing actress and completely deserved her Golden Globe which I am so glad was given to her because I would not have heard of the film otherwise. Unfortunately, it appears many others are unaware as well since the matinee film I attended only had 5 people in the auditorium.
That's why I'm encouraging you to take the time to go see this film and support Glenn Close because you will be so glad you've seen her brilliant performance come Oscar time. This is actually one Oscars I wish I could attend because there's so many amazing films being recognized and artist's performances I thoroughly enjoyed it would be a pleasure to see this up close and in person. I would love to be able to tell Glenn Close I championed her cause or tell Lady Gaga how moved I was by her performance and music. Or tell Bradley Cooper he was robbed.:)
However, it will probably not happen so for now, I will tell the world my thoughts as I am prone to do, in writing. And if you're still reading my writing after all these years away, thank you. I promise to write more. I have a lot more to say and feel like I'm just getting started again. So I leave you with this song by Pink as it exemplifies the spirit with which I write this and share my thoughts with you musically...
Life has gotten progressively better and better. Had a wonderful visit with my Aunt and Cousins in Colorado while exploring opportunities for group travel in Glenwood Springs and Boulder. Having difficulty transferring pix from my phones to my computer and for awhile lost my camera, but it's coming back together soon. Thus, no pix for now unfortunately.
Also, been reading great books that are inspirational like Jessica Jackley's Clay, Water, Brick about her experiences with co-founding Kiva.org and ProFounder, which opened the door politically for current crowdfunding being approved by the government. She's extremely gifted, articulate, informative and connected.
Highly recommend reading her book if you're an entrepreneur seeking to do a global business like we are. What I enjoyed is the similarities in our backgrounds - raised in Christian homes, love East Africa, love helping disadvantaged people and more...
I really love learning and enjoyed hearing and learning from the British Social Media guru - Vincent Dignan who is really out there fashion-wise and how he conducts social media, but I'm telling you it works. Brilliant! Here's a tip for Instagram: Follow, like, like, like. Try it you'll like it.:)
Then, last weekend just completed another intensive media training program taught by Ann DeVere called Turn Your Interviews into Cash and met some really interesting people. Learned a lot too and can't wait to apply it.
May work with one woman I met to produce a business cruise if we decide to move forward with that idea. Another woman and I might collaborate on medical tourism. You never know what comes out of attending events is what I find.:)
My motto is Always be Learning and Growing.
Otherwise, living my life and enjoying each day despite having a leg injury that the ER docs haven't been able to explain or discover why I have it. All I know is I thought I was better, went out with my crutches for an evening event, and then was worse immediately.
Needless to say, even though I'm feeling better, sticking on my crutches until I see my new Dr this week. Despite the toll it plays on my hands too. I'm falling apart I tell ya.:)
Sometimes I think we're given challenges to make us slow down and have time to process what we're doing in life and who should be in our circles. I chose to separate from certain people while bringing other people closer and continuing good relationships I value which has been very healthy and healing.
Doesn't mean the difficult ones will be gone forever, but as I'm healing from my Mom's death, needed the mental space to focus on taking care of myself and get my life going again. You can't build when you're surrounded by negative energy that's always tearing you down. Feel much lighter now.
Busy pitching agents, angels, friends and others in an effort to get funding underway. There's so much more I could be doing if I could afford to bring in help and ramp up certain technological and marketing aspects.
In the meantime, just plugging away and grateful to Ariel Barco for his technical support and friendship as we change things up behind-the-scenes. Hire him! Great IT professional: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ariel-b-3438a750
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go read my book on The Ultimate Sales Letter by Dan S. Kennedy.
I always know it's time to write when I keep going over what I want to convey for days at a time. I don't know if other writers do this, but I write my articles in my head first, edit and refine them and then they spill over when I sit down to actually put "pen to paper" so to speak.
However, this time, even though I've been mulling what I want to say about grief and the loss of my mom for the past week and longer, my thoughts are still jumbled, I haven't figured it all out, nor am I sure I want to.
Hopefully, by writing my thoughts down it will begin to make sense - at least to me.
Reader, hate to break it you, but you're just along for the ride...:)
As in the words of Counting Crows Big Yellow Taxi song, "Don't it always seem to go That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone" this best describes my feelings and experiences since losing my little Mom this past May 1, 2016.
I never realized how much I counted on her until losing her. She was my best friend, my cheerleader, my confidante, my driver when I needed her to be, my travel companion, my IT department, my assistant, my mentor, my travel advisor, my spiritual advisor, my friend I sat with at church, my friend I went out to eat with like here in this picture at the Long Beach Lobster Festival, my mover, my car buyer, my apartment hunter, my solace, and my heart.
I miss her so much and each day when I think it can't hurt any more than when she first died, something else reminds me of how much I depended on her to be there for me.
Like now, hobbling around on crutches with a strained calf muscle. As if not being able to fully use my hands isn't bad enough. Sometimes you are forced to slow down and feel regardless of whether you want to or not.
I'm participating in my church's Grief Share program which has been very comforting. It's nice to have a place to go each week where it's ok to cry, share memories, learn from a 45 min video featuring experts and others who have lost a loved one, and comfort others who are grieving too.
The corresponding workbook which provides 5 daily devotions and places to journal has been very encouraging too. It helps to get what's in my mind out and down on paper. And later, to be able to share what spoke to us most.
One of the recommended Grief Share tools is writing a grief letter to friends and family explaining what you're going through and how they might help. I didn't really want to do it, but after seeing my sink full of dirty dishes, my clean laundry still not put away after 3 days, and being unable to drive without more pain, realized maybe writing this blog would do the same thing.
Those who are interested in what I'm going through and how they might help will read my "grief letter."
Those who don't, won't.
And that's okay.
Losing my Mom has drastically affected my life in more ways than ever imagined. I remember when someone I was working with asked me how I was doing and at that point I was still in denial and said, "I'm fine."
But the longer it's been since my Mom died, the more I see that I'm not fine.
I will be down the road perhaps, but right now?
Not so fine. Not fine at all.
It may appear so when you see me smiling or doing something interesting, but it's always there, a heartbeat away from coming to the surface.
Grief apparently exacerbates your emotional state and causes intense reactions of anger, among other emotions. I'm experiencing this now and hope writing this will help those who have experienced my intense feelings of anger will give me grace and forgive me because I am having trouble controlling it, but am really working hard on healing in therapy as a result.
"Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal.
There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this? Underneath anger is pain, your pain.
It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died. Suddenly you have a structure – – your anger toward them.
The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing. We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love."
In another book I recently read, When Parents Die, whose "topics range from the psychological responses to a parent's death such as shock, depression, and guilt, to the practical consequences such as dealing with estates and funerals," I learned some people don't experience the typical five stages of grief at all, or they bounce around like I seem to be doing.
I have family members who think if they just keep moving, doing, traveling and escaping this reality of their spouse/mother being dead they will get past the painful feelings, but what I see happening, and experts concur, you don't ever "get past them" you bury them and they show up later.
If you deny feelings of sadness, loss, and depression, then you're more apt to respond with no emotions, nor feel other emotions as fully, or react in anger that's much more than the situation you're angry with would normally involve.
I wonder now if my Dad losing his Father two days before I was born and possibly never really grieving that loss fully explains why we've always had a difficult, distant relationship whereas my sisters have not.
I'll never know because my Dad isn't in touch with his feelings enough to ever confirm or deny. That's just him and I'm learning to accept him as he is and have compassion on who he is because at 83 years old, he ain't changing much.:)
How my family handles their grief over Mom dying is their journey, not mine. All I know right now is, I can't be there for them, nor can I expect them to be there for me because none of us have anything to give each other. We may want to, but we just don't.
And that's okay too.
When my Mom first died, all I felt was numb, like I was going through the motions. I felt this way when I placed my son in adoption when he was first born and realize now, going through my Mom's death, my adoption was a very similar experience.
Even though he didn't die when I placed him in our open adoption, the experience and reality of being a full-time mother raising him died when I signed the final legal papers finalizing our adoption. The finality of it was deeply wounding, knowing I would not be raising my only child, and took years and years of therapy to heal.
It was every bit as much a loss/death to me as losing my Mom.
I was numb for weeks, so depressed I became suicidal only pulling out of it when I went on an antidepressant which caused me to gain weight I've never been able to lose, and drastically changed my career path causing me to shut down my short film festival because short films were a constant reminder of what I had lost.
I began writing for the Los Angeles Convention & Visitors Bureau and thought I would pursue a journalism career, but when I saw my paychecks and the amount of work and hours I put into writing at the level I like to write, I knew it wasn't sustainable and began looking for alternative careers.
Not to say I wouldn't write for them again on a freelance basis, but just not as a full-time career.
Having marketed filmmakers for five years, it was a natural career decision to begin repping entertainment clients as a publicist because I knew the language, I knew the players, I knew the media and I knew it intimately from many levels - fundraising, pitching, showcasing, selecting, gathering judges, experts and others to support my vision.
Pitching over 300 agents/managers to get my client representation? No biggie. Happy to do it.
Writing press releases that get placement in multiple media outlets? No problem.
My PR Mentor, Marcia Groff, taught me the fine points of writing a press release and media relations based on her years of experience repping numerous major music acts while working for EMI America Records as National Coordinator of Artist Relations working with Kenny Rogers, Sir Cliff Richard, Kim Carnes, Sheena Easton and David Bowie.
Plus, taking a PR certificate program at UCLA Extension, attending multiple seminars, classes and workshops also further refined and validated my expertise.
Approaching publishers at BEA to pitch my author client and my open adoption book? No problem.
Although I did find it ironic none of the Christian publishers wanted my adoption story because my son was born out-of-wedlock and didn't fit prescribed Christian thinking. Readers Digest was interested until they read the anger I had still not fully healed from after my adoption.
Only positive, life-affirming stories for them too I guess. However, my story then was real. It was raw. And it was what many birthmoms experience immediately after an adoption.
Only no one ever wants to hear it.
It would ruin their view of adoption because in life, only the adoptive parent's life experiences matter or are supported because they're dealing with raising a child not their own. Never mind the woman left behind dealing with the loss. We don't exist in many book aisles because publishers don't think anyone will care.
How wrong they are. I devoured every book I could find on what the birth mom's experience was like because I wanted to know what I was getting myself into. I wanted to know if my feelings were normal. I wanted to understand. To be understood.
I wanted to heal.
However, many of the books that were published were written in the 60's, only spoke about closed adoptions, weren't my life experience at all and even though I could relate to certain aspects, much of it was drastically different. That's why I wrote my book proposal and worked on getting published.
I had heard Jamie Lee Curtis was somehow related to adoption and managed to attend an event where she was speaking and gave her my first couple of chapters to read. She read it, called me, and because I was on the other line I didn't pick up for some reason and missed speaking to her. She was so kind and told me it was a very moving story and needed to be told. She didn't leave her number and I never contacted her again after that.
It was the kind of encouragement I needed to hear then and remembering it even now, I have a soft spot in my heart for her as a person, while continuing to admire her as an actress/author.
I don't think the timing was right for me then though and feel when it's right, it will happen. My (our) story will be told.
And I'll be ready for it.
I found when I would speak to women who had experienced adoption back in the 60's who would call into Rose Vista Maternity Home where I was living at the time while I healed those mothers were angry at me for suggesting adoption to the pregnant women who lived there because they had never processed or accepted their decision.
Many had had adoption forced upon them with no recourse. I would have hated that too!
However, that wasn't my experience. I was choosing adoption. I was choosing the parents to raise my son. I was choosing to be able to stay in touch.
I had choices.
They did not.
I understood their anger, their pain and their hurt, but it's always been my goal to share a positive story on adoption because even though it was devastating at the time it happened, I'm at peace with it now after much counseling, much activism and speaking to potential adoptive parents and adoptees with unresolved abandonment issues.
I knew what I wanted to give my son through our open adoption and feel we have a good relationship because of that.
I even flew to DC to speak at a conference which C-Span covered to show that there really are three choices when faced with an unexpected pregnancy. It doesn't have to only be abortion, or raising your child as a single parent. You can also lovingly place your child with a family who would love to raise your child with all the benefits, security and financial resources many birthmoms aren't able to provide at the time.
I had people come up afterward to speak to me who appreciated my simplicity of thought and sharing my experience so boldly. But the woman who touched me most was someone who came up after and wanted me to hear her personal experiences with her multiple adoptions.
Once she had shared, I hugged her and told her thank you for sharing, she turned around without a word, and left, silently disappearing into the crowd.
It was like all she wanted was someone to hear her and share her pain. I get that. Sometimes all I want is someone to hear me about my Mom and what I miss about her which is why I'm so grateful my aunt, my Mom's youngest sister, is there for me.
I can't discuss this with my sisters because they're dealing with their own grief and we're reacting in negative ways which aren't healthy for any of us. Despite outward appearances, my mother's death was an extremely hurtful, wounding experience among my immediate family for all of us. Pictures of us smiling belie the hurtful words and actions that happened then, but it's a memory nonetheless which is why I keep them.
It's been safer and healthier just to take the break I need to heal without them and even my Dad to a certain extent, I'm finding.
I kinda experienced this with one sister when I chose my adoption too. While we were caring for my Mom together while Mom was on her deathbed, Grace was shocked to hear I was still in communication with the adoptive family because she had assumed it would be over when I placed him with them.
Nope. We're still in each other's lives. For better or worse.:)
That's the misconception I think a lot of people have about the way adoptions can be handled now. I don't blame Grace for being ignorant, many are, but hopefully by my continuing to share my life experience with my open adoption and others too, we'll begin to remove the stigma and mystery surrounding this life choice.
I get to see my son grow up, hear about his life and hope to one day have more of a relationship with him when he's ready. I always chose to stay in touch because I never wanted him to doubt my love for him or the reason I chose adoption was because I didn't want him, but because I wasn't able to fully parent him in the way I was raised and wanted him to experience - with a loving Mother and Father.
Especially since he's bi-racial and felt he needed a positive male role-model growing up in today's society.
But I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, my Mom's death and my subsequent loss.
The other interesting thing I've discovered about grief is that the longer you numb out on antidepressants, the longer it takes to heal. As a result, I worked hard to get off mine by gaining support through a therapist, my Grief Share group, a massage therapist, and friends who are sensitive to what I'm going through, having experienced the loss of a loved one themselves, or having backgrounds in psychology and healing.
My Psychiatrist could see I was in a much better place than when I had originally come into see him sobbing uncontrollably and agreed with me, just asking to touch base in a few months to see if I still feel good. I'm sure I will.
I like having my sex drive back. I like feeling again and being able to cry. It feels good to feel human, rather than repressed and inhuman. And my uncontrollable sobbing and negative thinking has diminished. Not gone completely, because I'm still grieving, but it's much less.
I learned about the repression and effects of antidepressants on the brain while watching TED talks on grief, which I highly recommend watching if you're going through a loss yourself. Very helpful information there.
Here's one I listened to which I liked, but there's numerous others too. Find one that speaks to you...
Check out www.ted.com for a WIDE variety of subjects, experts from all over the world and you will be amazed at how you grow and change after listening. I study topics I'm interested in like grief, travel, leadership and humor by fully immersing myself in a topic and listening to everything there is available.
You can watch however you like though. They're free and suited to how you want to learn and grow. Highly recommend checking it out. But that's my experience. May not be yours.
Having friends and group support doesn't protect you from feeling feelings of sadness, loss and anger which is why I know I still have a lot of work to do to heal. I've also recognized that the trauma I've carried throughout my life that I've never fully addressed is coming to the forefront during this time because the loss of my pillar of support, my Mom, makes me feel more vulnerable, more alone, and more aware of my need to grow and change and heal now more than ever.
Her death is also helping me clarify what I will and won't accept in my life which is healthy. It's changing the way I look at my remaining immediate family, lowering my expectations on them, and giving me the freedom to pursue healthier relationships that are nurturing, loving and supportive outside my immediate family.
As one of my friends said her friend told her, We may be born from our parents into the family we ended up in, but that doesn't mean we owe them anything to stay attached. So, I'm learning to detach with love and back away slowly. It's painful, I don't know how long I will do it, but as I heal and redefine who I am in the world without my Mom it's needed.
My Mom, although she was great in many ways, never believed I accomplished everything I had with my career. She constantly told me I was lying, even when I showed her my work and my clients as proof, and never attended any of the bigger career moments in my life like producing an awards ceremony on the backlot of Paramount Studios.
She even told me to stop putting so many accomplishments on my resume because no one would want to hire me. As a result, I began hiding parts of myself I felt would threaten employers, potential boyfriends and others to fit more into her acceptable view of what a female should be.
Despite the fact she was simply a hairstylist with only an AA Degree, never had any career experiences like mine and didn't understand my world at all, I wanted to please her though and secretly thought maybe she was right.
What's been interesting since her death is my choosing to finally reclaim who I fully am. I'm tired of downplaying what I've done, where I've been, and what I've accomplished. I've sacrificed a lot over the years, I've earned it and I'm proud of my life accomplishments.
I also decided to pursue becoming a TED Fellow because watching all the TED Talks while I did work that doesn't require my full brain, I heard people I could relate to, learn from, enjoyed hearing, and knew I would grow from being around. Who knows if they will accept me or not, but it really helped me to reframe my own life while filling out the application which took over 6 hours to complete.
As the Swahili sign we often saw while driving around Kenya said, Pole Pole. Slowly, slowly.
Or as the 12-step slogan says, Progress, not perfection.
I knew my Mom from the day I was born until her final breath which I was there to experience. I will always cherish the final months we were able to spend together. Normally she would forget my birthday, leave with the rest of my family to celebrate Christmas without me, leaving me to fend for myself alone and feeling abandoned, but this last Christmas was different.
She returned home early from visiting my sister in Austin while my Dad continued to stay for three weeks and it was just me and her.
She was sick and I took care of her bringing her soup, Gatorade, and making sure she was ok in between work.
She was thrilled to have time alone to play with her new sewing machine which you can see here that we're now trying to sell including the table and corresponding other pattern table.
I'm grateful my Mom was open to going to San Diego to visit my Aunt and surprised us both with special birthday cakes making this my first birthday in years that she actually acknowledged and celebrated. She even spoke with regret that she had never thought of doing this years earlier and promised that from that time on we would celebrate together again.
I will always cherish that time and the knowledge my little Mom loved me as much as I loved her.
There's more memories, but I think I've bent your ear enough and written enough for now. Thanks for reading all the way to here if you have. Look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments below, or via email. I moderate comments and don't always see them though until later fyi.
I would especially love to hear from those of you who knew my Mom, or had met my Mom, because it has been really lovely to receive emails, cards, and texts with that encouragement and understanding point-of-view.
Just please don't tell me like my high school counselor, Shirley did, I liked your sister's talk better at the funeral. Not helpful, or what I want to hear. Thanks Shirley. LOL
I look forward to continuing to grow and heal and will write more later. Hopefully, on happier topics.
I wasn't sure I wanted to write about Robin Williams' death out of respect for his family and because my feelings were so close to the surface when I found out he died. I love comedy, comedians and laughing which is why his death hit me a little hard even though I never personally met him.
Reading comments from a friend that he was "weak" and hearing a news anchor had called him a "coward" compelled me to write because I have contemplated suicide in the past and I don't consider myself either of those terms.
I think if you're artistic you feel more, you are more sensitive, you care more and often are more misunderstood than those who are "normal" because we don't experience life the same way "normal" people do. I think this meme floating around captures it best:
It's easy to judge famous people, or anyone for that matter, who chooses suicide, but if you've never walked in their shoes, felt their pain, or lived their life, who are we to judge?
Yes, it's awful. Yes, what about his family? Yes, he could have found help, but rather than judge, maybe consider volunteering for a suicide helpline and hear the pain people are experiencing on a daily basis. Or really mean it when you ask someone, "How are you doing?"
Or if you're contemplating suicide yourself, reach out for help from friends, or from the National Suicide Prevention Lifelife: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
I know I did oh so many years ago and it helped me gain perspective. I haven't felt suicidal in so long I know God heals and I know you can find help if you seek it.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
I recently saw Get On Up - the amazing story of James Brown's life and when I left the theater, I cried. I couldn't imagine growing up with the pain and struggles he experienced. Yet, I have had my own pain and struggles. We all do.
You are not alone.
Here's a little insight into the film and the actor who played him courtesy of Ebony Magazine: "Chadwick Boseman, who epitomized the legendary Godfather of Soul, exclusively tells EBONY he originally didn’t want the role that is now giving him Oscar worthy buzz.
"When my manager brought me the script, I didn’t even want to read it because I knew attempting to play James Brown would just be crazy," cited Boseman. However, once he received the role, beating out 20 actors for the part, he was completely dedicated to capturing the essence of Brown. “He was a complicated man, both good and bad. Once you understand the reasons for his dichotomy, it’s easier to grasp who he was.”
If you haven't seen the film, please do. Brilliant acting. Oh, and on a side note, tonight at the Hollywood Bowl is a tribute to James Brown if you're interested. More info here.
That dichotomy is what made Robin Williams great as well. I will never forget watching Mork and Mindy growing up, or seeing Dead Poet's Society, another film where I left the theater and just drove around crying it impacted me so deeply. Or who can forget Good Morning Vietnam or Mrs. Doubtfire? Or any of his roles?
The depth and breadth of his talent for playing such a diverse range of roles is what set him apart and why I think people are grieving so much more than normal. He was a comedic genius, an icon of entertainment and someone who shaped the world in which we live through his talent. I always hate when people discount entertainment as shaping our world when it's so obvious it does - both for good and for evil.
I liked the fact Robin Williams was patriotic too. Have you seen this clip before? I never had and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:
It's so easy to judge those who are famous, but I ask that you consider the fact we're all human, we all struggle, we all face demons and struggles no one else knows about.
Sympathy, empathy and compassion go a lot farther than judgement.
Matthew 7:1-2 Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.
And I leave you with this thought because right now I think the world needs a little more love and little less judgement for those who suffer:
John 13:34A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
I love you. God loves you.
Robin Williams rest in peace. May your life and death not be in vain.
May I say how much I love the BBC reporting? It's always fair, balanced, factual, and where you can simply learn the news, rather than political posturing on either side of the parties as is so often the case here in America.
Leave it to the Brits to be dry and to the point! LOL
I love the British, can you tell?:) In fact, I'm watching Calendar Girls again starring Helen Mirren (one of my favorite actresses) and Julie Walters, a darling talented actress I was able to meet at some DGA function years past.
"A very British story, with a very British heart, CALENDAR GIRLS is based on an uplifting and very inspiring true story that is quirky, poignant and hilarious." Remember that film? I'm watching it again because I love the story and acting so much.
Here's the original women's site to allow you to know the actual backstory of this true story: http://www.seecalendargirls.com/ Apparently, you can still see the play performed by much younger fully nude women now in England.
Leave it to the British!:)
Back to my original point about the BBC and Bush. After I posted that article about Obama's visit to England I discovered the BBC had written a very interesting comparison between the two President's visits which I would like to share with you for your reading pleasure in the effort to be balanced because I will always admit when I'm wrong.
The journalist who wrote this review on Mamet's book apparently doesn't live in Los Angeles, or only reports his opinion, rather than facts:
"Much of 'The Secret Knowledge' serves as an intellectual riposte to the words and deeds of militant leftists who are dead, repentant, or irrelevant. And while Mamet justly indicts the tri-pronged scourge of political radicalism, economic socialism, and ideological totalitarianism, he identifies this phenomenon not with the regimes of Venezuela, Iran, Libya, or even North Korea, but with mainstream American liberals."
Now obviously, this journalist wasn't aware of this recent communist activity here in our very own Downtown Los Angeles, or he wouldn't have written what he wrote. If he is clueless, perhaps others might not be aware either.
If you can prove this is wrong, please do, but unfortunately, I believe this is accurate. I didn't write it, merely reposting it here for your reading (dis)pleasure courtesy of someone who goes by the name Ringo...
"While we slept ....... Pictures taken downtown Los Angeles on May Day co sponsored by the SEIU and various Communist groups
Look at the pictures below…were they taken in Cuba? Venezuela? Bolivia? Ecuador, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Argentina, maybe Puerto Rico?
Nope…Los Angeles, USA just 4 days ago…this is what happened while we slept…while we went to school, went to work, while we raised our families. While we watched CNN or CBS, ABC or NBC or listened to NPR or read the New York Times and never saw, read or heard a minute of coverage of this travesty…while we let our guard down and we let the Marxist/Socialist/Communist Left and Progressives creep into our schools, the unions, the media and our government…banners and posters with the images of Ernesto “Che” Guevara (Castro’s executioner) and Lenin would make Fidel Castro, Joe Stalin or Karl Marx proud to be an American!
A May Day rally in Los Angeles,co-sponsoredby the SEIU and various communist groups, as well as other unions, reflected yet another step in the normalization of self-identified communist and socialist ideologies in the Obama era. Not only did the SEIU help to organize the rally in conjunction with communists, they marched side-by-side with communists, while union members carried communist flags, communists carried union signs, and altogether there was no real way to tell the two apart.
When I tell people that public political rallies are more and more being led by communists and socialists, most folks simply don’t believe me. Aw, come on, you’re just giving decent protesters an extreme label, they say. No, actually, I’m not: The communists freely and proudly declare their affiliation.
Until recently, the average American has regarded fascists and communists as equally noxious and equally malignant. As well they should have. But the drive these days by the left side of the spectrum is to make communism and socialism somewhat less remarkable and more palatable. For two years they angrily denied the Tea Party accusation that Obama’s policies and supporters had a socialist bent.
But in recent months, as the accusation had started to gain traction, the new leftist tactic has become: 'What’s so bad about socialism after all? You’re demonizing a very popular and respectable ideology!'”
Now do you see why I agree with this reviewer's take on his book: "
Famed playwright and screenwriter David Mamet came out of the ideological closet three years ago as a newly minted conservative.
The book, a scattershot series of essays unified by Mamet’s striking prose, doesn’t read like a typical conservative manifesto. Would Sean Hannity or Ann Coulter expound on the id, the ego, and the superego in explaining how liberals brush aside inconvenient facts?"
I especially enjoyed reading the NY Times review where the reviewer states: "While reading your new book, “The Secret Knowledge,” I thought, My God, in crucifying liberals, this guy is going to infuriate a huge chunk of the people who pay money to see plays. Are you concerned that you’re alienating your public?"
And David Mamet's answer...
"I’ve been alienating my public since I was 20 years old. When “American Buffalo” came out on Broadway, people would storm out and say, “How dare he use that kind of language!” Of course I’m alienating the public! That’s what they pay me for."
Because folks, maybe that's why you read me too. LOL
Don't worry. I won't be covering any more deep topics for a little bit. About to become very busy and don't want to offend too many people for too long because that can become a bit boring, don't you agree?:)
I'm looking forward to this long holiday weekend, aren't you? I hope whatever you end up doing you remember what we're celebrating, and why, and the men and women who are putting their lives on the line to serve this great country too (while you're enjoying your favorite cold beverage, hot dogs, hamburgers and the beach.:)
I'm hitting my friend's BBQ/Pool/Bday party & then the Hollywood Bowl to see their amazing fireworks display, clap along to patriotic music and hear a little Vince Gill myself. I like these two songs of his - the first, because I like to sing along, and the second, because Eliza Jane is my niece's name.:)
Don't you love the 80's hair? I especially love the shimmy, shimmy
dancing myself.:) Happy Fourth of July y'all! Don't blow your fingers off! LOL More importantly, don't drink and drive - I want to see you again real soon, ya hear?
Just thought you might like to read the excellent coverage The Beach Reporter gave to the Upper Pier Ave project and PCH/Aviation which explains exactly what's going on in the City of Hermosa Beach and the reasons why the streets are torn up in case you weren't aware.
So happy to see the PR company the city council hired has done a great job of focusing on getting the message out which will hopefully help business owners gain more business now that the project's benefits have been adequately explained.
Also happy to read there will now be a ribbon cutting ceremony to start educating the public on accomplishments to date and to provide a more realistic completion date for the entire project.
Here's a blurb from last week's paper:
"Work on the Strand Infiltration Trench
portion recently finished up and a ribbon-cutting will take place to
commemorate it April 22 at 11 a.m. Meanwhile, the Pier Avenue Storm
Drain project is currently being worked on and will be acknowledged at
the completion of the Upper Pier Avenue renovation, now scheduled for
August due to weather and various minor delays in construction."
Click on the link and you will be lead to all the other articles too. Probably helps that Michael comes from a PR background and is using this position as a stepping stone to greater political ambitions which is why his name is mentioned out of everyone on the city council, but then again, he is the Mayor...
Wonder if his boss, Rep. Jane Harmon, will be participating in President Obama's visit to Los Angeles, CA tomorrow to support Barbara Boxer. I would assume so. Will be interesting to see if Michael manages to get a photo op there too.:)
Sorry Michael, but I love teasing you (if you're reading.) You do love the spotlight and having represented celebrities in the past I can see one in training in you.
Just saying... That said, congratulations. It's a huge accomplishment and I wish all of you all the best. May it be timely, cost-effective, not ruin local small businesses and ultimately bring new business to Hermosa Beach to rival that of the bar traffic.
One of the brilliant marketing minds, Seth Godin's recent musings has been inspiring me on days when I'm not inspired which I've been dying to share with you. Here's a highlight of Seth Godin's blog entitled "Phoning It in":
"I know doctors, lawyers, waiters and insurance brokers who are
honestly and truly passionate about what they do. They view it as an
art form, a calling, and an important (no, an essential) thing worth
In fact, I don't think there's a relationship between what
you do and how important you think the work is. I think there's a
relationship between who you are and how important you think the work is.
Life's too short to phone it in."
That's the way I feel about everything I do in case you haven't noticed. I live and work and love passionately. I believe what I do makes a difference, even if it's just to me.
I encourage you to live your life with passion. If you don't like your job or you're bored - Get out of it, Stop living in the past, Be grateful, or Change your attitude. It will make all the difference in the world to someone, even if it's just yourself.
Life's too short to phone it in.
I have to admit I've been a wee bit busy and not in the mood to blog much since I write a lot otherwise.
A poem I heard at the end of the show I was watching tonight, Criminal Minds, (which featured my friend, Richard Clarke Larsen as a man with five kids as a possible suspect in a child abduction case) prompted me to blog tonight however.
I'll admit, I don't like these shows normally, but Shemar Moore is so easy on the eyes I can overlook the sick depravity once in a while. "I only made one baby, but I sure made a pretty baby." See why I, Ellen and his mama think this is true in the video.:)
And if he's still single, please tell him so am I baby. So am I.:)
I like Criminal Minds every so often, because there's always some type of heartwarming ending due to the nice blonde actress, A.J. Cook, who seems so out-of-place cuz she's so sweet. And I like the quirky research character, Kirsten Vangsness, (does every crime show need one of those - NCSI anyone - or are women who research just odd?:)) and the quirky doctor played by Matthew Gray Gubler who always reminds me of his role in 500 Days of Summer whenever I see him on this show.
Nice to see in his bio he was raised with good values.:) I enjoy the other characters too, but sometimes they can be a little intense. It's especially hard to see Dharma's husband (Thomas Gibson) in a serious role without wondering when Dharma's going to pop out.:
Tonight's episode ended with the following poem by Emily Dickinson which actually inspired me to write this blog in the first place. The sentiment was so beautiful I just wanted to share it with the world.
And I normally don't like poetry...
I'll close with this because I think we can all use a little more hope in this day and age:
500 Days of Summer, A.J. Cook, Body Glove, Creating the 10k, Criminal Minds, Dharma, Dharma & Greg, Emily Dickinson, Hope, Joy A. Kennelly, Kirsten Vangsness, Matthew Gray Gubler, NCSI, Open House, Richard Clarke Larsen, Russ Lesser, Science Fair, Shemar Moore, TEDxMB, The Joy Writer PR, Thomas Gibson
I enjoyed swimming this morning because it finally loosened up my hip muscle that has been hurting over a week now. The side stroke is my favorite because it really stretches my entire body and hit exactly where I needed it.
I then enjoyed a leisurely nap after reading a very funny book. I would tell you the title, but some people might not understand my sense of humor.:) Ask me privately and I'll tell you. After that, spent the majority of the day writing and catching up on stuff.
Tonight, catching up on my FirstPlace4Health homework which I need someone to help me interpret because some of it is confusing to figure out on my own.
So happy my month-long fast from events is over and I can go out again. I think I'll be more picky going forward though because I got so much more done not going out as often.
Have a good one! Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Reposting my bucket list from last year because I need the reminder and it's fun to look back to see what I've done and still want to do. Enjoy!
What is yours?
Let's see, in no particular order, here's my spur of the moment, off the top of my head "bucket list" (from last year) -
1. visit Tahiti 2. see healing of family relationships - (starting.) 3. finish my PR certificate at UCLA Extension (may give up on this one, but we'll see. Not that important to me now.) 4. fall madly and deeply in love with the man I'm to marry and spend the rest of my life with. (Hmmm.:)) 5. get my hormones balanced out once and for all - (Hmmm.) 6. lose 15 or 20 more pounds (lost 12 so far!) and keep it off (eating better and joined a gym!) 7. travel the world to exotic places I've never been like Thailand, Fiji, Bangkok, Australia, New Zealand (still want to do this. Better get cracking!) 8. go back to Africa and visit everywhere we lived and traveled to when I was young (love Africa and can't wait to do this.) 9. write my book on my open adoption experience and have it turned into a movie (maybe this is the year? Must join a writing group to organize my current book proposal!) 10. have a syndicated column writing like I do for my blog on whatever I feel like (need to pursue this seriously.) 11. make a difference in my community that changes its course of history forever (well, I guess you could say I've done this indirectly by helping my guys get into office and blocking the decision by the last city council to legalize alcohol on the beach.) 12. be a good role model to my nieces and son and children who are like family to me (trying.) 13. paint more (man, haven't done this at all and need to!) 14. love more (feel like I have done this and can always do more.) 15. share more (getting better at this too.) 16. volunteer more (need to do this more.) 17. trust more (learning...) 18. laugh more (always!) 19. bitch less (okay...!) 20. Enjoy life to the fullest in whatever I'm doing, with whoever I'm doing it with (Done and done!) 21. See The Oprah Show and The Ellen Show live to see great guests and receive great gifts (A girl can dream can't she?!) 22. See loved ones I've been praying for come to know Jesus as their personal Lord and savior (keeping this on the list.) 23. Be a better friend in a deeper way to people in my life I care about (Believe I've done this, but will have to ask them.) 24. Have my life count for something bigger than myself (still trying to determine exactly what that is, but enjoying the process.) 25. balance my life better (now that I've closed my business, it seems to be happening naturally.)
Trying to decide if there's anything new for this year... Oh yes, here's some new ones...
26. Become more financially savvy is always good.
27. Find my new career passion.
28. See my sister and her family in CO
29. Resolve issues with the adoptive family once and for all.
30. Attend the Pebble Beach Food & Wine Festival and others I enjoyed last year (with or without a Chef this time.)
31. Get more involved with national politics on issues I care deeply about.
32. Create a group of like-minded women who will be supportive and encouraging to pursue our goals together.
33. Get more involved in business-oriented groups (online and offline - WITI, Women in Gaming, Art Lewin's groups, etc)
34. Check out doing voice-overs again.:)
35. Start writing articles for publications I enjoy reading myself. This time for reals.
36. Save up to buy a higher quality camera and take a photography class to better learn how to adjust the lighting etc.
37. Make quality time for friends and family (even when I get busy again.)
38. Start sewing again.
39. Wear more red, blue, pink and colors I look good in rather than black all the time.:)
40. Write more frequently. Just because.
41. Go to my new gym at a minimum of two times a week. (Buy new gym clothes to make me want to go!)
42. Learn to cook and have more dinner gatherings to showcase new recipes.
43. Find a political campaign I can work or volunteer on for CA's upcoming elections. (Preferably paid.)
44. Create photo albums rather than just keep everything online and share/gift with friends and family.
45. Become a more Godly woman. Find a Bible Study that will challenge me spiritually and stick to it.
46. Find a nice place to live that is great for entertaining and comfy.
47. Pitch spas and write about my experiences.
48. Take a photoshop class.
49. Treat my Mom and Dad to nice things more.
50. Enjoy the process of life and let it happen as it may. Enjoy more "Come What May" days.:)
Today is the first day I can sit up and not feel like I'm rolling around on a ship from the dizzyness. I finally feel like everything is going to be ok and it's finally okay to cry over the trauma I've experienced. I don't cry easily, but I'm learning it's ok and helps in the healing process.
Caught up on the missed final episodes of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy which always pulls my emotions out (Grey's more than Desperate). I realize that my accident could have been so much worse. I could have not had the help I received almost immediately. I could have been hurt much worse, but I'm not.
Doesn't make the pain lessen, or the loss of time spent with friends come back, but at least today I can take a shower, put on clothes, put on my new sunglasses purchased to hide the hideous black eye and bruising on the left side of my face, and go out into the world to catch the tail end of this holiday weekend.
Perhaps live a little normally for a few hours, enjoy BBQ corn and other things everyone else has this weekend. This experience has taught me how vulnerable I really am and even though I'm very strong, I still need people to encourage and support me just like anyone else.
I'm also going to need help doing things I'm responsible for professionally if I'm to accomplish them in a timely fashion. That's the hardest part - asking for help, but it's necessary. I'll keep you posted.
I'm just very grateful I'm not hurt worse, for the people who were there to take care of, my parents who have been watching and helping me these last few days as only your parents know how, and all the good wishes and prayers offered on my behalf.
Thank you. It meant a lot and I believe has helped me heal faster.
Life has a funny way of slowing you down when you're doing too much. I didn't think I'd be off the tread mill so quickly, but when you flip off a bike over the handlebars going full-speed because my bag hit the spokes, then it's time to take it easy.
I'm very grateful to the woman who called 911 and stayed to make sure I was ok, the HB Fire Captain (whose name escapes me because I was so out of it when he stopped to help me who was on his way to his daughter's graduation and stopped out of the goodness of his heart), Lifeguard Mike Miller for staying with me until the ambulance came and then taking care of my bike so I didn't have to worry about it afterwards, and all the kind EMT's and hospital nurses and doctor who helped me immediately after at Little Company of Mary.
Especially Nurse Ruth for that pain killer shot - what a relief! and Rolando with all the tats who might have scared me in another situation, but was so kind and caring I really appreciated him. And my parents who are caring for me now. The left side of my face and eye is extremely swollen and I look like Igor from some horror movie, but other than intense back pain and overall soreness, no broken bones or serious injury.
God is good! That's all I have to say. Now hopefully everyone who knows my real age won't blab it around. If anyone asks, I'm in my thirties. LOL
Now to get back in bed - I need to continue icing everything. So happy my parents are taking good care of me because I'm not supposed to be sleeping alone for the first 24 hours to make sure I don't have anything else more serious. Wish it was a boyfriend taking care of me instead, but...lol
Happy Memorial Day everyone! Don't do what I did and be safe out there!
If you knew him, please consider clicking through to the www.lafuneral.com link and leaving a condolence message for his family. I'm sure they'd appreciate it. A memorial service is planned later this summer.
How do you like them apples LV? I guess one out of three aint bad. lol
Moving right along. Here's a link with news on who and what to vote for on Tuesday, May 19th special election (Vote for Teresa Hernandez!) and I quote from the www.socalgop.com site:
The Southern California Republican Coalition is taking the lead in the grassroots opposition to Proposition 1A.
Governor may want to increase your taxes.... The California
legislature's Democrats may want to increase your taxes.... The
California Republican Party and its Chairman may not be willing to take
a position.... The Chairman of the Republican Party of Los Angeles
County may not be willing to take a position....
But make no mistake grassroots Republicans know a HUGE TAX INCREASE when they see one -- and so does the Southern California Republican Coalition. The SCRC emphatically OPPOSES Proposition 1A.
It is a tax increase disguised as a spending cap that has not teeth.
The public employee unions may love it, but every tax payer in this
state knows better. The SCRC is leading an advertising campaign
against 1A - Please click to donate today online.
"Prop 1A is a huge tax increase disguised as a shame, weak spending cap. The voters are not as ill-informed as legislative and party
leaders may wish them to be. The tax payers of California are not
buying their lies. The Democrats lied, and the Economy Died - and we
refuse to go along to get along!" says Southern California Republican
Coalition Chairman, James Crean.
"We oppose raising taxes for so
many reasons. We are in a serious economic downturn and increased
taxes means there is less money to spend to spur the economy which is
needed to lead to real job growth.
"The legislature just
increased our taxes by $42 Billion dollars and now they want to add
another $16B in tax increases. That will do only one thing - cause
everyone who pays taxes to look at moving out of California, especially
those that run businesses in order to lower their product costs in
order to stay competitive when prices are dropping across the country,"
There were no real cuts made in the legislature's
prior budget, nearly all cuts were shame cuts in job positions with no
one in the job or they were reductions in the year to year growth
without any real decrease. The Democrat legislature does not have any
backbone for real cuts and the more taxes we give them, the more ways
they will find to grow government and continue to pay off the public
employee unions, such as the California Prison Guards union, the
California Teachers Association union, and the Service Employees
In a time when real citizen's 401K and
retirement savings accounts values are dropping, the unions are
bankrupting the state with enormous retirement benefits that often lead
to union employees earning more in retirement than when they were
employed by the state of California. Yet the unions are making no concessions, preferring to raise everyone else's taxes to pay their
addiction to tax payer's money.
"The only informed vote on
Proposition 1A is NO," says SCRC Chairman Crean, "and we are taking a
lead position with grassroots voters to inform voters to vote NO on 1A
along with NO on the other propositions. I hope folks will go to www.SoCalGOP.com and make even a small contribution to save us from more tax increases."
Ron Prentice is the CEO of California Family Council, formally
associated with Focus on the Family and also working alongside Family
Research Council. California Family Council (CFC) was formed in 2003
with Ron as the founding director. With offices in Southern California
and Sacramento, CFC’s mission is to protect and promote Judeo-Christian
principles in California’s culture. They do so by communicating the
analysis of current legislation, creating pastor and grassroots
coalitions, and educating the general population on the issues of the
day. Ron also serves as the Chairman of the ProtectMarriage.com – Yes
on 8 Coalition, working with dozens of national, state, and local
groups to bring about a victory for traditional marriage in California.
Location:Sizzler Torrance, 2880
Sepulveda Bl. (Between Crenshaw & Hawthorne). NOTE: we now have
the full meeting room due to the large monthly turnouts. No more
standing room only!
All are welcome - Members and non-members alike! This event is Free
And for those of you interested in making positive changes in your life, don't forget to sign up for the Standup Leadership seminar entitled Leading Change at www.leaderyou.com which will feature Coach Lori Ketkar and distinguished Naval officers, CAPT Luke and First Brigade Commander, Juliane, at The Shore Restaurant and Lounge from 5:30pm - 8:30pm.
Lastly, for those who want to learn more about our upcoming TLC Empowerment Group which starts June 3, 2009 at TLC Pharmacy, join Business and Life Coach Sherry Marshall, TLC Pharmacists' Annabell and Mindy, me and Perfect Body from 4pm - 6pm at Luna G located at 323 Pier Ave in Hermosa Beach, CA that same Thursday night, May 21.
Check out Luna G's latest designer clothing for men and women and unique gifts, taste GoChi Juice and TAIslim, meet Perfect Body trainers and the rest of us and have fun mixing and mingling.
Just think? Two great events on the same night! Hermosa Beach is the place to be Thursday night!
Back to your regularly scheduled Sunday.
I've been enjoying mine since I rode my neighbor's bike to the Healthy Living Festival in Manhattan Beach at the Metlox Plaza and blogging.
Time to go home and get ready to go out for drinks at that new Redondo Beach restaurant named Maison Riz.
That's my kind of place if you're taking notes. :) Gotta run!
Beach Cities Republican Club, Biz & Life Coach Sherry Marshall, California Family Counci, CAPT Luke, CEO, Coach Lori Ketkar, Gary M. Mallette, GoChi Juice, Healthy Living Festival in Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach, Joy A. Kennelly, Leader You, Maison Riz, Male, No on Proposition 1A, Old, Perfect Bodies, Republican, Ron Prentice, TAIslim, Teresa Hernandez for Congress, The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade, The Shore Restaurant and Lounge, The Southern California Republican Coalition, This is Hermosa, TLC Pharmacy, www.lafuneral.com, www.socalgop.com, www.thejoywriter.typepad.com/thejoywriterpr
Very busy day today. Started out hitting my former church, Bay Cities Community, because they had an 8am service and I needed to be in Hollywood by 11am. I just loved being there. It was like old home week, or going home to see the parents. Very warm and cozy feeling. Very welcoming.
I enjoyed being there, but also realized Church of the Beach Cities is really my new church home. However, will continue visiting here until after the Oscars due to my schedule. Plus, it's nice to see old friends.
My good friend, Dr. James Gambrell, invited me to attend his upcoming concert, "On The Battlefield For Our Lord," in observance of Black History Month. Tribute to Black Christian Music - An Evening of Spirituals and Hymns, on Friday, February 20, 2009 from 7:00pm - 8:30pm at Baycities Lomita Campus 2043 Lomita Blvd, Lomita, CA.
Come early and enjoy Southern style food and drinks from 6:00pm - 7:00pm. Sounds like a great evening. Gospel music always moves me. You?
I have so many good African American friends who are accomplished and at ease with who they are and race isn't an issue at all between us. That's why it always surprises me to meet people who use their race to play victim.
That same Dem who has no worries about all the tax evaders and lobbyists Obama has been selecting, was totally trying to say that I was responsible for the evil history of African Americans today when we were debating politics.
He obviously doesn't know who I am, who my friends are, nor the fact that I have a son who is half-black. What a victim! Get a life and stop blaming others. I thought Obama was supposed to wipe out this type victimhood, but I guess not. Maybe this guy needs some NLP reprograming. lol
In any case, had to dash off to Hollywood for training to be a press escort for the Oscars. It's super top secret so that's all I can say about that. Totally going to be amazing if today was any indication. Life is good!
Then dashed home and have been working on writing the press release and press kit materials for MB City Council Candidate, Kathleen Paralusz, ever since. She is extremely accomplished and I believe will really help Manhattan Beach, which is one of the cities I grew up in.
Hours later I'm finally done, but I'm oddly energized. Then again watching the Grammy's while I write surely helped. Music tonight was amazing!YEAH COLDPLAY! LOVE Adele too. Lovely Jennifer Hudson and oh so many more... Whassup with Chris Brown and Rhiana?
Okay, that's all because my hands are tired and I have a 7am meeting tomorrow.
Isn't this verse encouraging? Psalm 30:5b "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."
So true, so true. Nothing like a good cry to clear out the toxins and the blues. I have some very loving friends who really comforted me and I'm very grateful to them. One invited me to have a glass of red wine with her and spill my guts which surprisingly was very helpful.
Who knew if it was the chance to chat, or simply the wine, but I felt so much better afterward I'm tempted to include red wine every time I get the blues!:) What a sweetie Greycie is to so many!
She runs Luna G and offers the most wonderful designer clothing for men and women right here in Hermosa Beach. I promised to give her a proper write up soon, but wanted to give her a shout out now in the meantime.
Then, my Thai neighbor Lotus gave me a professional mani/pedi in the comfort of her home rather than her salon while we watched the stupid film, Van Wilder. I forgot how crass it was, but it felt good to laugh at the stupidity. I love bulldogs! LOL
Lotus is available to come to your home too if you're local! Shoot me an email and I'll hook you up (if you're good.lol) I feel so pretty now - nothing beats a great mani/pedi to feel pampered I always say.
Today, another good friend, Angelique, came over to help me organize my piles of paperwork that have been overwhelming me forever. What a sense of accomplishment and peace to be so organized once again.
Thank you Angelique aka my angel. She's an excellent Executive Assistant who was recently downsized and is available for personal assistant work if you need some help. Let me know and I'll shoot over her resume.
Like my friend Georgine says, she's using this time to get ready and it's all about your attitude. I totally agree. Keep a Positive Mental Attitude like my former PE teacher from 8th grade always used to say. I also always get a great boost from attending my Business Networking International Beach Cities Professional group - motivated, positive, encouraging, supportive people.
Thanks BCP colleagues and friends! I needed you all in my life!
This young man is absolutely amazing. I've been wrestling with what to share about this week and my struggles and sickness when I stumbled across this man's life changing story and just had to share it with you now.
My back has been out of commission for so long I haven't been able to leave Hermosa Beach or the South Bay for weeks. Never realized how important the escape was until this past week.
Ventured down to the Santa Monica Pier to catch their free concerts on the pier, but just wasn't feeling the music. Some Italian woman was singing soulful, sad sounding songs by the time we got there. We enjoyed the rasta band playing in Rusty's Surf Ranch on the Pier so much more!
Even the armless guy playing guitar with his toes begging for money on the sidewalk was better in our minds. Sad, but true.
I had grabbed a friend for company and we ended up taking quite a nice little tour of Santa Monica Pier. Here's me on the beach. It had been so long since I'd been to the pier, I didn't even know there was a Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurant there!
That was fun to check out. I bought a t-shirt for my son (who lives with his adoptive parents in DC) and then we flitted in and out of a couple places to check out the scene. Loved the bathroom mosaic tilework at Shutters Hotel on the Beach.
Here's us goofing around inside. What's the guys bathroom like?
Also, the decorations at Casa Del Mar - two of my absolute favorite places in Santa Monica to hang out, meet people for drinks, enjoy a nice meal and conversation, or just read.
I love nice hotels even when I don't stay there, but just visit. We really felt like we were on vacation because we'd both been cooped up for a bit - her with a cold and me with my back.
Good to get out is all I have to say.
Then my friend/client, Arlene, was very sweet and treated me to high tea at my favorite Beverly Hills hotel - The Four Seasons on Doheny. Recognize these stars? lol We did see an actor there, but everyone's famous in BH, so who cares right? Just kidding.
I don't know what it is about that place, but it's my favorite hang. Plus, their high tea is really, really wonderful. We had a great time catching up and she was busting a gut at some of my recent pix which made me happy.
Isn't the elevator tilework pretty? I'm a sucker for good artistry.
Popped over to visit my married Cougar friend Shana afterwards for a quick minute who informed me this morning after going out last night with her friends some 27 year old is after her now. We crack each other up with our young guy tales. She's very happily married and I just like to have fun with the whole concept.
My friend Adrienne keeps telling me I should pitch a cougar reality show, but I figure if I'm that interesting, people will find me. Plus, do I really want superficial, sex-driven, go nowhere
relationships showcased on TV? Not really. I just like goofing around
and being silly. Helps break up the stress of real life. LOL I'm ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille! Okay, that's all the fun recap for now.
Please pray for my friend Deborah's dad who's in surgery today from 12-5pm. It's extremely serious and he could die. Sorry for the downer, but sometimes life interrupts and requires a quiet moment, or two. Thanks for your prayers. She's very scared for him. Me too.
Bubba Gump Shrimp Restaurant, Casa Del Mar, cougar, Hermosa Beach, Joy A. Kennelly, Rusty's Surf Ranch, Santa Monica, Santa Monica Pier, Shutters Hotel on the Beach, South Bay, The Four Seasons on Doheny, The Joy Writer PR Blog
I don't know what those Greeks put in my iced coffee today, but it's 4:30am and I'm wide awake! It's the only thing I can think of. Just teasing. Or am I? That, plus the fact that I totally overdid my fun today and my back is telling me so in no uncertain terms. I'm waiting for the two Ibuprofen to kick in to put me to sleep.
Backs are so weird. When you're feeling good and not injured, you never know it's there. However, once you're hurt, then it feels like a hot burning rod that says, Here I am. Don't sit there. Wait, don't lie like that. No, that's not right either. Stop it. You're hurting me! OUCH! OUCH!
Fortunately, I will have relief in the morning when I visit the doctor's office. Oh wait, it is morning. I don't think I've ever in my life stayed up this late except for..., oh let's not go there. Memories, like the corners of my mind. Is that the verse? I think I'm becoming delirious. Just kidding.
What totally cracked me up, is here it was 3:30am in the morning and since I'm not sleeping I think, let's see what all the other insomniacs watch. Lots and lots of informercials, but then, I flip to Bravo and guess who was on?
My new best friend, Kathy Griffin! I can not even believe it. I can't get away from that redhead. She was just what the doctor ordered. She's my Oprah. You know how other people turn on Oprah to escape their life? Well, I'm watching Kathy to escape my pain. Thank you Ms. Kathy Griffin.
Thank you too, for bleeping out the bad words. Although I have to admit, I did swear during a recent Hermosa Beach Planning Commission meeting which was televised, so I'm not innocent either. However, it's much more pleasant to watch your show sans the F bombs. Now if you could only teach Chris Rock to clean up his act too.
Wouldn't it be funny if someone washed out all the celebrities mouth's who swore on TV? Think of all the lives that could be changed by cleaner airwaves - young kids growing up realizing that the F word isn't an adjective. Teen-age boys realizing that the F word doesn't signify making love. 20 somethings the same thing. 30 somethings same thing. 40 somethings I don't know. Our whole world might have an expanded vocabulary!
I AM SO TIRED! Why can't I sleep? I'm telling you. Don't order Greek iced coffees if any one ever offers you one ok? Trust me, it's murder. My body is so tired, but my mind is racing a 100 mph. TURN OFF PLEASE! Generally whenever I've not been able to sleep before, I blog and then my mind goes calm and I can sleep.
So, back to Kathy. So, here I am, 3:30am in the morning watching Kathy go to a Bear convention. Now when I first heard the news, I thought it was for people who get off dressing up in bear costumes which is funny and weird as it is, but it's not that. It's gay men who look like bears.
Now that really is Life on the D list. Too funny.
Now what was so hilarious about this one is that Steve Woz, her beau (you know, the guy who created Apple Computers with the other Steve), actually looks like a bear himself and the bear gays were into him! Woz is such a crack-up because he's so brilliant and yet so naive it's really endearing. She kept calling him the Billionaire bear. Wouldn't you like to take him home with you?
I now see why Kathy likes him and vice versa. She's very smart. He's very smart. He's not phased by her act. She's not phased by his wealth. He accepts her for who she is. She accepts him for who he is. Isn't that what we all really want after all? They're adorable together.
I also learned why Tom, her male assistant, always looks so odd. He plucks out his top eyelashes! No wonder! I thought it was because he just looks bug eyed, but now that I know this... Makes total sense. Nothing against you Tom. You're a good man, but you have to know this isn't helping your appearance.
I should talk. I pull hairs out of my eyebrows just for the hell of it when I'm too lazy to do it properly. I figure I'm so blonde no one can really tell what my brows look like anyway, but every so often there's these little gaps that show up when I put color on them.
Stop looking at me! It's really not that noticeable, but since Tom shared his beauty secret, I felt I should share mine too. I'm bonding. Don't try this at home.
Now if these stupid Ibuprofen I just took would only kick in. I've been trying not to take any drugs because I find when I do, then I really over do it because I don't know when I'm hurting my back as easily. When I'm not, then I do. However, I'm trying to sleep so hopefully this will kick in soon. I really must get some Motrin and GoChi Juice asap.
GoChi Juice is a natural anti-inflammatory and also helps your sleep. When I was drinking it before I felt really good and slept really well. Now, without it. OUCH! Insomnia! However, I'm trying not to complain because who wants to hear someone going on and on about this? I don't. I bet you don't either.
But if it bugs you so much, stop reading ok? I'm not paying you right? Sorry, feeling a little grouchy. Meow. Hiss...
Okay, I think that's all I wanted to say. I just really wanted to have some fun today because I'm so tired of not being able to live my normal life since this accident. Guess I really need to baby myself which I don't like doing.
Oh, and nothing against the Greeks. I'm just teasing. I'm also just teasing when I refer to my friend as a Desperate Housewife. She laughed so so should you ok? Life's easier when you can laugh at yourself. Right Kathy?
I have bronchitis according to my doc, or else a peculiar case of pneumonia. Now that I know what it is I feel better. She said it probably wasn't Valley Fever because I was hacking up a lung and feeling very weak even before going to AZ.
However, if the antibiotics don't kick this then we'll see what else we can find. OY! At least I know for now though. Makes me feel good to know it's not allergies and there's a cure in sight. I hope...:)
My Bible Study group are praying hard for me which might explain why I felt a little stronger today. Ever since Friday night I've been so whipped it's all I could do to get out of bed and function. So nice to have my brain back too. Got to have my energy for tomorrow night's big mixer and Sunday afternoon's event too!
Lots of good stuff rolling along. I'll share more later, but know it's all good.
Hope you're having a good one. Try to pop by my event even if just for a bit. We think we're going to have a real fun crowd because Sharkeez has invited their crowd and we've invited a ton of people too.
All the time. God is good. Did your Presbyterian church ever say that? I love that saying. Today it's so true! God is an awesome God is all I have to say.
More later, but right now The Riches is on. I would have written more sooner, but cable's been out for the past bunch of days. Kind of nice with no internet access - made me actually make phone calls!:)
Sometimes you just need a good friend to tell it like it is and remind you that God is in control, not you. I keep saying I'm turning my life over to His will and His leading in my life, but deep down inside I keep thinking that means I'll still get to play in Hollywood with all my friends I've known for years and years.
Not so. I was reminded tonight by my good friend that when one door closes, another opens. Right now it seems like God is closing the door for me to do more personal publicity for actors and it's very sad to me. I LOVE that kind of work. I love helping people brand themselves and create business and opportunities from that identity.
I LOVE IT! It makes me very happy and I think I'm good at it. Others do too, but they can't afford my services (at least the ones I'm meeting. Maybe I need to meet more better ones. Ya think?)
For whatever reason though, it's just not happening right now and I have to accept that fact as a fact and stop living in denial. Maybe I'll go back to doing it down the road, but for now... Not happening. I'm beginning to realize I don't really know what God wants for my life anymore.
That's why my friend telling me she knows I have a gift for publicity and that maybe God wants to use my talents in representing the South Bay is a little overwhelming, but also encouraging. Maybe this is the right direction to take.
I have to admit though. When I think about living AND working down here I feel like I'm going to be bored out of my skull! What is going on at night other than bars and happy hours? Will someone please tell me? Lots of stuff to do on the weekends and during the day, but nights? WHAT IS THERE TO DO - ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE SINGLE???
Maybe I need to start planning some parties and get some events going or something. I don't know, but I do know that if I am going to stay down here I need to entertain myself. I can't deal with the thought that the highlight of my night is going to be meeting a friend of mine down at Barnes & Nobles and seeing what the latest mags are. I'll shrivel up and die! Not that there's anything wrong with it, but not all the time!
No wonder people drink so much down here. LOL. They're bored! I'm bored! Oh well. I need to stop ragging on my little home town and start doing something to make it more fun. I'm sure there's other people like me who would love to do stuff at night too.
I can only hit Java Man so often too. Love that place, but have to say, the customer service with some of the guys working there has gotten kind of bad. I don't know why. I'm not tipping any different than I have in the past. I am ordering the same stuff. I don't know. Just an fyi, mr. owner guy. Especially the Sunday closing crew. What's up their butt?
I was so bored I threw an impromptu night BBQ on Tuesday and all nine people I invited showed up. That was with two hours notice. I think they're bored too. This community needs something pulling the singles and those without children of the town together outside of bars. Just a thought.
I'm tired. Just felt like blogging. It's been awhile because I've been busy and other stuff taking up my time, but I miss sharing. Maybe it's a little too personal, but I always hope that perhaps other people will relate to what I've written and will be comforted or encouraged to know they're not alone feeling the way they do.
One of the things the former shrink from the Women of Faith conference I attended last weekend said is, "When we reveal, then we heal." (This was a very fun conference, but kind of Christian lite so you had to be there which is why I'm not covering it. Check out the link for more details. It's good, just not what I expected. Laughed a lot though!)
I kept trying to read bits and pieces of the book over the breaks because it had such an intriguing title and he's such a great author on numerous topics. I almost didn't get it because I still have a gift card from the women's retreat I attended and was going to get it later, but then I read his counseling of an overweight patient about how to effectively lose weight - one pound at a time, one week at a time (more details in the book - read it! It's really great. This is my 2nd time reading it now.) which was a concept I hadn't really grasped because I'm the "I want it now and if I can't have it right now why bother" type person.
However, that idea really resonated with me and since reading the book I've joined a gym again. Time to hit the ground running so to speak. Maybe I'll eat more salads now too. Maybe Weight Watchers is next? Who knows? :)
Back to the book though, I digress. What Dr. Cloud explains is that there are 9 certain traits and characteristics of successful people that he was able to analyze after meeting so many "de ja vu" people. He calls them that because he kept meeting people who reminded him of other people and he thought maybe he'd met them before because there were so many similarities, but then he realized these people all addressed life in the same successful way. That's the genesis of the book. I highly, highly recommend it. It's easy to read, lots of examples with real people not celebrities which would make you think you can't attain that life, and very informative.
There's a little study guide that goes along with it and if you bought the two together at the conference I was attending you got a discount - I bought both.:) Now I'm starting to read the daily step by step guide to changing your life in 30 days. It's very scriptural so if that's not your thing don't bother. But if you are interested in hearing God's perspective on you and your dreams, then get it. I'm enjoying reading it too.
Speaking of goal setting... A few of my friends and I are going to start the Goal Gals back up again real soon. (It's something I created back in the mid-90's which my friend Cynthia named when she was part of it where I get groups of people together to accomplish goals in three month increments.)
I'm excited about starting again because I always get so much support in groups like this and accomplish so much more than I would by myself. It's a good time to start too because pretty soon I'm going to be very busy again. I'm very excited that my producer/writer/mentor friend, Marcia, is going to help me create my adoption doc because I'm just way too close to be objective. Should be interesting...at least I hope!
I'm also looking forward to taking Chris Howard's seminar again next weekend. He takes everything that's taught on goal setting and just kicks it up to a whole other level. I was so inspired last time I attended can't wait to attend this one. I think you can still sign up for free. Check it out. If you're a conference attender like I am!:)
I'm still loving working with my artist client, Gali Rotstein. She's creating some really cool new art pieces and is busy in the studio. I'm busy pitching her to more and more galleries. We have some pending, but until things are confirmed I can't really discuss them here. Just know as soon as we know, you will know. There's also a very cool women's magazine (one of my favorites actually) interested in her story too and if I get her that hit, it will be major! Say a prayer!:)
Otherwise, wrapped the car gig last week (although they're not done, but I was - HA HA) and have been busy catching up on things this week as a result. I don't know how people work 9am - 5pm. I really don't. It's so machine like. But the money's nice I guess. However, according to my Henry Cloud book, it's more important to do something that makes your heart sing.
So, I'm off to read more and learn what's going to make my heart sing! Have a good one all.
I'm beginning to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and praying for the wisdom to know the difference. It still deeply, deeply, deeply, saddens me that the South Bay is so over-run with rampant, flagrant alcohol abuse on our public parks and beaches.
I couldn't stop from crying today as I shared my past few weeks with my Al Anon group because it just breaks my heart that my city is so blind to the legacy of drinking we're leaving generations to come unless we make some changes now.
Here's some information to help those of you curious what I'm talking about to understand the nature of this disease. Those who suffer from it can find information on Alcoholic Anonymous at the end. Thanks for reading. My prayers and thoughts are with the city and those who still suffer.
May we see ourselves as we are and decide how we want to live. One day at a time.
Al-Anon Family Groups Backgrounder
the U.S. and Canada, there are more than 18 million people with a drinking problem, and only 10 percent of them will ever get help. according to some estimates, every individual with a drinking problem
disrupts the lives of at least four other people through business and financial responsibilities neglected or the child who loses a parent due to a drunken driving accident, careers ruined and marriages
destroyed by problem drinking. Of the estimated 80 million Americans and Canadians affected by someone else's drinking, most will not get help for themselves and many will never even realize that they could
have benefited from some insight into the problems caused by another person's drinking.
Al-Anon Family Groups was the first of many mutual support groups to adapt AA's Twelve Step
Program. It is well-known, but still not widely understood. Al-Anon focuses only on providing confidential help to people in need. There are no celebrity spokespeople; the confidentiality and anonymity of members is strictly protected.
Al-Anon Family Groups (which includes Alateen for younger family members) is a pioneer in the concept of "family recovery" from alcoholism, which holds that one person's drinking problem adversely affects the lives of close friends and family, and that friends and family who are able to recover from these adverse affects are able to improve their lives, as well as the problem drinker's chances for recovery.
There are 26,000 autonomous Al-Anon/Alateen groups in 131 countries, with groups now starting in Cuba, Iran and Romania.
Al-Anon Family Groups is supported by members' contributions and sale of its literature. The group declines contributions from non-members, and accepts no outside funding from government, foundations, or other agencies.
Al-Anon has helped millions of people over 55 years, and sold about 13 million books, including the inspirational daily readers One Day at a Time in Al-Anon and Courage to Change. There are more than 100 Al-Anon/Alateen books and pamphlets. A range of materials are available in more than 30 languages.
Information on A.A.
Alcoholics Anonymous® is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
I'm absolutely wiped out tonight - too many meetings all week long. Hoping to have more next week, but tonight I'm kickin' it.
Just had to comment though that Donny Deutsch seems to have a lot of fans! Most people who've found my blog this week are because of my writing about his Big Idea show...LOL.
In any case, had an amazing dinner and drinks with Ewa and Gary over at the Portofino Hotel & Yacht Club in Redondo Beach the other night. I didn't even recognize the property since it's been completely renovated - it was absolutely stunning.
If you haven't gone there in a few years, it's definitely worth taking a date you want to impress to their Baleen restaurant since it's extremely romantic with subdued lighting, candlelight at the table, the boats gently rocking in the harbor, a cool sea breeze coming in the open windows, and amazing food!
Here's the official description of the restaurant according to one travel site I found:
Baleen Los Angeles
renowned for its serious food and whimsical mood, the all-new Baleen
Redondo Beach brings an eclectic fine dining experience to The
Portofino Hotel & Yacht Club, with the Pacific Ocean offering the
perfect backdrop. For outside dining, the patio overlooks the marina
with dramatic drapery and firepits. Inside, the motif is balanced with
dark wood flooring and accents. The upstairs bar offers a
cosmopolitan-lounge vibe, with fireside sofas and chairs."
I'm not a foodie so I can't do the food justice, but trust me it was really, really good. The entire place is like this hidden jewel of the South Bay. Shhh, don't tell anyone because I want it to be my private hide-a-way when I need to get away from the world.
Very sophisticated, charming, resort-feel to this sea-side location. I just loved it and loved the company of that night. If you look at the web site you will be blown away with the renovation of the place. Very elegant - definitely my kind of hotel.
We three met at the big chamber mixer over in El Segundo and had originally planned to just get together for drinks, but pretty soon, drinks lead to appetizers which lead to me enjoying filet mignon encrusted in Roquefort on a bed of sliced short rib pieces with a side of mashed potatoes and artichoke and a caprese salad. Wonderful.
I had been so tired from driving all day to various meetings when we first met at 7:00pm I had to have two cokes to wake up. By the time we left the restaurant it must have been around 10:30pm we were all having such a fun time getting to know each other. That was a pure dining experience.
Ewa, the controller of the hotel, is so entertaining and interesting. Gary is my new ad/marketing bud who runs Tiburon Design. Very gifted,
talented guy with a great company. Highly recommend him and his work. I must say, that evening was one of my more memorable South Bay experiences to date.
Here's a link to the show in case you're curious to see which commercials won. I love this this stuff because I love cutting edge creativity which I believe the advertising industry creates over and over again. What was interesting was to discuss the state of this business since it's turned upside down right now. I never realized how many advertising events I go to till tonight.
Even though I'm in public relations, I appreciate good advertising. The ability to tell a story in 60 seconds is brilliant. That's why I think there's many talented commercial directors who move into creating amazing features as a result. I don't think it ever works the other way around though.:)
Here's a few of my favorites from tonight - watch them and you'll see why (They're all good, but these stood out the most to me.)
1. Vaseline "Sea of Skin" by Smuggler's Director Ivan Zacharis - brilliant talent - check out his reel on their site. This commercial is so artistic and all nude so it was only shown in Europe. It may offend some of you, but I love it. I think it's actually orchestrated by a famous artist, but I'm not sure. This company picked up 7 awards I believe.
2. JC Penny Crazy Beautiful - fun to watch, but you've probably seen it already. It was cute to see again.
3. Nike Zoom LeBron IV "Pool" by Epoch Films Inc's Director Stacy Wall. This one is so funny if you watch nothing else you must see this one.
There's others, but I'm tired and have a meeting with the Hermosa Beach City Manager in the morning and other meetings the rest of the day. Yes, I'm doing it. Going to see what we can do to help stop the public drunken madness one city official at a time. I'll keep you posted.
Oh yeah, the other day was interesting - here's one anecdote which should make you LOL as it did me. Met up with my new English actor friend and a group of his model, musician, director, actor friends at the Belmont again. He shared that he'd bumped into the Hotel Rwanda director at Les Deux the other night and he was wearing a t-shirt that said, "If you see the police - (then the logo) Warner bros (get it? Warn-a-brother?)
I have had such a kick sharing that with all my friends. I think it's especially ironic since it was that particular director wearing it! Too funny. Spent some time catching up with my good friend/mentor Marcia immediately after since she lives right around the corner and we rarely see each other any more, but talk on the phone all the time. Ended up borrowing a skirt from her since mine was linen and horribly wrinkled. Thanks Marcia!
The rest of the day was filled with a lunch meeting with Robin from LA Inc to discuss future media opportunities with them. While eating bumped into my technology friend Natalie Farsi who I only see when I'm dining out every few months or so - it's just uncanny how that happens.
Then dashed up to Shana's to see her since we rarely see each other any more since I'm living in the South Bay and she's still in Hollywood. Drove back down to the South Bay for a doctor's appointment which I missed so took a quick swim to cool down and mellow out before running back to Century City to the new X Bar in the Hyatt Regency in Century City to hear my other friend Natalie aka The Liquid Muse teach a class on how to make 4 different cocktails which was very entertaining and yummy.
Ironic, eh? However, I like to support my friend's endeavors and she personally invited me to attend so... I was just careful to soak up all the alcohol with lots of delicious appetizers.:)
Met the Hyatt hotel's amazing publicist, Jennifer Barry of The Barry Group, who I'd worked with on the hotel press release for the Los Angeles Convention & Visitors Bureau aka LA Inc. We happened to sit at the same little table and enjoyed noshing all class long. A little too spicy for me at times, but yummy nonetheless.
I really must have a mixer there soon because the outdoor patio is really, really lovely - outdoor firepit, huge comfy chairs, cool, summer breezes, and nice music playing. There was a girl laughing rather obnoxiously, but otherwise, it was very quiet overall. Extremely enjoyable. This hotel is where a lot of high-end Hollywood events are held so if you're looking for a convention location - check it out.
Then, once that was over dashed cross town to Hollywood again to Raleigh Studios (where I held one of my last festivals) for the Opening Night Gala of The Independent Television Festival and the LA TV Fest with a live performance by Biz Markie who was awesome! I had no idea what to expect and the friend I had invited bailed at the last minute leaving me to attend alone.
To be honest it was really nice to be free to do what I wanted and I actually had a great time - better than I expected! The backlot was absolutely packed with young, aspiring filmmakers. There was an energy in the air I've not experienced that often at most Hollywood events - it was like they were all expecting great things to happen and the world was their oyster. That was a great vibe to be part of.
Bumped into my Actress friend Esther and her girlfriend who I learned had been finalists that night which was great for them. Gave them a little boost and got them on the red carpet which was thrilling for them. Made me happy to help. We had fun creating fun pictures in their picture booth area.
Also bumped into a friend I haven't seen in maybe 7 years and had fun catching up with her until this weirdo guy who'd been bothering me all night came up and interrupted. For some reason my friend thought I'd want to talk to him and bowed out. I quickly gave him the cold shoulder and he finally got the hint. ICKY! Not my type AT ALL.
Now Shemar Moore, the actor, he is totally more my type and he was there. Yes girls, I gave him the flirty eye, but he had a beautiful blonde bombshell with him so I left them alone. However, later on I could swear I saw him looking at me. Isn't that so silly? Give a girl a break ok? It's been too long since a handsome black man has paid me some attention and I'm taking that to the bank.
I had to wonder if he'd read my blog from awhile back when I was cooing about how adorable he was and maybe he was wondering if it was me or not. No, Mr. Moore, I am not a stalker. Just an admirer of all that's hot and sexy and that night it was you babe. Bring it on!
Whoa, be still my beating heart. Okay, enough of the silly. What I really appreciated about that night was how multi-cultural it was. Years back when I was producing my film festival I always made sure to have representation of minorities. A filmmaker friend of mine didn't think it was that big a deal until I warned him he'd see it when he went to accept an award at the Kodak building.
When he walked in, he was the only black filmmaker there. His first name is Marshall and we both thought maybe since his film wasn't like a John Singleton ghetto film, maybe the judges thought he was white and he was there by mistake. I wonder what ever happened to him? He was extremely talented and I used to have the biggest crush on him. It was just nice to see that now at least at this festival we've come a long way baby.
Oh, I just remembered that tonight I not only enjoyed a great meal prepared by Patina, but I also bumped into my Redondo Beach editor friend, Nelson Brann, who edited the PSA I did a few years back for the Tsunami Relief Benefit I helped promote.
I didn't recognize him, but he recognized me and gave me a big hug hello. I said I know your voice and I know your face, but I can't remember your name. Then it all came rushing back. He's grown his hair out and looks completely different now! It was fun to catch up with him and his wife.
I also met the Publisher of the Creative Handbook, David Shapiro - great guy. We were having a nice chat, but I was distracted because I saw another friend, Sylvia Kahn, who I hadn't seen in more than 8 years walking towards me. She was part of my film festival days before I had my son.
She remembered me too! We met when I interviewed with the production company she had been working at at the time and we stayed friends for quite awhile afterwards. Sometimes I think I go out on interviews just to make new friends! LOL!
She's now working at Technicolor and we're going to "do lunch" soon. She's got this amazing new position and maybe there's some fun stuff for us to do together again. We'll see. You just never know who you'll bump into going out which is why I love Hollywood.
Now that my back is officially well as determined by my chiro I'm back to my usual hobnobbing in a big way which I just love. Met an Executive Producer tonight who wants to talk biz. Who knows - could start repping a post house which would be very cool. I love good creative work which is why I ran my film festival for so long despite the low pay. Not no mores though - you pay, or you don't play.
Okay, this is really all. I think the coffee I drank is finally wearing off and I'm tired enough to sleep. All in all, these past two days were a lot of fun and very good for meeting new people and catching up with old friends. Lovin' the variety!
Now to see what tomorrow (or should I say today since it is almost 2am) brings... Sleep well!
AICP Awards Show, Association of Independent Commercial Producers Aw, Biz Markie, Creative Handbook, Epoch Films, Hyatt Regency in Century City, LA Inc, LACMA, Los Angeles Convention & Visitors Bureau, Raleigh Studios, Shemar Moore, Smuggler, The Barry Group, The Independent Television Festival, The Liguid Muse, X Bar
The Simpson's Movie cel art party was so cute. Here's a pic of me with the characters. I wanted to take them home with me they were so cute. I love animation. I used to market the World Animation Celebration that 50,000 people would attend. As a result, I knew all the coolest animation and animators. Amazing talent in that field.
This party was in celebration of the upcoming Simpson's Movie and the walls were filled with cel art from the TV show, Family Guy, and other famous animation from all eras. They served Fritelli's Gourmet Donuts which were quite yummy. I didn't try a Flamin' Moe martini, but those looked good too. There was a lady giving make-up tattoos that the kids just loved. Joe Montagna, Fred Willard and Tom Arnold were some of the celebrities in attendance.
My client, Artist Gali Rotstein, came, as well as, Interior Designer, Leslie Sachs and Graphic Designer, Cynthia Combs. Gali showed me the completed press kits and they're just stunning. It's really amazing what a difference good design makes. I LOVE IT! Now to get the approval or whatever I need to start pitching her.
I was rather bummed that I was too late to benefit from my EPPS mixer so to comfort myself went to The Counter restaurant by myself. A friend had taken me there before, but we had arrived when they were closing so I wasn't able to experience it then. Just reading the review on the place - no wonder it's so crowded! Oprah AND GQ Magazine say they're the best burgers! GQ even went so far as to call it one of "The 20 Hamburgers You Must Eat Before You Die."
I wasn't terribly hungry having tried a donut earlier and skipped ordering the "Build Your Own Burger" which they're known for. I sat at the counter and was joined by a very interesting South African Graphic Designer who works for Paige Premium Denim. We had a great chat and when his burger came it was definitely a concoction all his own! No wonder the place was packed with men. What a great burger joint!
My veggie burger paled in comparison, but it was delicious nonetheless. It was fun to go out for dinner alone and have a nice conversation with someone unexpected. Just what I needed to get me out of my funk for missing my mixer.
Oh well, I've decided to start a professional networking mixer for PR/marketing/design/event people since we all collaborate anyway. Should be interesting to see who attends. Looking forward to it. Last night's MB Chamber Mixer was interesting. Bumped into my sister's childhood friend there and promptly re-connected them via the phone which was fun.
Schmoozed around with my new designer friend, Gary Evans of Tiburon Design, who is extremely talented. We met at the Torrance Chamber lunch. He's one of the people I'm considering starting this mixer with. Also some of my Beach Writer friends too. It's time all of different disciplines had a mixer to support each other as a whole!
So, that's all for now. We'll see what tomorrow brings! Have a good one!
A friend just sent me this and I had to share. Enjoy the read!
OUR CAREFUL UNBELIEF
"...do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on"
Jesus summed up commonsense carefulness in the life of a disciple as unbelief.
If we have received the Spirit of God, He will squeeze right through
our lives, as if to ask, “Now where do I come into this relationship,
this vacation you have planned, or these new books you want to read?”
And He always presses the point until we learn to make Him our first
consideration. Whenever we put other things first, there is confusion.
“...do not worry about your life....” Don’t take the pressure of your
provision upon yourself. It is not only wrong to worry, it is unbelief;
worrying means we do not believe that God can look after the practical
details of our lives, and it is never anything but those details that
worry us. Have you ever noticed what Jesus said would choke the Word He
puts in us? Is it the devil? No--”the cares of this world” (Matthew
13:22). It is always our little worries. We say, “I will not trust when
I cannot see”--and that is where unbelief begins. The only cure for
unbelief is obedience to the Spirit.
The greatest word of Jesus to His disciples is abandon.
Matthew 6:25-34 (The Message)
you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you
don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the
clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life
than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance
than the clothes you hang on your body. 26Look
at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description,
careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
27"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? 28All
this time and money wasted on fashion--do you think it makes that much
difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the
fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, 29but
have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten
best--dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers--most of
which are never even seen--don't you think he'll attend to you, take
pride in you, do his best for you? 31What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. 32People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. 33Steep
your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry
about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be
your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get
worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you
deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
I love Entourage's Ari because no matter how badly he wants something he still has integrity and is willing to be the man and protect what matters most to him (at least he did that in tonight's episode for little 'ole American Chinese Lloyd.)
Speaking of Lloyd's, my old SPI friend Lloyd found me on Yahoo personals and sent me a hello. He's the one who came up with the name of my old film festival since we worked at Sony together. I haven't officially joined yahoo personals yet so can't respond. If you're reading this Lloyd - thanks for tracking me down! Nice to see you and hope to hear from you soon!
I have some really good guy buds in my life (and one that is pissing me off right now because he won't do what he said he would, but we won't go there - at least not tonight. Let's dwell on the good ones and I'm starting to realize I have quite a few good ones. Thanks David!)
I was pleasantly surprised to hear another guy bud tell me he loved me tonight (in a brotherly kind of way) and not to let the docs cut open my head. I really don't think my brain scan will lead to that, but it was just so nice to know that someone cares about me. Thanks Chris. That was very thoughtful and loving of you to say.
I have had a very mixed emotion day. Started out fine, despite a small headache. Then dashed off (late again - oy!) to church to catch the sermon which ironically enough was on death today. Genesis 5 (the lineage of Noah I believe. I was really hurting then so opted to cut out during the scripture reading to pop a painkiller - look it up on Bible.com if you're curious.)
Anyway, the main point that Pastor John was trying to make is that eventually we're all going to die. It's how we live our lives until then that matter and that having God in our lives helps (I'm horribly paraphrasing, but forgive me, it's been a long day.) What was comforting to me was the reading of Matt. 5:4 - Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Today was Perry, my friend Alexandra's best friend's memorial, held at the Renaissance Faire. That's where she met him and where he spent many, many years helping put it on and having fun with all the people there -- it was a natural choice.
I'd never been, but like to support friends and chose to go even though it meant going alone since my friend who had said she'd go had to work after all. Irwindale is actually only an hour away and it's very pretty out there.
I had no idea what to expect because I always thought it was just a bunch of people who loved medieval times dressing up and getting drunk together. I didn't realize that regular people would attend this like an event. I liken it to the civil war re-enactments in the South - we're on the west coast so this is our version of an adult fantasy land. Wouldn't you agree?
When I got there I received a call from my friend John F. who is producing the Los Feliz Street Fair and when he heard I was there he decided to join me since he thought there might be vendors there who would be interested in his fair and it sounded like a fun way to spend a Sunday. Run on sentence - shoot me now!
I told him it was a memorial for Perry too, but assured him he wouldn't have to attend since he didn't know anyone, but it was good for him to meet Alexandra since she might have some tech pr work for him. That's his specialty - check out his site on my PR Friends link.
We have collaborated on many, many projects over the years and he's very tech savvy too. We always talk shop about stuff and I'm glad he's my friend. We worked on the Tsunami charity benefit in Beverly Hills as our last big project together.
Back to the fair. I've never, ever, ever, ever seen so much boobage in my life! If you're a boob man, you'd be in 7th heaven. It really made me realize that I will never, ever, ever showcase my breasts like that ever and it made me feel good to realize that once and for all. Sorry to those who wished otherwise, but I'm just not that kind of girl. At least in public. (That was the 2 cosmos speaking the other night. :)
One lady was kind of gross about it because it seemed like her boobs were going to fall out they were so huge and falling out of her top, but she assured me that her double I's (yes, that's E, F, G, H, IIIIII!) were still so large, that only a portion were showing and the corset was actually helping her keep her balance. OY VEY! I had to laugh when she told me that with one of the guys sitting near me. He couldn't get over it either.
Needless to say, I called one of my friend's and told him he had to come down there because this event was so him. It's so not me, but it's so him. I am leading this young man down the path of sin and degradation - forgive me God. :)
Okay, enough of the boobage. Everyone was dressed in costume - some even came as pirates, ninja people, cave people, and one was channeling Madonna with big silver cones with nipples - I'm sorry, I regress, but give me a break you might have been a little shocked too if you'd been there. But then again, maybe not. I don't know you!:)
What I found most interesting is that you dress in costume according to being peasants, middle class and upper class. People actually chose peasant costumes - what does that say about their self esteem? Just had to ask - I mean really. If you're given the option of choosing where you're born, wouldn't you choose to be well-off? I would. There were all kinds of people there - old, young, black, white, hispanic, you name it... Very eclectic which surprised me also. Cool don't you think?
Anyway, it was a huge fairground with lots and lots of interesting booths with jewelry, costumes, food (entire turkey legs were quite the hit as were chocolate dipped cheesecake on a stick), fun stages - my favorite was the Bold and Stupid men stage.
As I watched, a bunch of men were told what to do by two men dressed in full costume in order to win the hand of a fair maiden in the audience. Stand up straight, stick out your chest, raise your arms to show off your muscles, swagger, bow and then raise up your "sword" with a flare. To see normal dressed men being told what to do and actually doing it by two very bawdy leaders dressed in hose and funny diaper like pants was quite funny.
It was a very entertaining day. We watched a jousting match between England, France, Italy and another country I couldn't hear. The four men were on horseback and did tricks before the "Queen." She is an actress and has played this role for 10 years. That's the thing about this event. For some people, it's a way of life and like a family. Quite interesting.
As we walked to the jousting arena, Alexandra sprinkled Perry's ashes along the way. Don't tell, but he's now strewn all across the fairgrounds. He would have wanted it that way. We all met at 5pm for the memorial service which Alexandra lead. She's doing very well and only breaks down occasionally now. Thanks for praying if you did. This was a big day for her filled with lots of memories.
I don't know why, since I'd only met Perry two times very briefly, but I was crying for him by the end of her speech. It wasn't even a sad speech, but just to know he was gone and how much he meant to so many was very sad to me.
This has been my first funeral since my grandparents died back in high school. Others got up to speak and they were crying too, even men, which only made me cry more. I always cry when other people cry because I empathize so much.
John F. was still out enjoying the fair and when he called me to connect I told him I couldn't stay any longer because I was so sad and was going to head home now that the memorial was over. I haven't cried in a long time and I think I was grieving a lot of things at once. I don't know what or why, but I've been sad most of the weekend. It was a very sad evening.
I hit one of my 12-step meetings just to allow myself to feel these feelings with other people around. What was so ironic was that one of my friends shared the book he was reading for his psychology class and it was on living and dying. Today has just been a day of death. I couldn't escape it.
However, watching Entourage was an escape. I really needed it too! That's why I say I love Ari. Despite everything this character is and does, there's just a goodness that supersedes his seaminess that I just love. It makes me think that all the people in Hollywood that I know who are nasty and whatever (not that many, but they're out there), really do have a side to them that is lovable and good. I may not be the one to see it, but someone does.
It also helped when the guys left for Cabo because I've been feeling the need to escape there every single day lately. I just need a mental and physical break!
Anyway, today was an interesting day in more ways than one. I'm just glad it's almost over.
Sleep well everyone. May your dreams be filled with love and good thoughts. May your death not come for a long time. I've had enough for awhile. Enough....