I'm in love with Ari & other thoughts

I love Entourage's Ari because no matter how badly he wants something he still has integrity and is willing to be the man and protect what matters most to him (at least he did that in tonight's episode for little 'ole American Chinese Lloyd.)

Speaking of Lloyd's, my old SPI friend Lloyd found me on Yahoo personals and sent me a hello. He's the one who came up with the name of my old film festival since we worked at Sony together. I haven't officially joined yahoo personals yet so can't respond. If you're reading this Lloyd - thanks for tracking me down! Nice to see you and hope to hear from you soon!

I have some really good guy buds in my life (and one that is pissing me off right now because he won't do what he said he would, but we won't go there - at least not tonight. Let's dwell on the good ones and I'm starting to realize I have quite a few good ones. Thanks David!)

I was pleasantly surprised to hear another guy bud tell me he loved me tonight (in a brotherly kind of way) and not to let the docs cut open my head. I really don't think my brain scan will lead to that, but it was just so nice to know that someone cares about me. Thanks Chris. That was very thoughtful and loving of you to say.

I have had a very mixed emotion day. Started out fine, despite a small headache. Then dashed off (late again - oy!) to church to catch the sermon which ironically enough was on death today. Genesis 5 (the lineage of Noah I believe. I was really hurting then so opted to cut out during the scripture reading to pop a painkiller - look it up on Bible.com if you're curious.)

Anyway, the main point that Pastor John was trying to make is that eventually we're all going to die. It's how we live our lives until then that matter and that having God in our lives helps (I'm horribly paraphrasing, but forgive me, it's been a long day.) What was comforting to me was the reading of Matt. 5:4 - Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Today was Perry, my friend Alexandra's best friend's memorial, held at the Renaissance Faire. That's where she met him and where he spent many, many years helping put it on and having fun with all the people there -- it was a natural choice.

I'd never been, but like to support friends and chose to go even though it meant going alone since my friend who had said she'd go had to work after all. Irwindale is actually only an hour away and it's very pretty out there.

I had no idea what to expect because I always thought it was just a bunch of people who loved medieval times dressing up and getting drunk together. I didn't realize that regular people would attend this like an event. I liken it to the civil war re-enactments in the South - we're on the west coast so this is our version of an adult fantasy land. Wouldn't you agree?

When I got there I received a call from my friend John F. who is producing the Los Feliz Street Fair and when he heard I was there he decided to join me since he thought there might be vendors there who would be interested in his fair and it sounded like a fun way to spend a Sunday. Run on sentence - shoot me now!

I told him it was a memorial for Perry too, but assured him he wouldn't have to attend since he didn't know anyone, but it was good for him to meet Alexandra since she might have some tech pr work for him. That's his specialty - check out his site on my PR Friends link.

We have collaborated on many, many projects over the years and he's very tech savvy too. We always talk shop about stuff and I'm glad he's my friend. We worked on the Tsunami charity benefit in Beverly Hills as our last big project together.

Back to the fair. I've never, ever, ever, ever seen so much boobage in my life! If you're a boob man, you'd be in 7th heaven. It really made me realize that I will never, ever, ever showcase my breasts like that ever and it made me feel good to realize that once and for all. Sorry to those who wished otherwise, but I'm just not that kind of girl. At least in public. (That was the 2 cosmos speaking the other night. :)

One lady was kind of gross about it because it seemed like her boobs were going to fall out they were so huge and falling out of her top, but she assured me that her double I's (yes, that's E, F, G, H, IIIIII!) were still so large, that only a portion were showing and the corset was actually helping her keep her balance. OY VEY! I had to laugh when she told me that with one of the guys sitting near me. He couldn't get over it either.

Needless to say, I called one of my friend's and told him he had to come down there because this event was so him. It's so not me, but it's so him. I am leading this young man down the path of sin and degradation - forgive me God. :)

Okay, enough of the boobage. Everyone was dressed in costume - some even came as pirates, ninja people, cave people, and one was channeling Madonna with big silver cones with nipples - I'm sorry, I regress, but give me a break you might have been a little shocked too if you'd been there. But then again, maybe not. I don't know you!:)

What I found most interesting is that you dress in costume according to being peasants, middle class and upper class. People actually chose peasant costumes - what does that say about their self esteem? Just had to ask - I mean really. If you're given the option of choosing where you're born, wouldn't you choose to be well-off? I would. There were all kinds of people there - old, young, black, white, hispanic, you name it... Very eclectic which surprised me also. Cool don't you think?

Anyway, it was a huge fairground with lots and lots of interesting booths with jewelry, costumes, food (entire turkey legs were quite the hit as were chocolate dipped cheesecake on a stick), fun stages - my favorite was the Bold and Stupid men stage.

As I watched, a bunch of men were told what to do by two men dressed in full costume in order to win the hand of a fair maiden in the audience. Stand up straight, stick out your chest, raise your arms to show off your muscles, swagger, bow and then raise up your "sword" with a flare. To see normal dressed men being told what to do and actually doing it by two very bawdy leaders dressed in hose and funny diaper like pants was quite funny.

It was a very entertaining day. We watched a jousting match between England, France, Italy and another country I couldn't hear. The four men were on horseback and did tricks before the "Queen." She is an actress and has played this role for 10 years. That's the thing about this event. For some people, it's a way of life and like a family. Quite interesting.

As we walked to the jousting arena, Alexandra sprinkled Perry's ashes along the way. Don't tell, but he's now strewn all across the fairgrounds. He would have wanted it that way. We all met at 5pm for the memorial service which Alexandra lead. She's doing very well and only breaks down occasionally now. Thanks for praying if you did. This was a big day for her filled with lots of memories.

I don't know why, since I'd only met Perry two times very briefly, but I was crying for him by the end of her speech. It wasn't even a sad speech, but just to know he was gone and how much he meant to so many was very sad to me.

This has been my first funeral since my grandparents died back in high school. Others got up to speak and they were crying too, even men, which only made me cry more. I always cry when other people cry because I empathize so much.

John F. was still out enjoying the fair and when he called me to connect I told him I couldn't stay any longer because I was so sad and was going to head home now that the memorial was over.  I haven't cried in a long time and I think I was grieving a lot of things at once. I don't know what or why, but I've been sad most of the weekend. It was a very sad evening.

I hit one of my 12-step meetings just to allow myself to feel these feelings with other people around. What was so ironic was that one of my friends shared the book he was reading for his psychology class and it was on living and dying. Today has just been a day of death. I couldn't escape it.

However, watching Entourage was an escape. I really needed it too! That's why I say I love Ari. Despite everything this character is and does, there's just a goodness that supersedes his seaminess that I just love. It makes me think that all the people in Hollywood that I know who are nasty and whatever (not that many, but they're out there), really do have a side to them that is lovable and good. I may not be the one to see it, but someone does.

It also helped when the guys left for Cabo because I've been feeling the need to escape there every single day lately. I just need a mental and physical break!

Anyway, today was an interesting day in more ways than one. I'm just glad it's almost over.

Sleep well everyone. May your dreams be filled with love and good thoughts. May your death not come for a long time. I've had enough for awhile. Enough....