Some fathering advocates would say that almost every social ill faced by America’s children is related to fatherlessness. Six are noted here. (Also see related fatherlessness epidemic infographic)
As supported by the data below, children from fatherless homes are more likely to be poor, become involved in drug and alcohol abuse, drop out of school, and suffer from health and emotional problems. Boys are more likely to become involved in crime, and girls are more likely to become pregnant as teens."
I have a friend who was working on a documentary about fatherhood back in 2010 and was really surprised at how much the lack of a father affects children and the impact it has on society as a result. Do you really think young black men, as young as 12 years old and black girls as young as 7, would be involved in protests, looting and rioting, if their fathers had been present in their lives and cared to protect them? I highly doubt it. It's why I cling to my heavenly Father when my earthly Father abandons me emotionally.
But don't take my word for it, take experts because if you do even a simple search of fatherhood all kinds of articles come up indicating how much the lack of a father affects boys and girls in the African American community. And society in general.
I observed it firsthand while living with a Latina single mom and her bi-racial, African American/Latina daughter. The mother worked a low paying day job all day and often worked late into the night/early morning doing Uber to cover her bills, while her daughter was left home alone, smoking pot with her friends, watching adult themed shows that were violent, sexual, and totally beyond anything children should be watching thanks to Netflix. The birthfather never paid child support, but would occasionally take the daughter to stay at the celebrities home he was security for to enjoy a weekend while the celebrity was away. Needless to say, there was a lot of rage in the mom and a lot of jealousy in the daughter who thought doing hair was her way out of poverty.
Due to lack of supervision and a desire to feel loved, this 16 year old got pregnant. But not after first attempting suicide twice, and that was all within the 7 months I lived there. It was my firsthand introduction to what it's like to live in an environment of little income, little hope, and total lack of supervision. The mother tried to compensate by buying the daughter expensive gifts she could barely afford, but the daughter was so spoiled she rarely appreciated the sacrifices her mother made for her. Rather, this selfish girl sadly thought her deadbeat Dad was her hero despite his total lack of financial support due to having so many other baby mamas he should have been supporting.
Where does the cycle of poverty end? Living there it sometimes felt like the chicken and the egg. What do you deal with first? The lack of child support? The abuse? The lack of supervision? I don't know.
I do know that's why I placed my son in an open adoption knowing myself and my family as I do. I love them all, but they haven't always been the most supportive or encouraging of me which helped make the decision easier. They also haven't been the most open-minded to my dating black men in the past which is another reason. Ironically, no desire now which my little Mom wasn't alive to see me change my mind.
I remember one relative who wouldn't let me bring my black friend to Thanksgiving despite his being very well-educated, kind, and funny from a quality family. And that was years ago. I skipped quite a few Thanksgivings after that, but came to accept that was her experience growing up and I won't change it. It's why she's never met my bi-racial son and probably never will, although she was there during my pre-adoption baby shower and has supported me when other family members haven't.
We have a loving, kind relationship and I value her in my life. We just view race very differently. Perhaps we're a little closer now though.
I also remember being told by a friend who spoke to my middle sister about my pregnancy that she told my friend I wouldn't be a good mother which hurt deeply. My sister also said something racially motivated which I have since forgotten, but it also tempered my willingness to bring my child into my immediate family.
My youngest sister was always supportive and even came to the hospital when my son was born. I stayed with her and her girls after having my appendix removed while five months pregnant which was a very dangerous operation to have for my unborn son. I remember telling my Mom in the hospital, I know I'm placing him in adoption, but I don't want him to die. She was there every step of the way and would even go to visit the adoptive family with me because she was Grandma in body, heart and mind to my son. I only wish she had been alive to meet him when I brought him out to visit a few years after her death. She always kept in touch with the adoptive family and cared about everything I would share about him.
That meant a lot. I don't have a lot of people in my life who understand or know that period in my life because my closest guy friend died of cancer a few years back and others have moved on, like some friendships do. Looking at me, you wouldn't guess I have a son and I rarely put it out there, but I feel like it today because it helps explain my decision to those who have questions. I have an open adoption which is explained here:
I'll never forget my niece laying her little head on my chest to comfort me when I was crying after a particularly rough conversation with an adoption attorney telling me I would never find the family I was looking for and just to accept anyone. She wasn't very old, but she was intuitive and caring. Something I needed then.
And now.
Because as I write and think about everything going on in the world today, it just breaks my heart that we're still experiencing the same racial tension and violence we experienced back when Rodney King was beaten during the LA Riots. Another Hispanic friend, who has relatives in the police, said what didn't come out during the arrest back then was that he was so high on something and resisting arrest very aggressively which is why it got so crazy. Nothing could bring him down and they had to use force to stop him.
The LA Riots back then were a scar upon Los Angeles, as these are too. And the Mayor and Governor and people responsible for the districts that have been torn up really did nothing to stop it this time.
I saw a video circulating on Instagram that the Santa Monica police knew TWO days ahead of time what was going to happen. Which businesses would be hit, where and when. It was sent to them and they did nothing to warn anyone. If I could share from Instagram I would, but since I can't, follow these accounts if you want to see what's really happening in our city because the local news only whitewashes everything.
Corruptifornia aggregates all kinds of great content to show what's really going on from a perspective you won't see elsewhere. I also like seeing what this one called LA Street People puts out too. And LA Hood Life, which documents the homelessness, riots and current news. These are citizen journalists doing what our local news oftentimes refuses to do.
REPORT THE REALITY OF WHAT WE ARE LIVING IN NOW!
So getting back to my first point, to the black author who says blacks are entitled to looting, ruining small businesses and wrecking cities because you feel you will never achieve racial parity, you are so right. You, and those who do this, never will.
And you deserve the rap sheets, the bias, the negative stereotypes because you're perpetuating this. What about taking responsibility for once in your culture and acknowledge blacks kill more blacks than police officers do. How about stopping aborting black babies? Because you're doing a great job of wiping out your race all by yourself. Don't believe me?
Read this excerpt from https://www.grrtl.org/genocide/
"Abortion is the number one killer of black lives in the United States. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, abortion kills more black people than HIV, homicide, diabetes, accident, cancer, and heart disease … combined.
In 2014, African-American women comprised 13.3% of the U.S. population, but black women had 36% of all abortions."
So excuse me if I don't buy the I'm an innocent black person who has done nothing to deserve this BS by that black author. I don't have the income to buy luxury things, but NEVER in a million years would I join looters to "get mine." That's where the fallacy that it's okay to rob, steal and destroy other's businesses because you "deserve" this is wrong and detrimental to even your own black business owners. I have seen so many black officers, black business owners, and black people in general hurt and damaged by their own people in this awful time I refuse to accept the current narrative that all white people are bad and we owe you anything.
Dear Black People, get it together. Call out the looters and those destroying your communities, your hope, your babies. STOP BLAMING WHITE PEOPLE FOR THE ISSUES YOU OFTEN BRING ON YOURSELF! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIVES AND BEGIN TO MAKE CHANGES.
Yes, police brutality is wrong. Yes, George Floyd shouldn't have been killed. Yes, this happens way too often. Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. But I refuse to buy into the narrative that blacks are innocent when I see actions like this during the last weekend here: Rioting in Trenton, NJ and here: Violent attack in Riverside
I know others feel this way too. I also support peaceful protests, but their voice gets overshadowed by the violence, loss of businesses, loss of life, loss of sense of safety and other issues now facing our society. However, the dialog needs to continue. Let's just hope it brings resolution that is balanced and honest on both sides because compromise, maturity, responsibility means looking at ourselves and our community to determine how we move forward differently.
And with this I close.