My thoughts on friendship and other thoughts on life in Georgia this holiday week.

By Joy A. Kennelly

I don't know if other writers do this, but I compose what I want to write in my head before committing to print. I organize my thoughts, explore the topic mentally as I walk or drive to figure out what it is I'm trying to express. Then, I sit down and write it all out.

If I don't blog, then it bothers me until I do express the thought. Sometimes it takes awhile to pull together the over-riding theme, but then once I do, I just add to it piece-by-piece until it's a coherent whole.

One time I was so caught up in my mental transcribing I drove right past my exit on the freeway. Maybe I'm the only one, but to me, figuring things out in my head is the first step to actually writing.

Thus, when I woke up this morning and my mind was filled with thoughts of friendship and what it means to me, I knew I had to write it down to make my mind stop whirling endlessly on this topic.

I've been taking care of a good friend ever since her surgery on Monday and as a result, we've been through things together on a more intimate level than spending time at fun events that don't require much thought or care, just companionship.

It's at times like these it's easy to feel helpless, out-of-control and beyond the inner strength normally drawn upon to keep it together. Completely natural. I have experienced times like that too and am always grateful I have quality friends I can count on who have my back when I need it most.

Fortunately, we managed to pull it all together and got home eventually to rest, but even then, trying to figure out five different prescriptions prescribed to counter-act the allergic reaction when you're stressed out, exhausted, emotionally and physically drained with no help from your physician is exasperating beyond belief.

I am a very strong person having lived through so much in my life, but even I began to falter due to lack of sleep and the effort of being strong for someone else who needed me. I had to call my mom for advice because I was so sleep-deprived and didn't think I could manage to do what was right for my friend and stay.

I needed my mom's objective, caring insights to make the right decision as only a mom can do.

Fortunately, having been through numerous surgeries herself, she assured me I needed to stay there and be there for my friend even if I felt I didn't have anything to offer, because my friend still needed me.

I'm glad I did. We both were able to finally rest and now she's on the road to fully recover finally.

As a single person without many commitments or responsibilities beyond myself, it's easy to become selfish and self-centered like I see so many other singles become unknowingly. I never want to be like that and with my parent's training and example of selfless giving, have tried to live a life of service even though I'm the first to admit, I haven't always succeeded.

That's why I knew, in that moment of time, my mom was right. I needed to be there for my friend even if it meant foregoing time with social friends, skipping the fireworks, BBQ's, and other festivities surrounding the 4th of July because being there for my friend in her time of need meant more than any holiday fun.

Holidays come and go, but true friends are rare and special. Hang on to them tight and cultivate them lovingly because as a single person, friends are your family and life support. It's better to be "inter" dependent than independent I'm learning. It's ok to admit you need help and can't do everything on your own. Just be careful who you share this part of your life with however.

What I found interesting reaching out to friends I've met here for support during this experience is the kind of response I received. One girl, whom I have considered a friend in the past, but more and more see as simply a user, when asked for a ride to participate in an event she invited me to yesterday, totally blew me off as she usually does.

It used to hurt, but now that I see her for who she really is, it doesn't. I realize this is a fair-weather friend who will always be there if I offer her something for free, invite her to join me for a free dinner I've won, or invite her to a cool special event I've been invited to attend, but isn't willing to give in return unless it suits her, which unfortunately, it rarely does.

As a result, I've stopped doing anything with her for the most part, even skipped her birthday party because I don't need this "Southern" friendship any more. I feel sorry for her actually because a life of selfishness will ultimately catch up. Once her children are grown and out of the house she'll be left with nothing but herself to deal with. 

It's so easy to avoid introspection when you're constantly filling every free moment with activities and church, but the rubber hits the road when all you have is yourself and God. Since losing my car in a terrifying accident which left me unharmed, but killed my car, I've had plenty of time alone to think and grow in who I am as a woman and as a friend.

When friends you think are friends turn on you when you're helpless due to an injury and lack of transportation in a city like Atlanta, it really makes you pull back and consider who you allow into your life more carefully. I never had this issue in CA, but here in the South it's much more common to feel guarded because of the false veneer of politeness that veils every interaction and friendship.

People are much more passive aggressive and dishonest about how they feel about you because it's how this culture has been cultivated and taught to behave. Never reveal your true feelings, never act like anything is wrong, and remember, life is always wonderful.

It's lovely, isn't it? 

Well, sometimes it's not. Sometimes life is hard, difficult, stressful, frustrating and real. And it's in those hard times when you really see who is real and who is not. Who is a real friend, and who is not. And it's in hard times when you realize what is important in life and what is not. 

It's not attending events, being seen, taking pictures doing charity when you're not living it, or simply having fun with someone, it's sharing your life on a deeper, more meaningful way that makes all the difference in the world.

It's being there for someone when your whole being wants to be somewhere else, and then once you make that decision to stay, realizing you're so much happier and content being right where you are because it's right.

That selfish friend aside, when I reached out to other friends here for help and support, they responded kindly and were available if needed which was comforting. God has been throughout this entire recovery experience and we know it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I was pleasantly surprised my friend felt good enough to go see fireworks after her new pain meds kicked in and we drove close by to a park celebration which was perfect. We ended up parking in someone's drive, watching the fireworks from a distance, and what was cool, became a gathering point for other people to stand and watch with us.

One couple had the most amazing white lab named Winston who was so mellow despite everything going on around him, it calmed my friend as she was able to love on him and ignore her situation for a little while. Then a family joined us who had run the Peachtree race in the morning and just wanted to chat. Another woman who had been tearing up the street after her dog got away, joined us later after capturing her to spend time with us too.

We all enjoyed sharing the moment knowing this is what you do on holidays. The most amazing thing too, was learning two of the women were nurses. My friend was able to ask questions about her condition which eased her mind and helped her know what else to do to aid in her recovery.

That was the God shot we both needed.

It was great and why I love the 4th so much. Sharing time with people you'll probably never see again, but because of your bond as an American, this holiday is special regardless and we're in it together.

For one day a year, politics, religion, and race don't matter. We are unified as a country to celebrate the uniqueness and independence we all cherish as one America.

I love that.

I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of living in Atlanta, GA and feel I've grown through this new life experience in many ways. I don't have a false perception about the reality of my life out here, nor expect anything from anyone any more, but am always happy when I'm surprised by grace.

I also own the fact I made this life choice and it's up to me to make the best of it. Friends have always told me you need to give a new place a year to feel comfortable and know how you really feel.

I'm still sorting my feelings out, but know this year has been special and something I will always remember. If I leave, I will carry friendships with me I will cherish forever.

It's not the place, the life experiences, the car you drive, or the place you live, but the relationships in your life which make a place a home, a life worthwhile and a quality memory.

That's all. Just felt like sharing.

Hope you're enjoying your week too. God bless.