Pure, Unadulterated Joy

Homelessness is on the rise with women and the reason may surprise you. #Abuse #Homelessness

By Joy A. Kennelly

Over the past few months I have read numerous female biographies which were fascinating in their diversity, but each held a common thread.

Abuse - Financial, Sexual, and Physical.

Which is why when all the allegations of sexual abuse came to light in Hollywood I wasn't surprised at how prevalent it was. I will admit I've been shocked at how much it is in every industry though - media, sports, tech, entertainment, etc.

I also read Every Day Sexism a year or so ago and discovered it's not just happening in America, it's a global epidemic. 

"The Everyday Sexism project aims to take a step towards gender equality, by proving wrong those who tell women that they can’t complain because we are equal. It is a place to record stories of sexism faced on a daily basis, by ordinary women, in ordinary places.

To show that sexism exists in abundance in the UK workplace and that it is very far from being a problem we no longer need to discuss. To provoke responses so numerous and wide-ranging that the problem becomes impossible to ignore. To report the way you have been treated, even if it has not been taken seriously elsewhere. To stand up and say ‘this isn’t right’, even if it isn’t big or outrageous or shocking. Even if you’ve got used to thinking that it is ‘just the way things are’."

Leave your story here: Everyday Sexism Project

I was curious about the story of Roxy Founder, Jill Dodd, which is why I agreed to receive and review the book from the publicist. I will admit, I judged Jill initially for using sex to achieve some of her goals, even though she wrote she was in love with her billionaire playboy arms dealer benefactor. If I was honest, I had to admit to myself I stayed with one boyfriend way longer than I should have because he took care of me, even though he abused me.

“This page-turning memoir of decadence and faith will resonate with seekers everywhere." —Publishers Weekly

What struck me later, thinking back on the book was that her life was damaged because of her father's abuse and it affected her whole life. Yes, she became a famous model. Yes, she built a successful company. But at what cost?

It's a fascinating read which I highly recommend picking it up if you want to see the underbelly of the fashion world not normally written about.

I also read Stacey Dash's memoir, and read again how men, sex, and money all tied into her abusive life. It was at times shocking to read what she experienced because it was so far from my life experience. She has had to overcome so much! 

Again, another fascinating read.   

Homelessness - it's not mental illness that's the primary cause with women, but domestic violence or financial abuse, often brought on by a family member, or a relationship, or someone else. According to the LA Times (click for the full article) - Attacked, abused and often forgotten: Women now make up 1 in 3 homeless people in L.A. Count 

Recently, I met other homeless women in a shelter and almost every single one of them had stories of abuse at the hands of their parents, their significant other, or a stranger. It was hard to hear sometimes because it was so heavy. However, it also caused me to evaluate my life and realize there were commonalities even though I grew up middle class.

Domestic (family) violence doesn't respect race, income or education. It's a sickness that is currently getting the light of day it needs in order for men to realize this is an epidemic that needs addressing financially, physically and politically.

However, when you read that there's a slush fund in politics to protect men caught in sex scandals, it makes you wonder how much more it will take before this sickness will be eradicated, when the highest form of control - government - is complicit with causing and hiding it?

So, for those women who have been told by family members, and others,

"You deserved it."

"You caused it."

You don't and you didn't.

There is no excuse for a man to physically threaten a woman. 

There is no excuse for a man to financially threaten a woman's life and home security.

There is no excuse for a man to sexually threaten a woman.

Sorry, but there just isn't.

And if you think there is, you need your head examined.

Seriously.

I wish those in the South Bay who are in positions of power - ie Pastors, City Council Members, Government officials, and others would realize that domestic violence is everywhere and South Bay women need safe places other than Wilmington like the Doors of Hope Women's shelter.

"There are 180,000 homeless women in Los Angeles County.  Most of them are abused and broken after only one month of living on the streets.  Many never recover and are often forgotten by society.

Currently, there are three times as many animal shelters in Los Angeles County as there are shelters for homeless women.  Until our economy improves, our homeless population is expected to grow. The need for this type shelter is urgent." Doors of Hope

 

What I found fascinating is that one of the largest churches in the South Bay, Journey of Faith, had no on-site services or ministries for the homeless, just a referral link that is broken to other resources.

 

Is this an example of Not in My Backyard?

 

Or just not thinking of this as an issue since it's an upper-income/middle class church run by predominantly men? That's why women are needed in positions of authority - we see and know things many times men are clueless to simply by virtue of their gender. 

 

And what about Manhattan Beach City? When you click this link, it shows all the homeless shelters in surrounding cities, but none in this city: https://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/cgi-bin/id/city.cgi?city=Manhattan%20Beach&state=CA

 

Skechers is generous and supportive of homeless shelters and other charitable organizations. Perhaps others are too, but why isn't there a women's shelter in the South Bay ie Redondo Beach, Manhattan Beach, Torrance or Hermosa Beach?

 

Or do South Bay women never become homeless? Think again.

 

Men too. Obviously, but women are the sad secret statistics. 2016’s Shocking Homelessness Statistics 

"For many cities, solving homelessness is an ongoing challenge. So, what does homelessness look like in 2016? The following statistics are alarming:

1. 564,708 people in the U.S. are homeless. According to a recent report, over half a million people were living on the streets, in cars, in homeless shelters, or in subsidized transitional housing during a one-night national survey last January. Of that number, 206,286 were people in families, 358,422 were individuals, and a quarter of the entire group were children.
2. 83,170 individuals, or 15% of the homeless population, are considered “chronically homeless.” Chronic homelessness is defined as an individual who has a disability and has experienced homelessness for a year or longer, or and individual who has a disability and has experienced at least four episodes of homelessness in the last three years (must be a cumulative of 12 months). Families with at least one adult member who meets that description are also considered chronically homeless.As the National Alliance to End Homelessness explains, “While people experiencing chronic homelessness make up a small number of the overall homeless population, they are among the most vulnerable. They tend to have high rates of behavioral health problems, including severe mental illness and substance use disorders; conditions that may be exacerbated by physical illness, injury, or trauma.”

3. 47,725, or about 8% of the homeless population, are veterans. This represents a 35% decrease since 2009. Homeless veterans have served in several different conflicts from WWII to the recent wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Washington, D.C., has the highest rate of veteran homelessness in the nation (145.8 homeless veterans per 10,000). 45% of homeless veterans are black or Hispanic. While less than 10% of homeless veterans are women, that number is rising.
4. 1.4 million veterans are at risk of homelessness. This may be due to poverty, overcrowding in government housing, and lack of support networks. Research indicates that those who served in the late Vietnam and post-Vietnam era are at greatest risk of homelessness. War-related disabilities or disorders often contribute to veteran homelessness, including physical disabilities, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), traumatic brain injury, depression and anxiety, and addiction.
5. 550,000 unaccompanied, single youth and young adults under the age of 24 experience a homelessness episode of longer than one week. Approximately 380,000 of that total are under the age of 18. Accurately counting homeless children and youth is particularly difficult. The National Alliance to End Homelessness explains, “Homeless youth are less likely to spend time in the same places as homeless people who are in an older age range. They are often less willing to disclose that they’re experiencing homelessness or may not even identify as homeless. They also may work harder to try to blend in with peers who aren’t homeless.”
6. 110,000 LGBTQ youth in the U.S. are homeless. This is one of the most vulnerable homeless populations. A substantial number of young people who identify as LGBTQ say that they live in a community that is not accepting of LGBTQ people. In fact, LGBTQ youths make up 20% of runaway kids across the country. Family rejection, abuse, and neglect are major reasons LGBTQ youth end up on the streets. Additionally, homeless LGBTQ youth are substantially more likely than heterosexual homeless youth to be victims of sexual assault and abuse. LGBTQ homeless youth are twice as likely to commit suicide compared to heterosexual homeless youth.
7. Fifty percent of the homeless population is over the age of 50. These individuals often face additional health and safety risks associated with age. They are more prone to injuries from falls, and may suffer from cognitive impairment, vision or hearing loss, major depression, and chronic conditions like diabetes and arthritis.
8. 830,120 year-round beds are available in a range of housing projects. About half of those beds are dedicated to people currently experiencing homelessness. This includes
   • Emergency Shelters that provide temporary or nightly shelter beds to people experiencing homelessness.
   • Transitional Housing that provides homeless people with up to 24 months of housing and supportive services.
   • Safe Havens that provide temporary shelter and services to hard-to-serve individuals.

The other half of these beds are targeted at recently homeless populations. Rapid Rehousing provides short-term and medium-term rental assistance, housing relocation, and stabilization services to formerly homeless people experiencing homelessness. Permanent Supportive Housing provides long-term housing with supportive services for formerly homeless people with disabilities. Other Permanent Housing provides housing with or without services, but does not require people to have a disability."

 So, there ya have it. Will we change as a society? A community? A neighborhood? Or continue to accept this reality and sweep it under the rug because Not in My Backyard? 

 

I sincerely hope not. 

Good business reads and why I'm proud to call my family "Kennelly tough." #Entreprenuership #Biography #Books

By Joy A. Kennelly

It's really funny to me how different men are than women. I've been reading a lot of great books on female entrepreneurs, leaders and other change makers to have positive female role-models to look to rather than always reading about how men do things.

I really enjoyed Gail Evan's book, "Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman: What Men Know About Success that Women Need to Learn. The book was listed for several months on the New York Times,BusinessWeek, and Wall Street Journal bestseller lists." (Stole this from her bio.:) 

Men are really, really competitive! I just saw this in action on a Facebook post I casually posted regarding the woman in Kentucky with the marriage license debacle. Now I haven't formed an opinion either way, because to be honest, I have too much on my plate as it is.

However, I guess all the guys who were going back and forth on this topic sure cared about it. A Lot!:) I've never seen straight men argue so fervently on something that is really minor if you consider everything else going on in the world today, but for some reason this issue of religion caused something close to flame war! Or maybe it was because Ted Cruz said it? LOL (And for the record, no, not voting for him.:)

I haven't been online much due to personal health issues and working on other stuff, but man, these guys went at it! They totally exemplified exactly what Gail writes about in her book, among other topics.

The reason I liked her book so much is because she succinctly, eloquently and in story form, shows through examples in her own life and career at CNN, the White House and other prestigious jobs she's held, how so very different men are than women! And how to deal with them and master these same techniques.

Now I get it!

I'm happy to be having a guy join my team who I think will be a great addition just by virtue of the male chromosome and will be announcing his involvement down the road. I've decided it's time for stealth mode, at least for the moment. As a publicist, I'm always sharing, but now, feel it's time to dive deep and stay low until I have what I want to offer fully actualized.

The other thing I've come to realize as I wrestle with my health issues is that my Dad raised my sisters and I to be extremely entrepreneurial and never give up. I'm very proud of both of my sisters and thought you might enjoy learning about us because I feel like sharing something personal which I don't always.

My youngest sister has been married forever, has three girls, dogs, cats and all now live in CO with her wonderful husband because that's where he was raised. They have bought, with my Dad's help, numerous real estate properties in cool places and renovated each and every single one. Glori and Dad often work together while Dwayne is working full-time in his demanding jobs and she knows everything there is to know about houses.

She's the boy my Dad always wanted.:) 

My parents idea of fun is watching those HGTV shows where homes are bought, renovated, then sold. I'm starting to get into them, but since it's what they've done, they watch knowingly whereas I'm learning. I helped renovate my Dad's rentals growing up and can paint and do basic stuff, but Glori is a master at everything. Very proud of her accomplishments in that realm. Her husband too.

She and her husband are now opening a new business where they're taking the skills and experience she's gained running their own real estate to offer to other investors and property owners in Breckenridge, Blue River and Placer Valley the security and safety of knowing their rental and personal properties are in good hands. They're pretty jazzed and have created an awesome website you can review here: http://www.alpinehomewatch.net/ 

(I helped her edit and gave her advice on working with her web guy. I still want her to create an app, but she doesn't understand that technology aspect yet. I'm sure it will come though, knowing her like I do.)

I do have to admit, sometimes I get a wee bit jealous because having a husband support your business while you're launching is a big deal. It's almost like having an angel investor because costs that single female entrepreneurs have to cover like basic living costs, are taken care of by a husband's full-time salary. I see a lot more mommy entrepreneurs find success simply by virtue of that financial fact which they seem to take for granted because they have other struggles I don't deal with, like kids, schools etc.

However, such is life. Now that I have someone who wants to help me who is as passionate about what I've been doing and understands what we need to do, perhaps everything will move along a lot faster now. At least that's my prayer.:)

Now, my other sister is just as entrepreneurial believe it or not. Both sisters have successfully moved out-of-state to develop new lives and opportunities. I think partly, because they have family members there with them. Grace is a single mom to my delightful college graduate niece and recently broke both her feet; yet still managed to drive for Lyft and was making a successful living doing that in Austin, until she now has an even better job more suited to her talents of arranging travel for a Fox production.

I'm proud of her too. Despite being injured, she's worked hard to overcome this and find work that makes her happy while serving others.

That's another thing we all have in common, we like to serve. My Dad was a great role-model and still is in that regard. Mom has always played a more low-key role serving my Dad and the family.

As I was listening to my sister's speak to my Dad on the phone recently, I realized we're a pretty tough bunch. We don't let obstacles like horrible tenants, broken bones, or damaged immune systems keep  us down for long. We see what needs to be done, we do it and then achieve other goals. I don't see that resolve in my neices, or some other women I meet, and have to say it must have come from being raised by my Dad. And Mom (who has different skills and talents.)

Here's an example from my past since I've been sharing about my sisters so much.

One Sunday, while still in high school, I was asked to walk the dog before church. We didn't have a fence around our large backyard yet and he needed out before we left. 

I donned some high heels that we played dress up in, grabbed the leash and the dog and began walking him around to do his business. Well, he saw a cat and began tearing off after it. Now, I'm still in heels remember, walking in grass, through trees and bushes in an unpaved backyard. 

I clung on for dear life and as he tore off, my grasp on the tree I was holding on to with one hand while holding his leash in the other, loosened and I had to let go while being dragged straight into a tree limb sticking out which rammed straight into my throat below my chin. 

I let go of his leash and ran bleeding back into the house crying. I only remember going to Dr. Starr's, our family doctor, that day, or somewhere else and getting lots of stitches before going to church later. At least that's how I like to remember it.:) However, if you don't believe me, ask me to show you the scar some day. It's still there. I recovered fine, but never did wear heels to walk him again! LOL

I like to say we're Kennelly tough.:)

I've also been reading Janet Hanson's book, More Than 85 Broads: Women Making Career Choices, Taking Risks, and Defining Success - On Their Own Terms who started what is now called the Elevate Network and also Milestone Capital. Very inspirational stories of women overcoming amazing odds in the financial industry and ultimately out of it too - sexism, ageism, breast cancer, and other physical ailments to achieve great things. Very inspirational!

All this to say, I've needed their stories to help me through a very tough time physically.  I won't bore you with the details, but just know I'm damned and determined to live a fully functional, happy life regardless. Just need to find the right medications and help to take care of myself.

Oh, and if you're curious, yes, I have read Sheryl Sandberg's book a few years back, Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead and loved it too.:)

So, that's all. I need to stop now. It's been fun sharing and I hope you've enjoyed this little dive into my family background. I love them all very much in spite of everything and can't imagine doing life without them. Although we're very different, we're also very similar and I'm choosing to focus on that.:)

God bless.

Wooden: A Coach's Life coming to a bookstore near you! Can't wait! #Books #Inspiration #Sports

Just received this announcement and wanted to share it with you because Coach Wooden is one of my favorite sports coaches. I'm not into sports at all so this is really saying something. His wisdom translates across all industries and his life was an inspiration to so many, myself included. He was one of the Golden lights in the Golden era of California transcending sports.

Writing a couple other blogs, but in the meantime, enjoy this new book announcement:

On the 50^th anniversary of John Wooden's first NCAA Championship at UCLA in 1963-1964, Sports Illustrated senior writer and CBS analyst Seth Davis presents the unflinching and definitive biography of one of the giants of the game in WOODEN: A Coach's Life (Times Books, January 14, 2014). 

"WOODEN" captures the life, legacy and essence of the sports icon. Davis's research is exhaustive and exemplary and his prose is artful and entertaining, as he offers perspective on this quintessentially American tale.

The "Wooden mystique" was built on his sweat-soaked gymnasium floors, his awe-inspiring fast break, his harnessing the talents of legendary players like Lew Alcindor, Gail Goodrich, Walt Hazzard and Bill Walton, and his unmatched record in the NCAA tournament.

Davis celebrates the mystique and how it was built, but digs further. He takes full measure of the man who was often considered an enigma in his playing and coaching days before he was elevated to "St. John."  John Wooden was a disciplined and hard-nosed man, who dealt with the issues that all coaches of that era dealt with (race relations, political protests, mercurial athletes, overeager boosters and the heavy weight of expectations), and others that don't quite mesh with the lasting memories we have of "The Wizard of Westwood."

In order to take full measure of the man, we must know the full story, warts and all. In "WOODEN", Seth Davis grants us a clear-eyed look at a gifted player, a brilliant coach, and a master teacher, and helps us appreciate John Wooden for what he was. Not a god, or a saint, or a wizard-but a man.

In anticipation of the release, Davis has launched an informative website for WOODEN: A Coach's Life (released by Times Books, January 14, 2014). The site includes a book trailer narrated by CBS Sportscaster Jim Nantz, preparing the reader for one of the greatest sports reads of the New Year as we kick of a new NCAA season. 

"This is a superb biography, worthy of its subject. With deep research, clear writing, and objective thinking,  Seth Davis has cut through the mythology to present John Wooden and his UCLA dynasty in a fresh and compulsively readable way." 

- David Maraniss, author of When Pride Still Mattered: A Life of Vince Lombardi

    

About the Author

Seth Davis is the author of the New York Times bestseller When March Went Mad: The Game That Transformed Basketball and the memoir Equinunk, Tell Your Story: My Return to Summer Camp. He is a senior writer at Sports Illustrated as well as a college basketball studio analyst for CBS Sports and CBS Sports Network. A graduate of Duke University, he lives with his family in Los Angeles.

Follow Seth Davis on Twitter

@SethDavisHoops

 

Thoughts on the CT Massacre, @QTarantino_news & DJango, @FamilyGuyonFOX, Grand Theft Auto III and the growing #violence in society. Be the change!

By Joy A. Kennelly

Sometimes I feel like a modern day philosopher because I feel things so deeply in my spirit I am compelled to share a side of an issue that isn't normally covered in the media or discussed in normal life until a tragedy occurs like the massacre at the school in CT.

I always wonder if I'm the only one to feel this way, but also don't care because there comes a point when I can't do anything else, but share.

It affects me that deeply.

And when I do, then I find many others do feel the same way as I do. They were just waiting for someone else to speak out first.

Even though I am not raising my son and technically am not a mother in the tradional sense of the word, only a "birth mother" as those of us in the adoption world are called who have placed our children with other parents to raise, I still feel deeply about protecting children from ills in society.

I only wish more people in power did too.

Pornography, alcoholism, drug abuse, the way women are portrayed in the media have all been topics I've covered here in my blog in the past and now, with the horrific shooting in CT, I feel compelled to address the growing glorification of violence in society, especially as Quentin Tarantino prepares to launch his latest killing spree film, Django, wherein Jamie Foxx, whom I normally love and will watch in anything he does, went on SNL to brag about killing white people. 

Yes, maybe Jamie was trying to be satirical, but at a certain point, that commentary ceases to be funny. It crossed a line.

He needs to apologize and SNL too. 

And now, even more so when innocent children are gunned down so horrifically after what happened in CT.

When will this glorification and mockery of the sanctity of life end in Hollywood? Why is there such a disconnect on cause and effect?

I posted a bunch of articles, books, and images yesterday on Facebook to process what has happened which helped me and many others. After sleeping on it, I feel a broader audience needs to hear this too which is why I'm sharing it here.

I know many people in Hollywood and in politics are going to be clamoring for more gun control now as they always do after something like this happens, but I hope you will read what else could be causing our society to implode upon itself with an open mind because many, many, many researchers concur that violence in TV, Film and video games is causing people to become more violent.

Aw, it's just a movie. A video game. A TV show. A music lyric.

How can Family Guy, American Family, Django, Inglorious Bastards, Grand Theft Auto III, or Postal 2 or any number of violent media or even violent music videos have this much affect on society you ask?

Thanks for asking. Well, let me tell you.

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, "While the causes of youth violence are multifactorial and include such variables as poverty, family psychopathology, child abuse, exposure to domestic and community violence, substance abuse and other psychiatric disorders, the research literature is quite compelling that children's exposure to media violence plays an important role in the etiology of violent behavior."

You can read more in this quick 1 pager overview: The Impact of Media Violence on Children and Adolescents: Opportunities for Clinical Interventions

And who can forget this tragedy and what the killer had to say: "(CNN) -- Norway's alleged mass killer testified on Thursday that he played video games as a way to train for a shooting spree that killed 77 people last summer. In particular, Anders Behring Breivik said at his trial that he played "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2" as a means of shooting practice, according to CNN's report."

 

Read more here: Norway mass-shooting trial reopens debate on violent video games

If you're interested in more information on the cause and effect of violence in the media, review Myths and Facts About Youth and Violent Media for an intensive, comprehensive review of this issue. 

Not to harp on my sister's friend, Quientin, but did you read the review of the premiere of Django in the New York Times? It's especially chilling in light of what just happened: 

"Ms. Thurman, of course, has done numerous movies for Mr. Tarantino including 'Pulp Fiction' and 'Kill Bill.' She can’t give an exact tally of how many people she’s killed on-screen for him. 'At least 88,' she said.

Nearly everyone in the house professed to love his latest offering. 'It was three hours of Tarantino perfection,' Cameron Diaz said, though she admitted to having some trouble watching some of the bloodier scenes. 

'It was awesome' Patti Smith said. 'The guy kills 100 people and doesn’t even get wounded. I want to go see it again at midnight with a theater packed full of crazy kids screaming.'

Read more here: This Tarantino Premiere Killed

Notice how Patti Smith said "crazy kids?" Who do you think is being influenced by this film?

Yes, kids.

And this is why I feel it needs to stop. Hollywood has to stop glorifying murdering people. Did you ever stop to think about how Quentin Tarantino learned to make films? By watching videos non-stop in his video selling job in Manhattan Beach.

See the correlation? Or is it too obtuse for you?

I have nothing against the guy. I admire what he's accomplished and how he directs. However, I wonder if any Hollywood filmmaker who is making bucco bucks off this violent trend is even considering donating money to support the victims they help cause indirectly. I wonder how many even have a conscience when they see this happening more and more in our society? Are they that blinded to their influence? 

And even the Oscars will be glorifying the Family Guy creator who is one of the worst racist, offensive offenders on TV. WHEN WILL THIS STOP? CHOOSE SOMEONE ELSE TO "ENTERTAIN" OUR CULTURE DURING THE OSCARS.

I am tired of the glorification of violence in society. I'm tired of the killing of innocent adults and children in real life.

I'm tired...

Aren't you?

If so, please consider reading this book, Stop Teaching Our Kids to Kill : A Call to Action Against TV, Movie and Video Game Violence which looks at the role the entertainment industry plays in socializing/training children for violent behavior.

Author, Lt. Col Dave Grossman is an expert in the field of "killology" and in his first book, On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society also looked at the techniques the military uses to train soldiers to kill which offers compelling evidence THAT THE MEDIA EMPLOYS THE SAME TECHNIQUES, RESULTING IN DE-SENSITIZED KIDS.

This isn't just about males though, it's affecting girls too which is why I was happy to share what my friend, Doreen Hanna is doing with her Becoming a Modern Day Princess program to mentor young women into living lives of value, purpose and strength. 

We either address the core issues affecting our society and look at what we're doing to perpetrate this violence upon our innocent generation, or accept the consequences. We can't have it both ways. Guns, in and of themselves, aren't the issue.

It's evil people and their drugged out state too.

So, are we going to allow our American culture to become what it is over in Israel? Will we soon see teachers carrying guns to the classroom to protect themselves like this?

 

I hope not. This tragedy in CT didn't have to happen. My heart and prayers go out to the victims and their families.

 

It breaks my heart.

 

I cried yesterday over the loss of innocent lives which didn't have to happen. We don't live in a war torn country, yet it's beginning to feel like it.

 

But then I remember people like Mr. Rogers and his wise sayings:

You can become one of the helpers too. 

"Sympathy cards and/or letters of support and solidarity can be sent directly to the school:

Sandy Hook Elementary School
12 Dickenson Drive
Sandy Hook, CT 06482"

I'm sure they would appreciate this.

But also, seriously consider what impact the media is having on your child, on your view of violence and what is within your power to change how our society looks at this issue. 

Will you Hollywood professionals continue to create films, TV and video games that glorify violence?

Will you pharmaceutical drug companies, continue to push drugs on society that influence this behavior?

Will you gun sellers, continue to sell guns without considering the consequences?

Where does it end?  When everyone is murdered and we live in a lawless society?

I find it ironic that the more we remove the good news of Christmas and Jesus coming to save us from our sins, the more we see this violence become prevalent.

There is a cause and effect from removing moral values from our society.

You can't have it both ways.

You either see sin and evil and do something about it, or you allow it to take over. I prefer to see evil and attempt to stop it. 

But that's just me. Or is it? Will you join me?

I was happy to see someone in Hollywood saw the need to make a change and switched out Family Guy episodes in light of what has happened: 

Fox Nixes Sunday's Original Episodes of 'Family Guy' and 'American Dad' 

So, in closing, wanted to share this beautiful image someone posted to encourage those who have lost loved ones yesterday or any time. 

And as President Obama shared so thoughtfully with this verse yesterday, Psalm 147:3, He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.

And here's another verse I love:

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

God bless you. Think on these things. Will you do something to make a difference?

If so, I hope you do. 

We are one nation, one community, one legacy.

Let's leave a loving one for our world and children.

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” 
― Mother Teresa

 

My Interview with Hollywood Talent Manager/"Queen of Hosting" Coach, Marki Costello

By Joy A. Kennelly

I grew up watching the Abbott and Costello comedy team and loved their brilliant sense of comedic timing. As a result, when I learned Hollywood Talent Manager and "Queen of Hosting" Coach, Marki Costello, was the granddaughter of Lou Costello after reading a review of her new book in the New York Post, I knew I wanted to talk to her.

Plus, her 20 year successful career in the business was so impressive I knew I would learn from her because I always love hearing strong women's experiences of making it in Hollywood.

For those unfamiliar, or too young to remember Abbott and Costello, here's a famous sketch they did entitled, "Who's on First?" to share why they were so popular back in the day. Although, maybe they were so popular because they were also the first ones to start the "wrap" party at the end of a film production according to their fan website: http://www.abbottandcostello.net/:)

 

Marki has distilled 20 years of Hollywood experience into her new book, Become A Host: The Inside Secrets Used by Every Successful Television Host, and if you click the link here, you can read the New York Post review as she covers all the celebrities you see listed in the pic here and more. Very interesting perspective and right on the money.

I had planned to attend Marki's "Sweet and Greet" book signing where she was donating the proceeds from the sale of the book launch party to her favorite charity, Alexandria House, to interview her there, but covering Fashion's Night Out that same night was too all-consuming and we just couldn't fit it in.

Here's a pic though of Marki in action that night. It was a huge success and a friend who attended said he had a great time. They're still tallying the amount raised from the book sales as they're waiting on online sales, but I'm sure if what he estimated as crowd attendance is correct, it will be a healthy amount!

It was a pleasure to have a one-on-one phone interview with her a few days later when everything had calmed down and I knew I would be able to focus.

Have to admit, when I first spoke to her I called her a "Ballsy Broad" because I had been watching quite a few of her previous video interviews to see what had, and hadn't been, covered already.

She is definitely a force to be reckoned with! A producer friend of mine agreed with me when I mentioned I was going to interview her, saying she is a "presence." 

I believe it now!

What I love about Old School Hollywood people who have grown up around movie stars and Hollywood like she has, is the fact nothing and nobody fazes them. When you have a step-father like Craig Martin, the older brother of Dean Martin, and have Hollywood royalty in your lineage, it's just natural to feel comfortable in any setting with anybody. 

That's why I think she's so successful in her Become A Host trainings, her management and casting career as well. Nothing fazes her! She just goes out and gets the job done! Did you know she casts 30% of every hosting job in Hollywood? May want to take her class and get noticed!:)

I was very curious about what it was like to be raised in the world of Hollywood and asked her about being related to Lou Costello to start off my interview. She explained, "It didn’t affect me in the way kids are self-entitled now, I learned hard work pays off. Work your ass off. Everything is fleeting. I’ve created a huge niche for myself – I manage, cast, and teach host talent in the hosting genre. I reinvent myself every four years."  

Before her Mother died, she told her to go to college and Marki briefly attended UCLA. However, once her mom passed away, she knew her Dad wasn’t supporting her and she needed to work. "My very first job was working for Chuck Barris. One season was 365 days a year from 9am – 9pm. I worked on all his shows, The Newlywed Game, The Gong Show, and The Dating Game."

When I asked her if she agreed he was a spy, she agreed, without hesitation, very quickly "Yes!" For those of you have never seen Charlie Kaufman's film on Chuck Barris called, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, which was directed by George Clooney, you really must rent it. Actor Sam Rockwell is brilliant and funny as Barris. 

Marki continued on with her experiences with Chuck and how she got into the business of hosting. "He created reality shows. He was wonderful at making sure people on the show knew how important they were. I started out doing cue cards, but always would be talking to the audience."

Chuck told an associate, "She’s terrible with cue cards, but great with the contestants." After that, Marki was the last person contestants would meet before going on the show and never did cue cards again. She's always been great with people. 

After working for Chuck, she opened up own casting company, Creative Management Entertainment Group and never looked back. A friend had approached her about managing her career and soon she was managing talent too. "I realized I had a gift for coaching people," she said. She knew what the networks wanted, she knew how to teach people to do it, and after starting out with 20 actors and 1 host, she now represents 1 writer and 30 hosts!

When she started in the business of hosting, only one or two people were trying to do hosting. "People have tried to copy me," Marki freely admitted. "I realized how flattering it is, but it’s taken me 20 years to get here." Needless to say, no one else has had the longevity, the credibility, or the success Marki has had.

Just ask E! News Host, Jason Kennedy, The Voice/Musician, Ceelo Green, or Game Show Host, Todd Newton who won an Emmy last year who have all gone through her program, and/or are managed by her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marki realized she needed to speak the language of actors and studied with the famous acting coach, Sandy Meisner, who told her, "Marki, you should be in front of the camera."

Perhaps you remember seeing Marki as the take-no-prisoner casting agent on a reality show which is where I first saw her, or her appearance on the Real Housewives of Orange County where she coaches Gretchen Rossi?

I'm telling you, if she can make Gretchen seem less wooden, then you know she's a miracle working coach.:) Remember this scene from the Real Housewives of Orange County?

 

I like Gretchen, don't get me wrong, but damn! If she can make it, so can you! See what the power of a good coach can do? (As a little aside, I attended a Super Bowl party years ago in the OC and Gretchen was there with Slade. Both very sweet, low-key people.:)

Where was I? Oh yeah, Marki and keys to successful hosting...:)

I was very curious to hear what she thought made a host successful and here's what Marki told me in her no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is manner:

"Hosting is a very visual medium. You need to be visually appealing in this medium. You can’t be 700 lbs, with pimples. You have to clean up your look. Otherwise get into radio. "It" factor is what makes you want to watch that person. You want to hear what Chelsea Handler and Howard Stern have to say. He is very aware of his audience. Oprah Winfrey also puts her audience first. When I watched her Behind the Show episode, it was all about 'my audience, my audience.' It’s not about Oprah, it’s about her audience. Her final show was a love letter to her audience."

On the flip side, she gave this little story on Piers Morgan which totally explained why I dislike his interview style so much and now know why.

"If you don’t put the audience first – what they want, what they need, and balance it by your point-of-view, you're not going to be a good host. Piers Morgan is so worried about himself – kissing the celebs butt, when he was interviewing Beyonce, she wanted to tell him about the pregnancy and he didn’t even pick up on what she was alluding to. I was so pissed I changed the channel."

I was very curious to follow up on her impression of Khloe Kardashian as a new host and Marki told me. "I would hope Khloe comes to me. Talent thinks hosting is so easy – I can just be me. Hosting is the great balancing act. You need a strong sense of self, must be super comfortable with yourself, and understand you’re not going to make everyone happy so let it go. You have to recognize the elements."

I wasn't familiar with that term and asked her what elements she was referring to. She responded, basically it's the need to co-exist with the co-host, connect to your audience, read the teleprompter, and still have a relationship with your audience. "Intellectually, it's easy to grasp, but you don’t want to practice on the show," Marki continued as she explained her view of Khloe hosting. "The single most important thing is putting her audience first."

I also asked Marki what she thought about ageism in Hollywood and if older people have a shot at hosting at all:

"Every advertisers want the average demo 18-34. They want to hire talent their audience relates to, but in this day and age it's more open. For example, there's now a host for a show called, Sex after 60. You have to build your brand, tweet daily, blog, and buyers will find you and come to you. Very cool thing about the internet is you can showcase your talent."

And as she's fond of saying, "If you build it, they will come, and when they do, you better know what to do. You only get one shot for a first impression."

I was very surprised to hear the internet was a place where networks are finding talent and inquired more into that because of all the videographers I've seen over the years on red carpets who I never thought had a chance at doing anything beyond their little internet shows.

"Tons of people are breaking from the internet. The Networks tell me all the time, 'Find me people from the internet.' Here’s what I say. I don’t think you need  a lick of talent to be a great host, but you definitely do as an actor. It’s hosting. You have to have a strong sense of self, strong point of view, get the media’s attention, put your audience before your ego and BS. That’s 100% trainable."

She added, "You have to have a strong work ethic. Work on building your brand. There are hosts on the air today making a million a year. Check your ego at the door. Hosting is about asking me to be me, but also why do people want to hear what I have to say?"

Great advice, wouldn't you agree? She has been leading "Hosting Boot Camps" for over 17 years and actually has a free seminar open to those who have never attended before happening on September 28, 2012 in Los Angeles, CA.

Click here for all  the details: http://www.becomeahost.com/class/free-workshop-break-hosting

Here's what one professional has to say about Marki and her classes: "Marki Costello is one of the most revered leaders in the world of television hosting and casting. 

Her off-kilter sense of humor, her dedication to her clients and her widespread relationships throughout the entertainment industry are just a few of the qualities that make her so wonderfully unique and special..." 

-Lisa Germani, TVGuide Network

Marki definitely knows what she's talking about. Everywhere I looked, all I saw were positive comments and that's impressive. You can find out more about all her programs here: http://www.becomeahost.com/

When I asked her why she had written her book, which you can purchase here: Become a Host: The Inside Secrets Used by Every Successful Television Host, she explained by saying, "I was having people fly in from NZ, NY, everywhere and not everyone can travel. I wrote the book for them." She told me her book has sold 10,000 copies in three months which is unbelievable numbers for a first-time author.

Just goes to show you, build a brand and those who like it, will buy it!:) Part of her brand is giving back. Here's what she had to say about why she donated the proceeds of her book sales from her Sweet and Greet book launch.

"I am very passionate about giving back. If you don’t give back, you shouldn’t be living," Marki said assertively. "Say thank you, care about the answer to the question, 'how are you?' Help a homeless person. Think of all the women in the world who don’t have something. Give back. It takes very little to be kind to another human being."

And with that admonition, I will close out my interview. Big thank you to Marki for her time and hope you enjoyed the read!

I have so many more events to share and hope to have these stories ready soon too! 

Announcing our @SXSWedu Creative Leadership - What it is and Why it Works panel w/@MichaelSB, @RichRedmond and The Joy Writer - VOTE!

By Joy A. Kennelly

I've been working behind-the-scenes with two of my favorite music experts, Michael Brandvold of Michael Brandvold Marketing, and Drummer, Rich Redmond of the award-winning Jason Aldean Band, to create an informative, interesting panel for the educational component of SXSW called SXSWEdu.

Here's the official blurb: "SXSWedu supports innovations in learning for education practitioners, industry leaders and policy makers who share a passion for modernizing learning from early childhood to higher education in both formal and informal environments. Join the SXSWedu community March 4-7 in Austin, Tx, for four days of compelling presentations and events."

After researching business books and trying to find leadership topics related to the creative fields, I created this panel because of the lack of information available. I felt my colleagues and I could add value to colleges, policy makers and institutions seeking diversity in business learning and leadership because entrepreneurship crosses all disciplines. 

Please vote for our panel here: < 

Our audience: Educators in Business, Music, and Liberal Arts, university professionals looking for unique speakers to come talk to their students, industry leaders, entrepreneurs and anyone interested in learning from experts in music marketing, promotion, branding, social media and creative leadership.

Focusing on music due to SXSW's overall emphasis on music, and my working on a book for musicians, I invited two of my book contributors, Michael and Rich, to participate because I liked the mix of rock-n-roll and country perspectives.

Here's our bios in case you're not familiar with our names and background:

Michael Brandvold is a freelance music industry consultant based in Northern California. He launched Michael Brandvold Marketing to leverage his years of experience to provide direction to large and small clients in the areas of online & social marketing, as well as, e-commerce and customer acquisition and retention.

Gene Simmons of KISS first tapped Michael’s skills as a pioneering online marketing strategist to launch and manage all aspects of Kissonline.com’s multi-million dollar enterprise, including their ground-breaking VIP ticket program.

Michael has also managed the online efforts for Dream Theater, Andy Gibson, Greg Kihn, Motley Crüe, Rod Stewart, Madonna,Ozzy Osbourne, Madonna and Britney Spears to name only a few.

Rich Redmond has toured/recorded/performed with  a 'who's who' of recording artists including Jason Aldean, Miranda Lambert, Lit, Ludacris, Luke Bryan, Eric Church, Keith Urban, Bryan Adams, Jewel, The Pointer Sisters, Rushlow, Pam Tillis, Gene Watson, Doc Walker, Deana Carter, Jedd Hughes, Trace Adkins, Hank Williams III, Mindy McCready, Robbie Nevil, The Stellas, and Doc Walker to name a few.

Currently the drumming powerhouse behind country superstar Jason Aldean, Rich plays to millions of fans per year and has appeared numerous times on such shows as American Idol, Ellen, The Late Show with David Letterman, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, The Late Show with Jimmie Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel Live, among others.

Rich recorded all the drums and percussion on Jason’s 5 records, selling millions of units and producing 11 #1 hits. Rich’s ‘song-friendly’ drumming style, infused with a true rock-n-roll spirit has led to these records being regarded as a unique voice in Nashville’s musical landscape.

Joy A. Kennelly is an Award-Winning Social Media Strategist, Producer, Personal Publicist and Founder of The Joy Writer. Using her expertise in social media on such platforms as Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Hootsuite, etc., she has successfully integrated and incorporated over one hundred additional regional online social networking sites into publicity for numerous clients.

Her marketing efforts have also successfully enhanced search engine optimization (SEO), increased attendance at events and developed business and media opportunities on behalf of clients in entertainment, travel, technology, and fashion, as well as, in promoting and supporting numerous political candidates and social causes. 

Joy has presented classes and produced seminars on social media at The Musicians Institute, American Cinematheque, and at conferences throughout the US.

Now that you know who we are, please vote to help us be selected:  < 

All the details are available once you click, but here they are again too:

Expert music industry professionals, Michael Brandvold of Michael Brandvold Marketing, and Rich Redmond, Drummer in the Award-Winning Jason Aldean Band, discuss strategy, creative leadership, branding, online marketing and secrets to success with moderator/ participant, Joy Kennelly of The Joy Writer.

With personal examples from their successful careers running creative businesses in the music industry, each panelist will share what being an entrepreneur has taught them and how they would pass that information on to future generations; how they learned how to lead a team of creatives; and how musicians use their creative leadership in bands. They will also discuss how they developed the out-of-the-box strategies that guide their careers and those they work with, and what they do to teach others those same skills.

Questions it will answer

How do creative people lead? What makes them successful? How do they appeal to a creative audience? What sets their style apart from traditional leadership styles? What do they do differently in branding, marketing and social media than other business professionals? 

Doesn't this sound cool?:) Wouldn't you want to learn what we will present? It's cool to see one of my goals moving forward which I hope you will support by voting.

Please vote here to help us be selected:  <

Thank you! Marki Costello interview and everything else coming up next!:) 

Christian living according to M. Scott Peck and me, an imperfect Christian

By Joy A. Kennelly

Man, I must really be in an introspective, sharing mood because I feel like writing about something personal again because it's on my heart.

My friend and I often joke there's a real epidemic of the "Christian Ghetto" which is very prevalent in Christian circles. I'm all for "fellowship" (Christianese for hanging out together either at church, Bible Study, fun activities, or whatever) and enjoy it on occasion myself as it's Biblical. We're encouraged to spend time together to build each other up.

But when that's the only people you spend time with, I can't do it.

Did it growing up, and now...

I grew up with a strict Christian father who believed in us attending church 5x a week - three times on Sunday, Bible Study on Wednesday and a social activity with Christian church friends on Friday. Christian Missionary Alliance and Baptist background too, so you fully grasp the religious foundation my life was built upon through my early years.

I see right and wrong very clearly as a result. Life was black and white and being grey is still something I seek to achieve. As a result of my upbringing, when I left for a year of Bible school I admit, I felt guilty at first when I skipped Sunday evening services, but also free of the religiosity of it once and for all.

Ironically, it was also in Bible school where I had my first drink of wine, and witnessed my first affair. I was so sheltered growing up I felt completely inequipped for the real world for many years after and made lots of mistakes. Everyone does, but when you're naive and so sheltered, it's not good.

I feel my dating a non-Christian, pot smoking, alcoholic boyfriend for three years after that time was simply the rebellious acting out other people experience in high school. 

My adolescent rebellion was just delayed.:)

That said, I know I was also protected from a lot of mistakes I saw friends make because of my sheltered background. I've never fought alcoholism, drug abuse, porn addiction or any of the things that are visible as societal ills. My issues are more covert and common place. Doesn't mean I'm perfect though. Far from it!

I try to work on myself every day through scripture reading, prayer and discussions with Christian friends. Doesn't mean I always get it right, but I'm getting better at it slowly, but surely.

Progress not perfection, right?:)

That's why when I see so many Christians out here spending all their time with only other supposed Christians and only doing Christian activities, I don't have much in common and wonder if they even know there's verses in the Bible that state:

1 Corinthians 9:19-23, especially in the paraphrased version of the Bible, coming from The Message, "Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized-whoever.

I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ-but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!"

Romans 12:2 also says "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

There's such a thing as choking on Christian fellowship when we're called to be "fishers of men" (more Christianese, I know. Weird, right? It's in the Bible though: Matt. 4:19 "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men.")

However, my favorite verses are these:

^{Matthew 5:13-16 13} “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. ¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

The irony of Christianity in CA, one of the most liberal states ever, is that those who attend church really believe in it and want to live a better life. It's not because all their friends are doing it, it's a social good time, or it's easy to be Christian out there. It's hard.  

According to statistics, only 18% of people profess Christianity in CA vs. 48% here in GA.

Living a Christian life in CA is as counter-culture as you can be. It's not sexy, fun or cool like it can be out here in GA. It's a life-defining relationship that requires devotion, discipline and constant effort to live a blameless life because you're surrounded by so much heathenism it's easy to succumb.

I know. I've succumbed.:)

But I've also repented and gotten out of it with great effort and support of other Christians to pursue a more Godly life too. 

You really do know Christians by their walk. You can't hide it. You either are a Christian, or you're not.

Out here in GA, it's a little easier to hide since everyone goes to church and then lives however they want. There's no societal pressure to live to a higher standard because as long as you're hearing Andy Stanley's sermons and participating in Christian activities, everyone assumes you're pursuing a Godly life.

There's basically no difference between being Christian and not. No accountability unless people actively seek it out which happens rarely, if ever.

This kind of religious lifestyle has its good points and its bad. It's like the old saying though, standing in the garage doesn't make you a car. Or the verse that says, "So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth."

Christian living is living a life that's different even if it means not sleeping with your boy/girlfriend though it feels so good. It means not getting drunk even though that also feels good. It also means not gossiping about other people because it's a fun, social activity everyone's doing and if you don't, you're kinda out of the loop.

M. Scott Peck has written two books I highly recommend reading. For those of you not familiar with who he is, Peck "was an American psychiatrist and best-selling author, best known for his first book, The Road Less Traveled, published in 1978."

I've always been an avid reader since a child. I even won a reading contest in elementary school for reading the most books in my grade. I tested at the 17th grade reading level in the 3rd grade and received 40 out of 40 in a comprehension test then too. Also as a child, I memorized the most Bible verses in order to win a trip in a bi-plane.

Can you tell I'm competitive and like winning?:)

When I attended college I was able to get out of taking a class because I'd already read the 20 books assigned on the topic. I choose a topic or author and then read everything until I'm bored. Then I move on. 

Thus, I read M. Scott Peck's first book, The Road Less Traveled, after high school which I related to and enjoyed. It deeply impacted my life, as have all the books I read. There's a saying, what you read today will be who you are five years from now. It's also been shown millionaires read an average of one book a month.

Just thought you'd like to know.:)

Here, according to Wikipedia, are the basic tenets of Peck's first book:

"In The Road Less Traveled,^[6] Peck talked of the importance of discipline. He described four aspects of discipline:

• Delaying gratification: Sacrificing present comfort for future gains.
• Acceptance of responsibility: Accepting responsibility for one's own decisions.
• Dedication to truth: Honesty, both in word and deed.
• Balancing: Handling conflicting requirements. Scott Peck talks of an important skill to prioritize between different requirements -- bracketing."

I just had to read his next book, after the deep perspectives I found in this book on spirituality and psychiatry. The concepts I read have carried with me throughout my life.

Here's the description of People of the Lie: The Hope For Healing Human Evil

by M. Scott Peck

"With his classic best-selling book, The Road Less Traveled, Dr. M. Scott Peck has introduced over three million readers to an integration of the deepest insights of psychiatry with those of religion.

In People of the Lie, an absorbing and equally inspiring companion volume, Dr. Peck utilizes the same approach to probe brilliantly the essence of human evil. People who are evil attack others instead of facing their own failures. Peck demonstrates the havoc these People of the Lie work in the lives of those around them.

He presents, from cases encountered in his psychiatric practice, unforgettably vivid incidents of evil in everyday life. This disturbing, fascinating book offers a strikingly original approach to the age-old problem of human evil."

 

You can read more about him and his books here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M._Scott_Peck

Now the part of the book I related to the most was his description of spiritual development based on his practice and knowledge of human nature which is copied below:

"The Four Stages of Spiritual Development

Peck postulates that there are four stages of human spiritual development^[12][13]:

• Stage I is chaotic, disordered, and reckless. Very young children are in Stage I. They tend to defy and disobey, and are unwilling to accept a will greater than their own. They are extremely egoistic and lack empathy for others. Many criminals are people who have never grown out of Stage I.
• Stage II is the stage at which a person has blind faith in authority figures and sees the world as divided simply into good and evil, right and wrong, us and them. Once children learn to obey their parents and other authority figures, often out of fear or shame, they reach Stage II. Many so-called religious people are essentially Stage II people, in the sense that they have blind faith in God, and do not question His existence. With blind faith comes humility and a willingness to obey and serve. The majority of good, law-abiding citizens never move out of Stage II.
• Stage III is the stage of scientific skepticism and questioning. A Stage III person does not accept things on faith but only accepts them if convinced logically. Many people working in scientific and technological research are in Stage III. They often reject the existence of spiritual or supernatural forces since these are difficult to measure or prove scientifically. Those who do retain their spiritual beliefs move away from the simple, official doctrines of fundamentalism.
• Stage IV is the stage where an individual starts enjoying the mystery and beauty of nature and existence. While retaining skepticism, he starts perceiving grand patterns in nature and develops a deeper understanding of good and evil, forgiveness and mercy, compassion and love. His religiousness and spirituality differ significantly from that of a Stage II person, in the sense that he does not accept things through blind faith or out of fear, but does so because of genuine belief, and he does not judge people harshly or seek to inflict punishment on them for their transgressions. This is the stage of loving others as yourself, losing your attachment to your ego, and forgiving your enemies. Stage IV people are labeled as Mystics."

When I read it back in college, I was still in Stage 2, but now feel like I've continued to evolve in my faith to a different level. I don't "need" Christians to know my faith. It's part of who I am and I've studied it, tested it, and lived it. My dependence on God is complete and full. I don't need to prove anything to anybody because I know who I am in my faith.

I do enjoy hanging out with Christians, don't get me wrong. I just can't handle hanging out only with them! LOL

I love all kinds of people and artists especially. That includes filmmakers, musicians, fine artists, graffiti artists, fashion designers, models, actors, and anyone who expresses themselves creatively. They see the world through different eyes and reflect it back to us in ways we may not have considered.

If I had to give up hanging out with all the quirky, funky unusual people you find in a creative environment, I would die. I love them!:)

That's why I may not always be found in Christian circles, part of Christian groups on Facebook, or disecting my faith online with other Christians. Been there, done that. It's not who I am, nor who I want to be any more. 

I remember the admonition Ann Landers quoted by Eleanor Roosevelt in one column oh, so long ago: "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

So, if you care to engage me a discussion of politics, ideas or anything other than who's dating who, who's saying what about whoever, what the Bible says about men and women's roles, then I'm all ears.

I may even hang out with you or your group more.

But if not, not really interested. I've got too many other interesting people I want to get to know and learn from who are open-minded, truth seekers, and growth-oriented. 

And with that, I'm off to Passion City Church to learn from spiritual people I admire and respect. Next week I'll be with other kinds of people and looking forward to it!:)

American Photographer, Mark Abrahams, has a new book out. Text by James Frey.

One of the foremost fashion and magazine cover photographers of the past two decades, American photographer Mark Abrahams has straddled the gap between fashion and celebrity portraiture with guileless simplicity and exacting care.

A self-taught photographer, Abrahams portrays his subjects with an introspective depth and candor. His subjects run the gamut of the A-list: Julianne Moore, George Clooney, James Franco, Dakota Fanning, Sean Diddy Combs, Ashley Olsen, Dennis Hopper, Lindsay Lohan, Larry Clark, Michelle Obama, Ed Ruscha, Philip Roth, Roberto Bolle, Evander Holyfield, Kate Winslet, Justin Timberlake, Tom Hanks, Rachel Weisz and countless others. This volume provides a dazzling parade of the glitterati under Abrahams' lens, devoid of affectation or artifice. Abrahams is donating his portion of the proceeds from this book to benefit Hope For Haiti Now.

Mark Abrahams was born in 1958 in Santa Ana, California. The gift of a Nikon FM from his mother ignited his passion for photography. Working as a truck driver by day, Abrahams transformed his tiny bathroom into a functioning darkroom to develop film, retouch negatives and manipulate surfaces at night. Against all odds, in the early 1990s Abrahams found himself shooting iconic musicians, jetting to Milan with supermodels and landing editorial shoots with L'Uomo Vogue, Deutsch Vogueand GQ.

You can buy it here: http://www.artbook.com/9788862081382.html

#Personal Branding by #Joy Kennelly, #Seth Godin, and #Dan Schwabel - Introduction #in

By Joy A. Kennelly

After recently experiencing poor leadership in an organization, I began a search to discover what quantifies great leadership and what qualities are common among those who are great leaders.

I focused in on creative leaders and how they lead because of my personal entertainment and fashion background and my own perspective as a leader.

That, and watching the fun times Bret Michaels and Sharon Osbourne had working together on their Celebrity Apprentice Team projects which helped me realize they are leaders even though they don't fit the corporate world's mold of leadership. They actually have fun doing what they're doing which is my main motivation in everything I do too.

This will be a series of posts on some of the things I've learned thus far on those who are successful in branding themselves as leaders others should follow.

My first stop was Borders where I researched the top selling leadership, marketing and success gurus. What I discovered was there were a few prolific authors who rose to the top of this genre like Seth Godin, Robin Sharma, and John C. Maxwell to name a few.

Because I've been tested reading 900 words a minute and am a voracious reader whose personal library would quickly outgrow anywhere I live, I then went to the library to check out books by these men.

I don't know if its gender bias, or if female leadership books fall into a different section of the bookshelf, but I found it interesting there weren't that many, or any, in the leadership category.

I've always worked best with men so it doesn't bother me too much not to read some fluffy female's perspective, but I am still curious to hear if there are any female leadership books out there! Sorry ladies, you know some of you can be fluffy and all warm & cozy don't deny it. lol

My dad wanted boys growing up so we were raised completely different than most little girls and as a result are very independent socially, mentally and relationally. Plus, living and traveling overseas as a child apparently affects the way I look at things too according to Third Culture Kid research.

Or maybe even more telling, we didn't have a TV in the house until I was a Junior in High School and only then because I won it selling the most candy bars (with my sister's help) in a school contest. Not being bombarded by commercials and other society programming of what a girl is supposed to be in your formative years does tend to make you think differently than the average female living in the US I'm learning.

That said, if any of you reading this have any recommendations for female leadership books, please leave a comment as I would love to hear. I am a woman after all and do love learning from everyone.

Moving right along.

After collecting a stack of books to read and starting to read them, I then began searching for others who exhibited leadership qualities with something to say in the online realm in this regard as that's an area of focus for me also as a Social Media Strategist.

The guy who stood out to me immediately was Personal Branding Guru, Dan Schawbel. I'm sure there are others, but his profile and information caught my eye because of his age and his command of personal branding in the corporate world and online space.

In addition to reading and watching webinars, I also plan to start interviewing creative leaders in fashion, entertainment, food, and publishing which should be very interesting. I've also been invited to interview influential Hermosa Beach residents for Patch Hermosa which I'll announce here once they're published.

So, in the ensuing posts I'll be sharing what I've learned thus far and what I know about creative leadership having helped numerous people create their own personal brands as Actors, Fine Artists, Screenwriters, Filmmakers and others.

I'm breaking it up into separate posts because there's a lot of content and I want to give you a more in-depth analysis without overwhelming you with content.

More to come. Stay tuned...

Memoir: All the Single Ladies seminar

I've heard Amy Alkon before, but Julie Klausner, Giulia Melucco and Sascha Rothchild I haven't. Should be good. "Amy writes the award-winning nationally syndicated advice column 'The Advice Goddess' ... and is also the author of 'I see Rude People.'

Check out her blog at www.advicegoddess.com.:) Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Posted via email from joydacious's posterous

AWARD-WINNING FILM HISTORIAN/AUTHOR CHARLES ZIGMAN’S 2009/2010 “SECOND EDITION” OF WORLD'S COOLEST MOVIE STAR: THE COMPLETE 95 FILMS (AND LEGEND) OF JEAN GABIN VOLUMES I & II

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

                                                                                          For more information, contact: publisher@allenwoodpress.com

 “Jean Gabin is one of the greatest actors who ever lived.  He is, to me, the paradigm of the perfect actor.  He’s still. He’s honest.  He’s brave.  He would never make anything up.  He would never add any emotion to it… And he performs with such simplicity, that it can only be understood as artistic courage…”

David Mamet

  ALLENWOOD PRESS ANNOUNCES AN OCTOBER 1, 2009 RELEASE DATE OF

AWARD-WINNING FILM HISTORIAN/AUTHOR CHARLES ZIGMAN’S 2009/2010 “SECOND EDITION” OF WORLD'S COOLEST MOVIE STAR: THE COMPLETE 95 FILMS (AND LEGEND) OF JEAN GABIN VOLUMES I & II

Awarded “Best Performing Arts Book” by Independent Publisher Book Awards in 2009 and “Book of the Year” for Best Performing Arts Book by Foreword Magazine in ‘08

Los Angeles, CA – Allenwood Press announces October 1, 2009 as the release date of the 2^nd edition of a revised and expanded version of Film Historian/Author, Charles Zigman’s Award-Winning Two-Volume Set on the prolific film career of Actor Jean Gabin entitled, WORLD’S COOLEST MOVIE STAR: THE COMPLETE 95 FILMS (AND LEGEND) OF JEAN GABIN VOLS I AND II. Awarded “Best Performing Arts Book” by Independent Publisher Book Awards in 2009 and “Book of the Year” for Best Performing Arts Book by Foreword Magazine in ’08, the newly expanded and revised 2^nd edition includes new photographs and twelve completely re-written chapters, with new information discovered via reader feedback on the First Edition.

Considered to  be one of the greatest movie stars of all time by movie fans throughout the world, the legendary French actor Jean Gabin’s entire prolific film career is documented in the WORLD'S COOLEST MOVIE STAR: THE COMPLETE 95 FILMS (AND LEGEND) OF JEAN GABIN, VOLUMES ONE AND TWO. These are the very first filmography books on Jean Gabin and his ninety-five films in any language, not to mention the very first books ever written about Jean Gabin in the English-language.  “For many people around the world,” Ian Birnie, film curator of the Los Angeles County Museum of Art has said, “Jean Gabin is, and has always been, French cinema.”

The legendary actress Michele Morgan, who appeared with Gabin in some of his best known feature films, wrote the foreword to Volume One. Actress Brigitte Bardot penned an original foreword to Volume Two; Playwright/Director David Mamet has provided an “appreciation” in the same volume.

WORLD'S COOLEST MOVIE STAR: THE COMPLETE 95 FILMS (AND LEGEND) OF JEAN GABIN, VOLUMES I AND II is for Jean Gabin newbies and completists alike: For the un-initiated, both books feature lengthy biography and introductory chapters which place Gabin and his famous big-screen persona into perspective; and for film buffs, Film Historian/Author Charles Zigman presents ninety-five separate chapters dedicated to Jean Gabin's ninety-five theatrical feature films.  Each of the two volumes features over 100 rare archival photographs, never seen before in other published French-language books about Jean Gabin.

More than sixty motion pictures which have never been subtitled into English have been translated by native speakers and written about by Author Zigman in WORLD'S COOLEST MOVIE STAR: THE COMPLETE 95 FILMS (AND LEGEND) OF JEAN GABIN, VOLUMES I AND II, allowing English-speaking readers to feel, by reading about the films, that they’re actually ‘seeing’ them.  Excerpts included from original U.S. and European newspaper reviews, written between the 1930’s and the 1970’s, demonstrate how prominent movie critics received Gabin's pictures when they were first released.

Throughout the world, Jean Gabin is considered to be film history’s consummate everyman, and he continues to be a huge cult figure in the United States.  In 2002, week-long Jean Gabin festivals were presented at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art’ and at the Walter Reade Theatres in New York to sold-out crowds. In September of 2008, Author Zigman, in connection with the release of the First Edition, presented a two-night Jean Gabin Screening Event and Book Signing at the American Cinematheque at Hollywood’s Egyptian Theater.

 During the 1930s and 1940s, Gabin's popularity in the U.S. equaled that of Humphrey Bogart, James Cagney, and Bette Davis. Volume One, subtitled "Tragic Drifter," explores the period between 1930 to 1953, and covers the first forty-six of Gabin’s films, including the internationally renowned GRAND ILLUSION, as well as the 1937 gangster classic PEPE LE MOKO in which, as in other films made during this period, the actor reucrringly plays international movie history's most famous tragic drifter.

Volume Two, subtitled "Comeback/Patriarch," covers Films 47 through 95, which Gabin made between 1954 and 1976.  During this period, instead of playing the tragic drifter, the star played a series of mega-cool gentleman-criminals and world-weary yet life-loving patriarchs. Gabin even turned out comedies during this period, films which have been previously unknown to English-speaking audiences.

Film Historian/Author Charles Zigman’s goal is to introduce as many people as possible to Gabin’s films and life in a fun, informative, comprehensive way. The 2^nd edition of WORLD'S COOLEST MOVIE STAR: THE COMPLETE 95 FILMS (AND LEGEND) OF JEAN GABIN, VOLUMES I AND II will be available October 1, 2009.  The two volumes are sold separately.

Film Historian/Author Charles Zigman, a native of Los Angeles, has taught Film and Television at Augusta State University, Georgia. Zigman is a graduate of both UCLA’s undergraduate filmmaking program and Columbia University’s Graduate Department of Film in New York, where he co-wrote a screenplay with writing legend Terry Southern.  Zigman has also contributed articles to NEW TIMES LOS ANGELES, CULT MOVIES MAGAZINE, THE HOLLYWOOD STOCK EXCHANGE, WORD.COM, and L.A. TRIBE.COM, not to mention several chapters to the 2001 book GIG: AMERICANS TALK ABOUT THEIR JOBS AT THE TIME OF THE MILLENNIUM (Crown Books).  For the past ten years, he has traveled the world, researching and writing about all ninety-five films of Jean Gabin. He currently resides in Los Angeles, CA. For more information, go to www.jeangabinbook.com and www.allenwoodpress.com.

 Volume One: Tragic Drifter:  ISBN:  #978-0-9799722-0-1. ($39.95 U.S./£25.00 U.K./ €26.85 European Union.) Hardcover, 6 x 9, 576pps., 113 black and white photos, Pub. Date:  October 1, 2009.

 Volume Two: Comeback/Patriarch:  ISBN: #978-0-9799722-1-8. ($39.95 U.S./£25.00 U.K./ €26.85 European Union.) Hardcover, 6 X 9, 532pps., 100 black and white photos, Pub. Date:  October 1, 2009.

 Distributed by: Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, Amazon.fr, Amazon.ca, Baker and Taylor, Barnes and Noble, Bertram’s, Blackwell Book Services, Coutts, Cypher Library Supplier, Gardner’s, Holt Jackson, Ingram, NACSCORP, Book Depository.

 

No Glass Ceiling, Just Blue Sky by Marcy Blochowiak - enjoy!

My coaching friend, Carol, just sent me this. I found it very inspirational and beautiful which is why I'm sharing it here. I take no credit, just posting it here for your reading pleasure because that's just the kind of girl I am.:)

No Glass Ceiling, Just Blue Sky

Words To Live By

An excerpt from No Glass Ceiling, Just Blue Sky

By Marcy Blochowiak

Dream what you want to dream; Go where you want to go; Be what you want to be, Because you have only one life And one chance to do all the things You want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, Enough trials to make you strong, Enough sorrow to keep you human and Enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily Have the best of everything; They just make the most of Everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always Be based on a forgotten past; You can't go forward in life until You let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying And everyone around you was smiling Live your life so at the end You're the one who is smiling and everyone Around you is crying. - Anonymous

Feel free to watch our 3 minute inspirational movie...No Glass Ceiling, Just Blue Sky. I think you'll love it!

Just click on the link below to watch.

No Glass Ceiling

Click Here To Watch

The article above was excerpted from the book "No Glass Ceiling, Just Blue Sky" By Marcy Blochowiak. It is reprinted here with permission. You may share this story as long as you do not edit the content; leave the links and this resource box intact.

Simple Truths

Mac Anderson is the founder of Simple Truths, a company dedicated to publishing great gift books that reinforce core values. Mac also founded Successories, Inc. the leader in designing and marketing products for motivation and recognition. Mac regularly speaks to corporate audiences on a variety of topics, including leadership, motivation, and team building. Mac has written three books and co-authored 5 more all available at http://www.simpletruths.com

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Nasa & the Bible - very interesting!

My mom sent me this and I think it bears sharing. Enjoy!

NASA & THE BIBLE

I think one of the most amazing things that God has done for us today happened recently to our astronauts and space scientists at Green Belt, Maryland.  Thought this was pretty amazing and interesting!!

For all the scientists out there, and for all the students who have a hard   time convincing these people regarding the truth of the Bible, here's something that shows God's awesome creation, and that He is still in control.
 
Did you know that the space program is busy proving that what has been called "myth" in the Bible is true?
 
Mr. Harold Hill, President of the Curtis Engine Company in  Baltimore, Maryland, and a consultant in the space program, relates the following development.

They were checking out where the positions of the sun, moon, and planets would be 100 years and 1,000 years from now. We have to know this so we won't send up a satellite and have it bump into something later on in its orbits.
 
We have to lay out the orbits in terms of the life of the satellite and where the planets will be so the whole thing will not bog down.
 
They ran the computer measurement back and forth over the centuries, and it came to a halt. The computer stopped and put up a red signal, which meant that there was something wrong   with either the information fed into it or with the results as compared to the standards.
 
They called in the service department to check it out, and they said, 'What's wrong?' Well, they found there is a day missing in space in elapsed time.
 
They scratched their heads and tore their hair out.. There was no answer.
 
Finally a Christian man on the team said, 'You know, one time I was in Sunday School, and they talked about the sun standing still.' While they didn't believe him, they didn't have an answer either, so they said, 'Show us. '
 
He got a Bible and went to the book of Joshua where they found a pretty ridiculous statement for any one with 'common sense.'
 
There they found the Lord saying to Joshua,
 
'Fear them not, I have delivered them into thy hand; there shall not a man of them stand before Thee.'
 
Joshua was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy! And if darkness fell, they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand still! That's right... 'The sun   stood still and the moon stayed and lasted not to go down about a whole day!'
(Joshua 10:12-13)
 
The astronauts and scientists said, There is the missing day! They checked the computers going back into the time it was written and found it was close, but not close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back in Joshua's day was 23 hours and 20 minutes, not a whole day.
 
They read the Bible, and there it was about [approximately] a day. These little words in the Bible are important, but they were still in trouble because if you cannot account for 40 minutes, you'll still be in trouble 1000 years from now.
 
Forty minutes had to be found because   it can be multiplied many times over in orbits. As the Christian employee   thought about it, he remembered somewhere in the Bible where it said the sun went BACKWARDS.
 
The scientists told him he was out ofhis mind, but they got out the Book and read these words in 2 Kings that told   of the following story: Hezekiah, on his death bed, was visited by the prophet   Isaiah who told him that he was not going to die. Hezekiah asked for a sign   as proof. Isaiah said 'Do you want the sun to go ahead 10 degrees?'

Hezekiah said, 'It is nothing for the   sun to go ahead 10 degrees, but let the shadow return backward 10 degrees.'   Isaiah spoke to the Lord, and the Lord brought the shadow ten degrees   BACKWARD! Ten degrees is exactly 40 minutes!

Twenty-three hours and 20 minutes in Joshua, plus 40 minutes in Second Kings   make the missing day in the universe! Isn't it amazing?
 
  References: Joshua 10:8 and 12,13 and   2 Kings 20:9-11.

Joshua 10:8, 12, 13
⁸ The LORD said to Joshua, "Do not be afraid of them; I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you."
    ¹² On the day the LORD gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the LORD in the presence of Israel: "O sun, stand still over Gibeon,
       O moon, over the Valley of Aijalon."

   ¹³ So the sun stood still,
       and the moon stopped,
       till the nation avenged itself on ^[a] its enemies,
      as it is written in the Book of Jashar.
      The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day.

2 Kings 20:9-11

    ⁹ Isaiah answered, "This is the LORD's sign to you that the LORD will do what he has promised: Shall the shadow go forward ten steps, or shall it go back ten steps?"

    ¹⁰ "It is a simple matter for the shadow to go forward ten steps," said Hezekiah. "Rather, have it go back ten steps."

    ¹¹ Then the prophet Isaiah called upon the LORD, and the LORD made the shadow go back the ten steps it had gone down on the stairway of Ahaz.

If God could do this then, how   much more can he do for us today. If we only believe in his word.    

Two more good books - How Starbucks Saved My Life and They Did it With Love

By Joy A. Kennelly

Seeing as I've been bed-ridden for the past few days except for a few jaunts here and there, I went to the library and checked out a few books to pass the time away. Haven't had the time to read for pleasure lately and thoroughly enjoyed getting lost in these two very different stories.

How Starbucks Saved My Life, by Michael Gates Gill is a very interesting tale of a man of privilege who loses everything only to find his soul. (Or at least that's how I read it!) Here's the official book reviews from Amazon:

Editorial Reviews
        From Publishers Weekly
"The son of New Yorker writer Brendan Gill grew up meeting the likes of Ezra Pound and Ernest Hemingway. A Yale education led to a job at prestigious J. Walter Thompson Advertising. But at 63, the younger Gill's sweet life has gone sour. Long fired from JWT, his own business is collapsing and an ill-advised affair has resulted in a new son and a divorce.

At this low point, and in need of health insurance for a just diagnosed brain tumor, Gill fills out an application for Starbucks and is assigned to the store on 93rd and Broadway in New York City, staffed primarily by African-Americans. Working as a barista, Gill, who is white, gets an education in race relations and the life of a working class Joe . Gill certainly has a story to tell, but his narrative is flooded with saccharine flashbacks, when it could have detailed how his very different, much younger colleagues, especially his endearing 28-year-old manager, Crystal Thompson, came to accept him.

The book reads too much like an employee handbook, as Gill details his duties or explains how the company chooses its coffee. Gill's devotion to the superchain has obviously changed his life for the better, but that same devotion makes for a repetitive, unsatisfying read. Photos not seen by PW. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.    

From Booklist

*Starred Review* Yale graduate, prosperous ad exec: Gill has it all. Then he turns 60 and finds himself precipitously bounced from his job and saddled with the triple threats of a ruined marriage, an unexpected newborn, and a brain tumor. Despairing at the prospect of looming poverty, he stops at a Manhattan Starbucks to comfort himself with a latte.

By chance he sits down next to Crystal, a young African American woman recruiting new workers for the coffee giant, and she offers him a job. Almost as an act of desperation, he accepts, and he dons the uniform of a barista-in-training at an Upper West Side Starbucks.

This son of privilege who had hobnobbed with Queen Elizabeth, T. S. Eliot, and Jackie Onassis, now keeps daily company with a diverse crew of brash young New Yorkers for whom Starbucks' progressive employee benefits and demanding, inspiring standards of public service offer hope.

Gill starts at the bottom, cleaning the bathroom, and he has trouble mastering the cash register. Over the months he learns to deeply respect Crystal, to appreciate the mutual support of his coworkers, and to genuinely cherish the passing parade of customers, each unique. To his own astonishment, he realizes that he actually looks forward joyfully to every hectic, exhausting workday. Other corporate giants can only envy the sheer goodwill that this memoir will inevitably generate for Starbucks. What a read." Knoblauch, Mark

I obviously agree with the 2nd reviewer since I didn't find it an employee handbook at all, but a man's journey to find himself when he'd lost it all. I loved the stories of his previous life of privilege inter-laced with his current Starbucks job. The characters he worked with made it interesting to read too.

I'm not the only one to think so because apparently Shari Smiley of Creative Artists Agency thought enough of his story to attach Tom Hanks and Gus Van Sant to the potential film project and she's supposed to have the Midas touch. Very cool.

I wonder though how well this book will translate into film. Reminds me too much of The Terminal, Hanks other film about a man stuck in one environment too that didn't do too well if I remember correctly. However, screenwriters can do miracles so I'll just wait and see what they come up with.

Just know the book is very good and worth a read. Especially for men.

The other book, They Did It With Love, by Kate Morgenroth, makes me never want to move to the suburbs since there's so much betrayal, murder and mayhem that ensues when one couple leaves the city to move to Greenwich, CT I didn't know it existed!

Here's Amazon's review of the book:

"Editorial Reviews Book Description

  Secrets lurk under the smooth surface of a wealthy Connecticut neighborhood, until a murder reveals all

Sofie and her husband have left Manhattan in search of a more tranquil life in the suburbs. But when a member of Sofie’s new neighborhood book club turns up dead, things get messy. She discovers that everybody has something to hide, including her own husband. Her neighbor Priscilla has been married to Gordon for fifteen years, but the love left their marriage a long time ago. Susan is Priscilla’s biggest supporter until she has to choose between loyalty to her friend and telling the truth. Ashley is eager to fit in, but her youth and status as a second wife keep her on the outside. She may know more than they think she does, though. Julia seems to have it all—the perfect house, job and husband. But her untimely death has people questioning how perfect her life really was. Through this swamp of suburban secrets, Sofie must wade to find the truth behind Julia’s murder and the state of her own marriage. They Did It with Love is a delightful, twisty, and twisted exploration of the things we’ll do for love.    

      About the Author
  Kate Morgenroth is the author of Kill Me First and Saved, and two YA novels, Jude and Echo."

This one kept me guessing right until the end! The characters were entertaining, the mystery book club a great setting for murder mischief, the deteriorating wealthy marriages, and everything else this little community unravels rivals Desperate Housewives!

It was very enjoyable and a nice escape from my life in CA to their lives in CT. Great for women to read and relax to. Men too, if you care to learn how to kill your wife. JUST KIDDING. Not that kind of book at all. Just checking to see if you're still reading.

Okay, that's all for now. Nice to finally feel like I can breath a bit. Now to stop coughing up a lung. OY!
     

Relationships & the 9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life again

By Joy A. Kennelly

Just got off the phone with a woman I highly respect who gave me some insight into a relationship that deeply saddens me over the way it is currently and has been for many years despite every effort I've made to heal it.

She shared that sometimes it's just not the right time for that relationship to be reconciled and we just need to let it go and move on. What I found so interesting is that her advice directly correlated with what I had just reviewed in Dr. Henry Cloud's book, 9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life this morning.

This was my third time reading it because I want the principles of this book to sink into my life and make me a better person. I highlighted all the areas I really liked and this time just reviewed those which made it a quick read.

Here's the 9 principles with some quoted excerpts from my favorite chapters in case you haven't read it yet:

1. Dig it up

"No matter what a person is trying to accomplish, if he is walking around with unresolved matters of the heart, his goals will be negatively affected. And secondly, the wise deja vu person knows that every time he faces one of those sicknesses in the heart, something better and larger emerges. Either new solutions are found in facing and solving problems, or new aspects of the soul are discovered. When we face our demons and our pain, we "reclaim the land" of our hearts and souls. You come through the suffering being better than who you were when you went it. You get back what had been taken and find extra character to boot. These wise people understand all that, and they enter in the process willingly."

2. Pull the tooth

"Successful people do not hang on to bad stuff for long. They do not allow negative things to take up space in their lives, draining them of energy and resources. They finish off problems and do not allow them to remain. They get rid of negative energy. There is certainly much thought, time, and process put into how to handle a negative situation lovingly and wisely, but there is little question as to whether or not it is going to be handled. [Y]our success in relationship and in life is going to be limited or enhanced by how well you exercise these two skills: 1. Your ability to confront and resolve negative things quickly, directly, lovingly, thoroughly, and effectively. 2. Your ability to let go and leave behind the things that are not resolvable. Proverbs 22:3:

    ³ A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge,
       but the simple keep going and suffer for it.

3. Play the movie

"Any one thing you do is only a scene in a larger movie. To understand that action, you have to play it out all the way to the end of the movie."

4. Do something

"What can I do to make this situation better? ... To psychologists, philosophers, and theologians, who is at fault, is not the big issue. That is a legal question. What is an issue is being responsible in terms of ownership. To own my life means that it is mine and no other person's. I can blame no one for what I do with it. I can blame them for what they do to me, but I cannot blame them for what I do with what they do to me. I am responsible for how I respond....To the degree that we allow life just to happen and are not active forces to change whatever situation we find ourselves in, we are not living up to our true humanity by reflecting God's nature."

5. Act like an ant

"They achieved their goals by taking tiny steps over time."

Proverbs 6:6-8:

    ⁶ Go to the ant, you sluggard;
       consider its ways and be wise!

    ⁷ It has no commander,
       no overseer or ruler,

    ⁸ yet it stores its provisions in summer
       and gathers its food at harvest.

"All success is built and sustained just like a building is built, one brick at a time."

6. Hate well (this chapter and principle spoke the most to me.)

"In reality though, hate is one of the most important aspects of being human. It is one of the most crucial ingredients of a good person's character. What we hate says a lot about who we are, what we value, what we care about. And how we hate says much about how we will succeed in love and life.... Basically, we are defined in part by what we love and what we hate. What we love says what we will invest in, go for, move towards, give time and resources to, and orient ourselves toward with the best parts of who we are. You can tell a lot about people by what they love....Likewise, we can know a lot about people by what they hate....Successful people move against the problem, and show love and respect to the person at the same time....Deja vu people tend to have immune responses to things that are truly infections, poisons, toxins and dangers....Deja vu people tend to address the real toxins of life in specific, effective ways that face the issues and respect the persons involved."

Proverbs 6:16-19:

    ¹⁶ There are six things the LORD hates,
       seven that are detestable to him:

    ¹⁷ haughty eyes,
       a lying tongue,
       hands that shed innocent blood,

    ¹⁸ a heart that devises wicked schemes,
       feet that are quick to rush into evil,

    ¹⁹ a false witness who pours out lies
       and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

Psalm 101:3-7:

    ³ I will set before my eyes
       no vile thing.
       The deeds of faithless men I hate;
       they will not cling to me.

    ⁴ Men of perverse heart shall be far from me;
       I will have nothing to do with evil.

    ⁵ Whoever slanders his neighbor in secret,
       him will I put to silence;
       whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart,
       him will I not endure.

    ⁶ My eyes will be on the faithful in the land,
       that they may dwell with me;
       he whose walk is blameless
       will minister to me.

    ⁷ No one who practices deceit
       will dwell in my house;
       no one who speaks falsely
       will stand in my presence.

"'Whenever I see destructive behavior, I am going to leave that scene. I won't trust people who are betrayers so I won't be walking around with a lot of hurt. I will stay away from people who twist good things such as love or sex and use them in some impure way. I won't play that game. I don't want to be close to those who are slanderers and put others down. And those arrogant types who think they are so superior and try to put me down can just stay away. I want to be around good people with good hearts and spend my time with them. I want to receive what they have to offer. I won't be around liars and people who are not into truth.'"

"When you apply objective things like time, space, understanding, specific events, specific emotions, and specific places to the origins of your hate, you begin to put them in their proper place. Realize that your hurt comes from a different time in the past and let the span between then and now help you get a new perspective on it. Understand what the hurtful incident meant for you then, and what is has come to mean for you today. Think about what new understanding you can bring to those same kinds of events today that can reduce their power in your life. Work through the feelings and emotions of it all with a trusted person or group. When you trace the origins of your feelings to objective people or events, you can begin to understand them and sort them according to their value.

You must take from those experiences the things that you want to learn and make part of you, such as what kinds of people are untrustworthy and should be avoided, or specific skills that would make you stronger now and not susceptible to the same kind of injury again. Above all, seek healing and understanding for the parts of you that have been injured."

7. Don't play fair (This chapter was another favorite. Lots of good stuff in it! Too much to put here, but these scriptures really speak to it - these were provided in the book.)

Luke 6:32-35:

    ³²"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. ³³And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. ³⁴And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. ³⁵But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

Romans 12:17-18:

    ¹⁷Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. ¹⁸If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Romans 12:21:
²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

"GIVE BACK BETTER THAN YOU ARE GIVEN"

Proverbs 24:17-18:

    ¹⁷ Do not gloat when your enemy falls;
       when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice,

    ¹⁸ or the LORD will see and disapprove
       and turn his wrath away from him.

8. Be humble

"Humility is not having a need to be more than you are."

"Identifying with other normal humans who fail leads to a number of success patterns, as we shall continue to see. The first two of these are huge factors in achieving success:

1. Successful people show kindness, understanding, and help to others who fail.

2. Successful people are not derailed by their own failures; they accept them as a normal part of the process.

People who win in life do not condemn themselves for failure; they accept it. They learn from it. Failure motivates them to do better. They do not beat themselves up for it, and they don not begin to believe that they cannot accomplish something just because they failed. Because they are humble and identify with the human race that makes mistakes and fails, they see failure as normal. They expect it to come, so they are not surprised when it does. They use it and do not feel disqualified because of it. It is a paradox of monumental proportions.

Regarding their imperfections, these people do at least two things very well that build success, foster good relationships, and encourage learning, growth and wisdom:

1. They admit it quickly when they are wrong.

2. They receive correction and confrontation from others well.

Proverbs 9:7:

    ⁷ "Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult;
       whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.

Proverbs 15:12:

    ¹² A mocker resents correction;
       he will not consult the wise."

9. Upset the right people

"Deja Vu people do not make decisions based on the fear of other people's reactions. What you should do, and what someone's response is going to be, are two very different issues."

Proverbs 19:19:

    ¹⁹ A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty;
       if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.

That is the thing to remember about trying to appease controlling and angry people. If you let their anger decide your course of action for you - whether to give or not to give - then you have just trained them in how to get what they want out of you. You have set yourself up for the same experience again.

In addition, do you really want to give to someone who is only going to hate you? What kind of relationship is that? What kind of love is that? True love would accept your choice and respect your having to say no.

If you are resetting your course based on the fact that someone might get angry with you, you have chosen a flimsy foundation upon which to make a decision. You have lost control of yourself, and that is not what successful people do. They are not held hostage by anger.

They go against the odds if the odds are against what is right. They are willing to be the odd one, risking loss of approval in order to do the right thing. They understand that the approval of others does not go very far in making one truly fulfilled. It may be nice for a moment but getting up every day and doing what you believe in is much more lasting."

9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life and other thoughts...

By Joy A. Kennelly

Sometimes you just need a good friend to tell it like it is and remind you that God is in control, not you. I keep saying I'm turning my life over to His will and His leading in my life, but deep down inside I keep thinking that means I'll still get to play in Hollywood with all my friends I've known for years and years.

Not so. I was reminded tonight by my good friend that when one door closes, another opens. Right now it seems like God is closing the door for me to do more personal publicity for actors and it's very sad to me. I LOVE that kind of work. I love helping people brand themselves and create business and opportunities from that identity.

I LOVE IT! It makes me very happy and I think I'm good at it. Others do too, but they can't afford my services (at least the ones I'm meeting. Maybe I need to meet more better ones. Ya think?)

For whatever reason though, it's just not happening right now and I have to accept that fact as a fact and stop living in denial. Maybe I'll go back to doing it down the road, but for now... Not happening. I'm beginning to realize I don't really know what God wants for my life anymore.

That's why my friend telling me she knows I have a gift for publicity and that maybe God wants to use my talents in representing the South Bay is a little overwhelming, but also encouraging. Maybe this is the right direction to take.

I have to admit though. When I think about living AND working down here I feel like I'm going to be bored out of my skull! What is going on at night other than bars and happy hours? Will someone please tell me? Lots of stuff to do on the weekends and during the day, but nights? WHAT IS THERE TO DO - ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE SINGLE???

Maybe I need to start planning some parties and get some events going or something. I don't know, but I do know that if I am going to stay down here I need to entertain myself. I can't deal with the thought that the highlight of my night is going to be meeting a friend of mine down at Barnes & Nobles and seeing what the latest mags are. I'll shrivel up and die! Not that there's anything wrong with it, but not all the time!

No wonder people drink so much down here. LOL. They're bored! I'm bored! Oh well. I need to stop ragging on my little home town and start doing something to make it more fun. I'm sure there's other people like me who would love to do stuff at night too.

I can only hit Java Man so often too. Love that place, but have to say, the customer service with some of the guys working there has gotten kind of bad. I don't know why. I'm not tipping any different than I have in the past. I am ordering the same stuff. I don't know. Just an fyi, mr. owner guy. Especially the Sunday closing crew. What's up their butt?

I was so bored I threw an impromptu night BBQ on Tuesday and all nine people I invited showed up. That was with two hours notice. I think they're bored too. This community needs something pulling the singles and those without children of the town together outside of bars. Just a thought.

I'm tired. Just felt like blogging. It's been awhile because I've been busy and other stuff taking up my time, but I miss sharing. Maybe it's a little too personal, but I always hope that perhaps other people will relate to what I've written and will be comforted or encouraged to know they're not alone feeling the way they do.

One of the things the former shrink from the Women of Faith conference I attended last weekend said is, "When we reveal, then we heal." (This was a very fun conference, but kind of Christian lite so you had to be there which is why I'm not covering it. Check out the link for more details. It's good, just not what I expected. Laughed a lot though!)

Back to my original thought - "When we reveal, we heal." I know, trite phrase, but it was also echoed in this book I bought that weekend by Christian clinical psychologist, Dr. Henry Cloud, entitled 9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life.

I kept trying to read bits and pieces of the book over the breaks because it had such an intriguing title and he's such a great author on numerous topics. I almost didn't get it because I still have a gift card from the women's retreat I attended and was going to get it later, but then I read his counseling of an overweight patient about how to effectively lose weight - one pound at a time, one week at a time (more details in the book - read it! It's really great. This is my 2nd time reading it now.) which was a concept I hadn't really grasped because I'm the "I want it now and if I can't have it right now why bother" type person.

However, that idea really resonated with me and since reading the book I've joined a gym again. Time to hit the ground running so to speak. Maybe I'll eat more salads now too. Maybe Weight Watchers is next? Who knows? :)

Back to the book though, I digress. What Dr. Cloud explains is that there are 9 certain traits and characteristics of successful people that he was able to analyze after meeting so many "de ja vu" people.
He calls them that because he kept meeting people who reminded him of other people and he thought maybe he'd met them before because there were so many similarities, but then he realized these people all addressed life in the same successful  way. That's the genesis of the book. I highly, highly recommend it. It's easy to read, lots of examples with real people not celebrities which would make you think you can't attain that life, and very informative.

There's a little study guide that goes along with it and if you bought the two together at the conference I was attending you got a discount - I bought both.:) Now I'm starting to read the daily step by step guide to changing your life in 30 days. It's very scriptural so if that's not your thing don't bother. But if you are interested in hearing God's perspective on you and your dreams, then get it. I'm enjoying reading it too.

Speaking of goal setting... A few of my friends and I are going to start the Goal Gals back up again real soon. (It's something I created back in the mid-90's which my friend Cynthia named when she was part of it where I get groups of people together to accomplish goals in three month increments.)

I'm excited about starting again because I always get so much support in groups like this and accomplish so much more than I would by myself. It's a good time to start too because pretty soon I'm going to be very busy again. I'm very excited that my producer/writer/mentor friend, Marcia, is going to help me create my adoption doc because I'm just way too close to be objective. Should be interesting...at least I hope!

I'm also looking forward to taking Chris Howard's seminar again next weekend. He takes everything that's taught on goal setting and just kicks it up to a whole other level. I was so inspired last time I attended can't wait to attend this one. I think you can still sign up for free. Check it out. If you're a conference attender like I am!:)

I'm still loving working with my artist client, Gali Rotstein. She's creating some really cool new art pieces and is busy in the studio. I'm busy pitching her to more and more galleries. We have some pending, but until things are confirmed I can't really discuss them here. Just know as soon as we know, you will know. There's also a very cool women's magazine (one of my favorites actually) interested in her story too and if I get her that hit, it will be major! Say a prayer!:)

Otherwise, wrapped the car gig last week (although they're not done, but I was - HA HA) and have been busy catching up on things this week as a result. I don't know how people work 9am - 5pm. I really don't. It's so machine like. But the money's nice I guess. However, according to my Henry Cloud book, it's more important to do something that makes your heart sing.

So, I'm off to read more and learn what's going to make my heart sing! Have a good one all.

Don't be a stranger.

Enjoy the read.